The frustration of not responding

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 29 Oct 07 - 04:29 AM

From the amount of military personnel I've met, worked with and been related to, they're the best at producing invisible ink... only a small percentage of them are not Onanists.

(bearing in mind that my sister served 8yrs as a QARANC, her husband did 20yrs as RAMC, my father did nearly 30yrs in the REME, I worked in a Military Museum for 2 years and lived in Aldershot, albeit briefly).

LTS

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 29 Oct 07 - 04:02 AM

What about soldiers?

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 29 Oct 07 - 02:28 AM

I've seen many a posting without punctuation, but never a posting of punctuation without words!!

Todays' useless information. Did you know semen can be used as invisible ink?

There you go.

LTS

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Gurney
Date: 28 Oct 07 - 11:50 PM

twelve spaced-out sperm, Jenny?

Too deep for me!

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: JennyO
Date: 28 Oct 07 - 09:28 PM

,             ,                  ,                ,



,               ,                      ,                   ,




,                   ,                         ,                     ,








....and that's all I have to say about that.

Jenny (fat lady in a station wagon)

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Gurney
Date: 28 Oct 07 - 08:45 PM

The biggest problem that I have is ascertaining the intent of a poster, sometimes. Depending on how it reads, a post could be from someone attempting humour or a humourous discourse, being blunt, acerbic, waspish, or really trying to establish themselves as a total arsehole.
If someone takes that post the wrong way, the original poster may then find themselves feeling obliged to defend a position that s/he doesn't fully support.
Been there, done that, both sides. Nowadays I try to imagine being face-to-face with the poster, and respond as I would in that case.



Doesn't always work, though.

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 28 Oct 07 - 08:11 PM

if only we were all so thick skinned.

Well, my working life was as a journalist and a social worker, so it's not too surprising.

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 28 Oct 07 - 07:49 PM

I've just taken issue with Richard Bridge on a subject dear to his heart (smoking in and outside pubs) on another thread. I'd been keeping out of the argument, but I just thought he wasn't acknowledging that the other posters had valid points. Just hope it doesn't cause lasting grief.

Kitty

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Kampervan
Date: 28 Oct 07 - 05:44 PM

Fair point, Peregrina.

The intentions of the actions that you are referring to are pretty well unmistakable.

It was the difficulty of assessing the true emotion behind apparently simple postings that I was meaning; cos some people ( again - pointing absolutely no fingers) just seem to explode at the most innocent of remarks. Just leaves you thinking - Wow, what did I miss there?

Strange.

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: peregrina
Date: 28 Oct 07 - 04:15 PM

Kampervan: by post number 40 on the Andy K thread, do you mean your comment about the difficulty of people understanding intended tone on e-mail?
That's absolutely true & apposite.

But still-- I think that those times in all sorts of threads where people put adjectives in front of others' names or talk about them behind their back on the list don't fall into that category at all. The adjectives are hardly terms of endearment, so collective electronic- media-tone-deafness isn't an alibi....

(In this message I don't intend to point a finger at anyone, so please, folks, don't take it as directed at you in particular, because it's not.)

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 28 Oct 07 - 04:11 PM

You got the best of both worlds there Captain!

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: The Sandman
Date: 28 Oct 07 - 04:04 PM

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Kampervan
Date: 28 Oct 07 - 03:30 PM

My post (No 40) on the 'What happenend to Andy Kershaw' thread might be apposite,

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: GUEST,Chris Murray
Date: 28 Oct 07 - 03:19 PM

I had a torrent of abuse poured on me because I'm a teacher. Twice, by the same person. I'm still upset about it - and wondering if I have a case for libel. I don't post much now.

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 28 Oct 07 - 02:02 PM

Moi?

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 28 Oct 07 - 01:56 PM

I don't count "what is folk" threads as genuine nasties as a rule, even   if they are a bit irritating and repetitious at times.

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: TheSnail
Date: 28 Oct 07 - 01:21 PM

weelittledrummer

And it goes on SO long.

The brother and sister have a shag. She dies. he's a bit cut up about it.

Are you sure you're not confusing it with Wagner?

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 28 Oct 07 - 07:19 AM

I dunno. perhaps its just me. The song doesn't convey that much to me. And it goes on SO long.

The brother and sister have a shag. She dies. he's a bit cut up about it.

Its not like theres an alternative ending, where they go for counselling, appear on the Jeremy Kyle Show, and she says " I love 'im to bits". This is not a narrative which will have the average person the edge of their seat.

Really I can't actually say I blame anyone for not learning it. if you enjoy singing it though - you keep on - that's the criterion surely.

hang loose for godsake. If you go through a Tony Hancock moment(in the rebel when he settles down chipping away at his hideous statue - Aphrodite at the waterhole) - Wor! I've gotta winner here! Well you go for it. have a bit of confidence in what you do!

I'm aware I'm in a minority. I can live with that.

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: The Sandman
Date: 28 Oct 07 - 06:31 AM

no comment.

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: GUEST,Shimrod
Date: 28 Oct 07 - 06:19 AM

That just about sums it up, Mr Bridge - that'll do nicely!

"Fretwankers" - excellent - that should go straight into the OED!

Oh yes, WLD, I despise people who can't be bothered to learn the words and read them out of an exercise book. I would make them read through the words several times (while the audience hiss, boo and stamp their feet), then eat the exercise book and sing the song word perfect. If they fail they would have to come back next week (with another exercise book, of course) and repeat the whole process - and so on until they get it right!

