Alright. What the fuck?

Let's start from the beginning. Well, not the real beginning, but the beginning of what prompted this thread: A couple of months ago, I ran across an unusual post. Harpgirl, who I understand isn't terribly fond of me, had accused me of anonymously atacking Peg. The accusation was bullshit, but since the accusation was already a month or so old by the time I got around to reading it, and since I was in a pretty good mood at the time, I chose to ignore it. End chapter one.

Fast forward to the present. I haven't had much time to follow or post to any threads since... September, due to a lovely vacation, the un-lovely death of a loved one, and a general boredom with the predictability of internet forums, among other reasons that are none of your fucking business. :) I lurk a bit, but I've only been checking in maybe twice a month.

But then, this morning, I read a post by Shambles, which referenced and linked to a "witch hunt" thread, "Forums/Discussion Groups ," in which not only Harpgirl, but Big Mick as well, accused me of being some sort of master über-troll. They also linked me with Big Mick's perennial bogeyman/probable paranoid delusion, Janet Ryan/WAMSO/Matriot. Like me, a Minnesotan, and no-one I know, as far as I know. "Huh," I thought, "what the fuck?"

So I dug a little deeper. A few anon. GUEST posts attacking me in a similar way, and another accusation from harpgirl on the "BS: JFK may have saved the world?" thread. She even labelled me the "mischievious Minnesota miscreant." Ouch! That same day, she started a recipe thread called "BS: Recipes for the Crockpot: Iron Ore Stew, which she apparently dedicated to me, for some reason. Ah, I get it. Taconite. Ehh...

So, chapter three: The future.

Now, like I said, I was willing to overlook the libel in September. Water off a duck's back an' shit. But I'm going to have to ask you, Harpgirl and Big Mick, to keep your defamatory, paranoid-ass accusations to yourselves. I don't need to delete my cookie to be an asshole. I didn't when I posted "I hate America" right after 9/11, I didn't when I said "fuck the troops" last spring, and I sure as fuck didn't to post this, did I?

But I'm really not interesting in changing your opinions of me. I can count on one hand the people whose opinions of me actually matter, and neither of you is one of those people. Continue to stalk me and any other... evildoers you can dream up. Whisper your nutty little conspiracy theories to each other. Knock yourselves out. But continue to defame me publicly, and... well, I dunno. I'll dislike you even more?

No, wait. Forget I said that. I'm easy to get along with. If it'll make you guys feel better, fine, I'll admit it: It's all totally fucking true. I sit here, 24 hours a day, dreaming up new ways to attack you. I quit my job and everything. But you... you clever things have foiled my evil plans! I surrender! What was I thinking, going against the mighty Big Mick and his feisty sidekick, Harpgirl, the bestest internet detectives in the whole wide world?

So... can you shut the fuck up, now?

---Lepus Rex