alanabit is a bloody liar! One of his albums features the disgraceful, un-Christian ditty: Diedre (The Choirboys' Friend) Some girls like their men mature – Diedre likes them young and pure Never does her fair head rest upon an old man's hairy chest As the priest intones the christening – Diedre is hardly listening Congregation says, "Amen" as Diedre eyes up future tenors. All young choristers depend on Diedre – the choirboy's friend Kneeling primly on the hassock, primly covered by her cassock There's no hint in Diedre's bearing of the lingerie she's wearing As the harmonies are soaring Diedre's thoughts turn to scoring In her own peculiar fashion the first notes of Mathew's Passion All young choristers depend on Diedre the choirboy's friend Sometimes she eyes a young curate whom she thinks might be up for it But her greatest satisfaction's getting young men into action When she hears the notes are dropping Diedre's heart begins galloping And with care and dedication plans the lad's initiation All young choristers depend on Diedre – the choirboy's friend For some lucky ones the act is performed after choir practice First she leads them to the vestry to research (she says) ancestry Down next to an ancient relic – looking somewhat less angelic Like last week with young Tom Manning – introduced to family planning All young choristers depend on Diedre – the choirboy's friend Diedre – Oh dear me! Half a dozen local vicars know the colour of your knickers And everybody snickers when they hear your name Diedre – Oh dear me! If I was thirty years younger – but I'm not... Oh what a shame! Many young chaps can bear witness to her stamina and fitness Fellows whom she has accosted re-emerge looking exhausted Vis a vis with young Phil Brunning – She forgave him his shortcoming And her wait was not in vain – for like the Lord he rose again All young choristers depend on Diedre – the choirboy's friend Now it's said her reputation has increased the congregation And the social side is thriving - more young men just keep arriving They suspect their transformation - then get Diedre's confirmation More than anyone remembers - Diedre's pulled in new members All young choristers depend on Diedre the choirboy's friend.
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