a song from the Burns Unit ..

Ae fond kiss, and then we severn;
Ae fareweel, in clinic heaven!
Deep in heart-wrung tears I'll wring thee,
Warring sighs and groans I'll sing thee.

Who shall say that Ethel grieves him
While the star of hope she leaves him?
She, nae cheerful little nipper,
Shall flog him lightly with her flipper.

I'll ne'er give my partial blessing
Naething could resist my dressing;
But to see Gerty was to hurt 'ee,
Love but hurts, and Gerty's pert -ee..

Had you never used these potions,
Had 'ee never lashed these lotions,
Never met -or never parted,
We had ne'er been broken-hearted.

Fare thee weel, thou first and crispest
And again ye fine and blisterest!
Thine be ilka joy and treasure,
Tonics, tourniquets, balm, and pleasure!

Ae Lance Boil, he's but a kitten;
Too time constrained for decent hitten!
Let me teach that errant doc
How to lance and when to flog
Then Deep in heart-wrung tears I'll pledge thee,
Warring sighs and groans I'll wage thee.

And 'ware, young Severn, in the pool
these stray old ladies can be cruel
The rage of age shall e'er maintain
balls and noodles.... ON WITH THE pain..

Crispy Minstrel or Crusty Crystal
Chronic snorer or Bedpan Dora -
let's enhance Lance or come the crunch
lets mangle mermaids over lunch
a session with a pain management nurse
would make even old Robbie curse!

.... N.R.

ps NR doesn't ever apologise, otherwise she'd aiologise to Robert Burns (ed.)