F-R-E-E by reggie miles

reggies Comments:  Here you go, another protest song. How can I protest something that's free you ask? Well, allow me the oppotunity to delineate, articulate, insinuate and illuminate further if you will. The constant badgering by various advertisers to capture my attention has taken it's toll. Now the one word that I've treasured for so many years has been reduced to being used as a cheap trick by those same advertisers to hide their true intentions. That is, to glean personal information to resell or otherwise use in an underhanded way, or to mask hidden fees. What next? It's gettin' so a body can't escape the doublespeak even in the innocent little four letter word f-r-e-e.


Four letter words don't bother me,
Except the one that's spelled f-r-e-e.
It's not that I mind when people use it.
It's just that some folks like to abuse it.

Like the guy on the phone the other day,
Who had free airline tickets to give away,
And they came with a complimentary hotel stay.
I asked, "What's the catch?" Here's what he had to say.

"You'll be flying fourth class on your trip through the sky.
You'll have to cover any taxes and fees that apply.
Your meals will cost extra in this situation."
So I hung up the phone on our conversation.

Then I received an email spam.
"Free, millions of dollars!" It began.
"Follow my instructions. Read my book.
It won't cost you a dime to take a look."

"Just send me your credit card information,
And some additional documentation,
A Social Security number and a picture I.D.,
And fill out this ten-page questionnaire for me."

"I'll need your phone number and your passport too,
Your fingerprints or a retina scan will do.
A notarized copy of your birth certificate,
And don't forget to send it in triplicate."

Then a notice came, special delivery.
You've won a house make over, absolutely free.
Well scrape and we'll paint your entire abode.
I knew that I should've said, "Hit the road!"

But the house needed paint so I said, "Okay."
And before I knew it, it was house paintin' day.
They came and they painted all the daylong.
But before it was finished they'd packed up and gone.

So there I was left with a half painted house,
And an aching back and an angry spouse.
And now six months later, it still isn't done.
Painting a house just isn't much fun.
So if you've got a free offer don't darken my door.
Don't bother emailing or calling no more.
Don't waste your breath trying to convince me.
That anything's worth having if it's F-R-E-E.

You can keep your free bargains and your two for one deals,
On software or hardware, on drinks or on meals.
I don't want your free CDs or free debt reduction.
I don't need your free books or free website seduction.

Take me off your callback list and just let me be.
There's nothing you have that I'm wanting, you see.
One last piece of advice and it's free from me.
You get what you pay for
and more than you bargain for when it's F-R-E-E.