Welcome to the fold Dave. We have bingo Wednesday nights, turning wine into water most nights, once we get the gents plumbed in, and as The Sex Discrimination Act 1975 doesn't apply to delusionary sects with charitable status, we can offer you an archdeacon position whilst offering women fulfilling roles such as serving the teas and checking bingo cards back to the caller.

The proper salutation is " I think therefore I am." Once you are admitted to the third degree it becomes "I don't think therefore I'm spam." The suckers have to let us do their thinking for them. Don't ever let it be said that our delusion is no better than any other sect's attempt to control people.

We are in negotiation with Jack the Sailor to be our chaplain of the bleedin' obvious, although he had first refusal on our offer to be our first martyr. It seems to be traditional for your martyrs to be sailors, according to Leonard Cohen anyroad up, and being a Red Sea pedestrian, he should know....

Sailor Jack is our prophet too by the way. He started a thread saying atheism has become a religion, and bugger me with a bent banana, so it has! All hail the salty sea dog in exile!

Steve Shaw does the serious stuff whilst I concentrate on taking the piss. We need someone with credibility and as Joe Offer didn't return our call, you'll do Dave.