As far as I know, it was called "They're Only Kids" and it was by Fred Wedlock. No idea if these words are original or folk processed, but this is the version I sing. Similar to Lynne's above ... yet also different! Mix and match! I also heard it said he would address this to members of the audience who had kids ... and those who were sweating a bit!

They're Only Kids

There's Lego in the toaster and there's Lego down the loo
And look before you swallow 'cause there's Lego in the stew
Don't tell the little b-uilders what you'd really like to do
Just remember, they're only kids.

And how about the stories that they love to tell your Mum
And who d'you reckon she believes the words come from
When all their little jokes end up with bogies, wee or bum?
Just remember, they're only kids.

At night they look so cosy those infant Mafiosi
But bolt the bedroom door I'm telling you
For when you feel romantic, there's a sound that drives you frantic
And it's "Hello Mum and Daddy, can I play horsey too?"

And it's "Mummy, we've been helping, Mummy, why have you gone pale?
Look what's in your handbag, we've been catching snails
And we've nearly fixed the telly but we just run out of nails
Mum, remember, we're only kids!"

Grandad's in the bathroom and the air is turning blue
The kids have stuffed the keyhole with a tube of super glue
And he didn't spot the cling film they stretched across the loo
Dad, remember, they're only kids!

And on your honeymoon, you couldn't start too soon
Kids they said was heaven's gift to man
But you'd have done a bunk and his nibs would be a monk
If you knew that you'd be bringing up the hordes of Genghis Khan!

You tell 'em how a baby's made, they'll tell you how it's not!
They've read your naughty magazines and understand the plot
And with Action Man and Cindy they can demonstrate the lot
Just remember, they're only kids!

But now the years have passed and all your little birds have flown
You're off the tranquillisers and it's home, sweet home
And then they come and visit you ... with children of their own!
Just remember, they're only kids!


Note that verses 3 and 6 have a different tune from the main verses, but the same as each other. And the comic effect works to stumble over the b in builders (first verse) as if you'd really like to say bleeders (or something even worse!).