I think it's a good first effort. Your first verse is a bit weak. Look at Sparrow's:

Well the girls in town feeling bad
No more Yankees in Trinidad
They're gonna close down the base for good
Them girls have to make out how they could

He gets the situation established and located in the first couplet, all his rhymes are hard consonants, and it ends with a punchline (that also leads nicely into the next stanza). Yours is less focussed (and I am not sure the last line scans).

I like the verse about vote-rigging.

According to Sparrow, the original lyrics for the song were:

Jean and Dinah, Rosita and Clementina
Came to me one morning
After they completed their shopping
Well they told me honey
We never seen more luxury
More than when we stopped
And went in to Salvatore to shop.

Another approach is to pick some interesting local event or character to write a calypso about.