BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch

Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch
From: katlaughing
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 11:20 PM

Thanks, MicahelAnthony, I had thought this one was going to drop off into the *thread abyss*. I think you are right, there are many of us who do communicate with one another and would probably get word that way, then pass it on.

Maybe there could be a list of people willing to be contacted? Or maybe that is too organised and we should just leave it to individuals to make their own contingency plans. It doesn't matter to me, I am just thinking out loud.

kat

Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch
From: MichaelAnthony
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 11:08 PM

Kat, I think that's a great idea, and perhaps something of a responsibility if one has close online relationships... maybe the individuals one communicates with on a regular basis would make up the bulk of the responsibility, if not the whole of a particular online community.

Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch
From: Spud Murphy
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 10:52 PM

My impulse, when this thread was first started, was to simply say "I'm immortal.', and let it go at that.

I've been in zero visibility without an instrument rating several times during my life, a couple of those times literally, when I was flying a small bush plane in Alaska. And then there were other near misses like the parties we had on Guadalcanal with live fire crackers. And not more than a couple of years ago I spent a whole day packed in ice while enough surgeons to fill a VW bus, and other like riffraff, stood around my inert body conjecturing on the imminence of my escape from earthly concerns.

I could leave all of Mudcat Land with fond wishes for remembrances of times past, if and when there have been enough times past to warrant that. Rather than that, I am satisfied to have the opportunity to speak to you now, about the past, when opportunity provides, and simply enjoy the presence of your company.

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR DEPARTMENT: Long before I became a research project for the University of California, San Diego, Medical Center, I executed a living will that clearly stated I was NEVER to be hooked up to any life support system to sustain life when it was not capable of sustaining itself. After the operation I was in ICU for four months, mostly unconscious, unable to even breathe without a ventilator or take nourishment from anything but a tube. I am sure glad nobody ever bothered to check the instructions in that bloody living will. (I guess I forgot to stick it on the fridge.) Understandably, the last two years have been the best years of my life.

Spud

Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch
From: wysiwyg
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 09:23 AM

If you don't like long, honest posts, skip this one.

I think that the network of relationships is even stronger than we realize, Mudcat ones included. I think that in my case, it would happen like this.

Someone in my family would know to check my e-mail, and both Hardiman and our daughter would know how-- passwords, such. They'd be clearing up my affairs, you see, including looking at my computer. They'd know, too, that there had been a large number of people I had corresponded with, closely, because I share these things with them. So they would feel they would need to open my mails and send back replies letting people know I was gone and probably offering a word or two of comfort or acknowledgment of how much I had loved and delighted in that person.

Once that process began, there are at least two or three Catters who would be among those to get a reply like that, and I am sure they would come to Mudcat and post about it. They'd be likely to do this, though, AFTER getting the word out to others they had known I was close to. They'd be thinking how I would do it, see-- they'd find whatever they had learned about me and from me, kicking in, to guide them. Of course the Christians among them would be well versed in how a Christian handles a time like this, as well.

Once the Inbox and PM page had been looked at and replies sent by my family (and I bet it would be our daughter who'd do a lot of it, after Hardi had made a start by writing a basic message for her to customize), it would probably occur to them to send a general notice to my whole address book. It's organized well so that would be easy to do.

As far as last words I would offer, to leave behind for people... that's all set. You see, a long time ago I learned that we are made to LOVE even more than we need to BE loved. And then a poem I came across during one of my own times of most intense change gave me words to put that lesson into action. I think it was called Speak Your Love, and I have been thinking lately that I hope it is buried in one of those boxes recovered from the fire, because there are a couple of people now I wish I could give it to. It was a tender and loving exhortation to us all to do just that, with any and everyone we know and love-- not just boy/girl love.

So I have spoken my love, very often, in rich detail and bold color.

I was reflecting with Hardiman just the other night that I never need to worry if people "get" whatever I try to give, share, teach, etc. I'm too intense for it ever to get lost forever.... whatever someone did not "hear" on any given day, I know that their experience of knowing me will last a long, long time. Whatever they needed to know from me, they will know, in their own time.

I'm so lucky-- I have had the experience, often, of having people look me up ten or more years after contact has been lost, to tell me that a thing that had stood unresolved between us had finally made sense and they had seen what I had tried so hard to show them. And they thanked me for never giving in, no matter how hard they'd tried to make me agree they were right and I was wrong. For the matter usually had to do with how wonderful they were, and how wonderful life is. Once they had added a few more experiences to what I had seen "before their time," they spontaneously realized what we'd been arguing over amounted to that.

As a Chrsitian, also, it would be my privilege to be in heaven praying for the people I had loved. And God would be continuing to look after them too, sending them little messages and experiences and blessings long after I'd gone... because He does, anyway, plus I have asked Him to.

I have serious enough health problems to think once in awhile, "What if I died right now? What's been left hanging? What did I not get to do, experience, give, or get?" I can't remember a time in the last ten years when I did not respond, "It's fine, it's enough, I'm ready, today would be fine, right now would be fine, let's GO already." Oh, I'm sure there would be lots of loose ends. I have loved imperfectly, as intensely as I have loved accurately. But anyone I have loved even a little would find, to their surprise probably, that they could speak for me at my funeral, and get most of whatever I would say exactly right.

(Hee hee hee... it could be you.)

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch
From: GUEST,Matt_R
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 08:05 AM

But see my family aren't exactly Mudcat material. They're not into music that much, not people who usually go online, and they'd probably get offended at 95% of the B.S. threads, and probably couldn't care less about the musical ones.

Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch
From: Giac
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 07:26 AM

A couple of friends have a list of people to contact in the event. Mudcat is on the list.

Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch
From: GUEST,Fibula Mattock
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 06:50 AM

Oh good, I'm not the only one who has specifically requested that my family and/or my Other Half contacts Mudcat if anything terrible should happen. Me and the Other Half were talking about this last month - an old boyfriend of mine was rushed to hospital seriously ill and it'll be a long recovery, though he's out of danger now. This lead us into a conversation about "what we'll do if...", and after me telling him that The Parting Glass and Ae Fond Kiss would be nice at my funeral, and that he should contact Mudcat for me, these threads have appeared!
It wouldn't just be obligation to tell the Mudcatters what's happened, it's a sneaky way of hooking the Other Half and family members who don't know much about Mudcat. That way I'll feel like some part of me is still hanging round the forum, spending half their day happily replying to the BS threads.

Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch
From: KingBrilliant
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 05:13 AM

I tend not to keep long friendships & so I just drift in & out of knowing people. So I'd not have any wish to say goodbye, I'd just disappear same as usual.
It wouldn't usually cross my mind that anyone might wonder where I'd gone. Obligation & responsibility to let people know if I'd croaked? I wouldn't have thought so.
I hope that doesn't seem mean & nasty, its just an honest answer to the question. I'm just an 'out of sight out of mind' sort of person in both directions.

Kris

Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch
From: Ebbie
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 03:21 AM

Interesting. This subject must be floating in the air, because for the last several days I've been thinking of this very thing. In my case, I have a good friend who sometimes posts on the 'Cat who would put the seal on my departure. But I was wondering if some of those who used to post here over the last few years and no longer do may be beyond reach? In some cases we have no way of knowing, do we?

One reason I would like Mudcatters to know if/when I died is that I love the idea of a cloud pillow of generous, caring souls wafting and lofting me on my way! Listen carefully and you'll hear my laughter fading into the distance. Or maybe not. Maybe one can elect to stay close by. I have a friend who tells me to let her know if I'm 'around'- but not to scare her!

The other day I was looking at the sky pierced by the sun-pinked snow-covered mountains and I thought, Oh, I'll miss all this beauty... And suddenly I realized, Hey! I'll be able to see it better than ever!

Ebbie

Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch
From: Sorcha
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 01:10 AM

I think most of us would be willing to fulfill that need, if it came to that. Just put a sign on the fridge......

"and when I die, when I am dead,dead and gone", please let Mudcat know.

There aren't many people I know that would care as much as some of you........

Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch
From: katlaughing
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 01:03 AM

Thanks, darlin'! We cross-posted. (Just finished folding the clothes!)

Amergin, I'd be happy (well sad for the need) to be a contact person for your family, critters, or whomever could get ahold of us.

Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch
From: katlaughing
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 01:00 AM

Well, that is partly the point of this thread, Amergin...if people wanted to, they could set up some sort of contact info with one another to be sure we did know.

After that happened with Spaw, we were super sensitive about it, for awhile, with many people posting threads about when they would be away from the Mudcat, so that we wouldn't worry about them. Some still do this like Peg, recently, when her computer was down.

Thanks,

kat

Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch
From: Sorcha
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 12:59 AM

I would defintitely want my Mudder/Catter friends to know if something happened to me that precluded my posting it......whether it were my death or just something like a serious hospitalization. Maybe we could all put a sign on the fridge:

In case of Emergency please let Mudcat (include URL here) know. There are lots of you that I consider "family", and how else are you to know why I am not posting? I really love this idea, kat, and

HERE'S YOUR SIGN!!!

This really does have a lot to do with the "A" word....."aging"......the older we get, the more "in your face" our own mortality is........it's not morbid, but when we lose our parents, we are suddenly faced with the fact that we are Adults, whether we want to be or not....and we too, are someday going to die whether we want to or not.........

We don't always have a choice about how we go. I smoke, and I could die from Lung Cancer or emphysema, but I could also die in a car crash tomorrow.......we never know when we will be called.

Matt, leave our phone number on your fridge.......we care enough to let people know.

Mudcat has enriched my life immeasurably......to the detriment of my Practice Time.........maybe that's my epitaph......."She MudCatted instead of Practicing". That, or "Nobody Home"...........

Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch
From: Amergin
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 12:33 AM

I'm with Matt....if I got hurt and let loose of this world or something I'd like everyone to know...but who would tell?

Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch
From: Matt_R
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 12:24 AM

Well, if something happened to me, I'd certainly want one of my friends here to let the rest of you know how I was doing. Unfortunately none of them are THAT much in touch with me, that if I got smashed by a semi when crossing the street tomorrow and died...no one here would ever really know. Unless I had a dying request to have my family post here.

Subject: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch
From: katlaughing
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 12:16 AM

Ever since two years ago, when we almost lost Spaw, I've been thinking about what a community we have wrought and the obligations or responsibilities each of us may or may not feel to that community. Sorcha's recent thread on suicide and all of the postings there brought it even more to mind.

I have mentioned before that I intend to write a posting, file it in my WP, with instructions to my family to post it should I die in an unexpected manner, without time for farewells.

Now, before anyone panics: NO, I am not suicidal, not even on the same planet, and NO, I have taken a sudden turn.

I just know that I feel I would want you all to know what had happened, which my family would post, and what I would want to say to you, if it was to be my very last posting in this realm of existence.

So...I do intend to write that posting, along with a few personal ones, too, to family and friends.

I am curious to know how the rest of you feel about this. Do you feel any obligation or responsibility that other Mudders know if something sudden were to happen to you? Do you have a Mudder friend or family member who accepts the charge to post about you should that occur? I know some have formed close friendships and informally check on one another and would just naturally let everyone else know, but I am talking about making sure there is a farewell of some sort.

So, sorry if this seems too morbid, really am curious to hear your views.

Thanks,

kat