THE GULL DECOY
(Larry Gorman)

I'm an Irishman from the County Kerry
Oh and Patrick Riley it is my name
I was bred and born in that land so merry
I was noted for many's the deed of fame

When I first came out land was of little value
Two hundred acres I did procure
And to West Point I went a-courtin'
And fell in love with one Peggy Stewart

I being so neat, so genteel in acting
and in my head such a piercing eye
Oh her old parents were so delighted
She fell in love with the Gull Decoy

At that time I was much respected
by every man, woman, girl or boy
But it is of late I've been much dejected
To hear them call me the Gull Decoy

I raised my children to my own notions
My eldest son, I called him Ike
I have been careful to give him tuition
To drink and swear and to kick and fight

Until one day we got in a tussle
'Twas then his mettle I meant to try
But he knocked me down and he did me guzzle
He chewed the thumb of the Gull Decoy

I have no books or I have no papers
I have no money to win or lose
But every Sunday when I get up
I run about for to hear the news

On Sunday morning I get my breakfast
I then run up to my son Pat's
I stay with him 'til I get my dinner
And then go down to my nephew Matt's

His aged uncle, he does me honour
The very moment he does me espy
He goes in the room and brings out the papers
And reads the news to the Gull Decoy

He then commences his Evening's Progress
The "Miscellaneous" which I love the best
He reads The Journal, The Herald and Progress
The Island Argus and all the rest

I then run home fully delighted
Fully determined to win my post
I fear I never will be benighted
And in the bush might meet a ghost

There's things on Earth if I should meet them
My heart and conscience would terrify
Revenge they'd have and I could not beat them
Perhaps they'd murder the Gull Decoy

My oldest brother I did him torture
I tortured him till he had to fly
All on account of the girl he married
And still in anger I did rage
To the place where his child was buried
I went by night and dug up the grave

Of all my actions and my bad doings
I set a dog on an orphan boy
And many the other cruel and dirty action
Which adds more grief to the Gull Decoy

Since that time I am much rejected
Sometimes I'm sorry for leaving my home
I have by some been accused of murder
And was expelled from the Church of Rome

From her Communion I am restricted
I think of it every time I pass
From all her rites I'm interdicted
It's been forty years since I went to Mass

When I stand up and begin to whistle
You see all the gulls around me fly
And at my feet they seem to nestle
That's why they call me the Gull Decoy

When I am dead and my friends all 'round me
There'll be no tears but a sob and sigh
But all their tears will be unavailing
For none can pray for the Gull Decoy

Like a horse they bury the Gull Decoy

[Verses and lines chosen by M Dixon from 6 sources]