Tune: Eton Boating Song

Sitting on top of the ammo, playing with my diddle-do,
Jerking off into my trousers, 'cause I have fuck-all else to do.
Life as a Herbie* is thrilling, whether at peace or at war,
And if God and the B.C.** are willing, I'll find out what my penis is for.

'Cause we're all fucking screwed up, screwed up as we can be!
Life in the fucking artillery is not what it's cracked up to be.
So, if you're in need of employment, the money and pension's for you,
But stay out of the fucking artillery: you'll wear out your poor diddle-do.

* Herbie: nickname for members of the Royal Canadian Horse Artillery, likely from the preferred source of caps in the regiment, Herbert Johnson of New Bond Street.
** Battery Commander.