There are several distinct though overlapping things going on here. There is 'music' meaning the dots on the lines which is always an approximation of what MUSIC really is, a direct communication of something, a feeling, an idea, an atmosphere.

Then there is performance. If it involves music then you need some of the 'music', lots of the MUSIC and something else which if you have enough of it means you can dispense with the other two almost altogether. What you're probably listening to is the 'music' mainly, a bit of the MUSIC and none of the something else which you give out but can't receive.

I suspect this might not make sense to anyone but me but I know what I'm talking about, I think.

There is always the other possibility that you are in fact crap and your friends just have crap taste. Don't knock it, just look at the richest performers. :-)