I say conductor, is this the Barking bus?
No, madam, this one just goes "toot toot".

I say, conductor, is this bus going to Dagenham?
I don't think so, sir, it's never Daggened anyone before.

I say, conductor, is this bus going to Clapham?
Only if they're very good, sir.

I say, conductor, do you stop at the Hilton?
What, on my wages?

I say, conductor, does this bus stop at the Embankment?
If not, madam, there'll be a very loud splash.