Ok, here it is...I'm afraid it might not be what you thought, but I think it's WONDERFUL. By the way, it will be on my third CD "Well Met".

love, Judy Cook

How to Make Love

Mark Gilston got this fine song of detailed advice from an old 78rpm recording he found in a friend's library.

Do you want your girl to love you?
Do you want to be her beau?
Well, I'll tell you how to do it boys.
I'll tell you all I know.
Put on your bib and tucker
And scrub your face real hard.
Part your hair right down the middle, boys,
And slick it down with lard.

Put your derby hat on sideways.
Pull your pegged-up pants up short.
Get a big bow tie on a rubber band
And show her you're a sport
Buy yourself some drug-store perfume
And sprinkle it on your clothes
Just a dime's worth will be plenty, boys,
To tickle her little nose.

Grease your wagon and your harness
And curry your trottin' mare.
Then buy yourself a lasso, boys,
And get you a lady fair.
Tie a ribbon on your buggy whip.
Get a pair of yellow gloves.
Then take her to the county fair
And buy her what she loves.

Tell her she is purtier
Than a movie acteress.
Talk about her purty curls,
And admire her handsome dress.
Get yourself a gold front tooth,
Get a Sears and Roebuck ring.
Buy a double-note harmonica
And learn to play and sing.

Brag about her family.
Her grand-dad and her pap.
And before you know it
She'll be a-settin' on your lap.
Tell her she's so purty
She takes away your breath
And before you know it
She'll be a-huggin' you to death.

Oh but if she will not love you,
Just make her jealous then
Tell her you love somebody else;
That she is just a friend.
Take her out to dances
And flirt with the other girls
Hug 'em close and whisper soft
And give 'em all a whirl.

Laugh out loud with the others
But with your girl don't you speak
And when she comes around you, boys,
Just turn away you cheek.
Just follow these directions
And she will be your wife.
Or else she'll marry somebody else
And hate you all her life!