There's not a single joke here that's new to me. I've heard every one and they didna raise a smile at the first telling. You might get away with it in America but for the love of uisge don't ever try this crap on true Scots. Especially not at the Games, they're far too serious an affair. If you really want Scots' humour try an evening with Ian McCalman or the Big Yin himself wee Connelly. They'll have you in stitches till your arse aches and not a joke in sight. Scots' Humour is a frame of mind. For instance, McCalman on the floods in England. - "We were going to arrange a parcel drop with the Red Cross, but cucumber and cress are out of season." "We have floods in Scotland all the year round. We call them Lochs." "The trick is to build yer hoose On the hill, not in the pretty valley looking up at them." The only person who can make a Scot laugh with him is another Scot. Otherwise we're too busy laughing at all of ye.