I have a difficult time understanding your situation.
When I awake on the morning...(My head is full of tunes and verses - mostly Christian) I do not wish them there ... They just are .... and follow me.).
Perhaps, just pray for your desire.
And it will appear.
Sincerely, Gargoyle
font color=lime> Having an instrument immediately mearhwlps. It becomes a piece of your being.
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sj