I don't know if those of you outside Europe have ever heard of the Eurovision Song Contest. For your sakes I hope you haven't, because it's unbelievably corny. Its main audience nowadays appears to be people into post-modern irony, and it seems to have gained special status among the kitsch-loving tendency in the gay community. Each country enters a song and the Irish have recently shown a rather dubious aptitude for winning it. Each year in Ireland they hold a national song contest to select the Eurovision entry. There are hundreds of entries of which six or so are shot-listed for a TV broadcast and the public then vote for their favourite. A few years back it was discovered a few days after the event that the winning song had the identical air to Julie Felix's Moonlight. Deep embarrasment all round. If I had been watching that night I could have told them because I've had that song on a 45 single since I was barely a lad.