OOOH!! How nasty is that?!

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 28 Oct 07 - 04:12 AM

Alternatively, WLD, we could recognise that what makes folk music folk music is the tradition (yes, new music can enter the tradition, but by osmosis and adaptation), and that what you want is apparently something else. If you want a country music club, or a line dancing club, or a place where fretwankers can show off (presumably they don't give a stuff what anyone else is doing, they just want to turn it up to 11 and widdle), go have one. Just don't break the trade descriptions act by calling it anything to do with folk.

You could call it an "Olk" club (there is no f'in folk).

Or you could take folk and arrange it or add to it or find other ways to bring out its hope, its anger, the dark side of human life that it records and illuminates. If you forget who you were, you know not fully who you are, and in a way that lessens you as a person - this is not a personal insult, we have enjoyed many an amiable row, but it is so strange that while so many whose predecessors came from Africa, India, and the near East (it doesn't seem to happen so much as far as I know for the far East) are fervently exploring and re-affirming their "roots", so many whose predecessors were European are busily rejecting theirs.

OK, maybe I have a bee in my bonnet about it, but, as you said (or was it someone else?) when you see someone promulgating the views that have destroyed (or are destroying) something of value to you there is a great need to try to correct them.

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 28 Oct 07 - 03:04 AM

"It's no problem ignoring a personal attack from a stranger - after all, it doesn't hurt."

Ah McGrath - if only we were all so thick skinned.

Having been the victim of one of these personal attacks from a stranger, I can say, it does hurt. It can hurt a lot. But as Wysi said, it doesn't hurt as much as the lack of defence from people you counted as friends.

WLD - I don't have an excercise book - it's a nice filofax, neither do I sing 'Sheath and Knife' - although if I could find a tune I might, it looks interesting, but I do cross stitch, and have spent many an hour in sessions, stitching away and getting cross at having to fend off people who come over and ask every 10 minutes 'what are you doing?'

LTS

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: GUEST,Slag
Date: 28 Oct 07 - 02:47 AM

Emily Dickenson wrote "The soul selects its own society then shuts the door." How true that often is. It's been some time since I have posted in a regular fashion, computrer problems, censorship problems and the like. I enjoy a good debate and heartfelt opinion (hopefully based in fact and not just emotion) and the give and take. I don't like being shouted down or called names. That usually happens when your debating partner is running low on facts or logic.

And I have to admit that I have returned tit for tat in the heat of the moment and I ALWAYS regret that after I calm down a little. But I do believe error and deceit should always be challenged. If not then it becomes the truth of tomorrow and it leads the unquestioning into delusion and perhaps even blind allegence.

That said, I do take note that by far the leading political atomosphere here is left and left a little more. Don't shout down the few conservative voices you have. Challenge, debate but try not to insult. Think of that voice as your coal mine canary. If you don't hear it anymore the door has been shut and you have nothing with which to compare and contrast you own views .

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Jim Lad
Date: 28 Oct 07 - 12:25 AM

I think that there are some who instinctivly know just the right buttons to push in order to keep an unhealthy "Debate" going.
That's what they enjoy, I suppose.
For the best part however, I do think that those who hover above the line are pretty sincere and worth spending a little time with.

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: TheSnail
Date: 27 Oct 07 - 10:01 PM

weelittledrummer

I think we should take on board Jimi Hendrix (and new music technology generally), and chuck out some of those long ballads.

Alternatively, you could come to CRAIG; MORGAN; ROBSON 's Ballad Forum on Sunday 11th. November 2007 at the Lewes Arms Folk Club having been to their Vocal Harmony Workshop and evening performance the day before.

Details here.

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: ard mhacha
Date: 27 Oct 07 - 11:07 AM

Sorry McGrath I have to respond to this music query, do you know the words of the song?.

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 27 Oct 07 - 10:43 AM

Spawn of the devil....not quite. many of my best friends subscribe to some tradition or another.

theres this depressing thing going on though. Firstly - you think - oh its so sad that the folk clubs aren't full these days. then you go to a full folk club, and its usually full of the wrong sort of people.And you think we should be more exclusive, and the first thing we need to exclude is this f---ing awful music.

I think the tradition needs a major rethink. Mind you, I play the guitar and I think we guitarists see things differently. I think we should take on board Jimi Hendrix (and new music technology generally), and chuck out some of those long ballads. Not that theres a lot of people doing them - but they sort of underwrite and legitimise all the archaicspeak and incomprehensibility. they provide a backdrop for all these songs about the first world war and makes them seem up to date.

But seriously the next time, you're in a session and some bugger starts singing Sheath and Knife from an exercise book - you can't tell me the thought doesn't occur to you, 'I wish this bugger would take up cross stitch.........or something similarly inaudible'.

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Janie
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 09:26 PM

Mysha,

I really like that!

Janie

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Giant Folk Eyeball (inactive)
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 07:50 PM

I lurked here for 'bout two years before I dared to post...

Cheers

Nigel

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: PoppaGator
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 06:11 PM

I definitely have "favorite posters," and don't think that there's anything "sick and wrong" about that at all.

My faves include people with whom I usually agree, of course, but also nearly as many with whom I often disagree. There's a certain degree of entertainment value to be derived from material that cries out to be refuted.

My guess is that the members whose writings I most enjoy (likeminded parties and "foes" alike) might not necessarily correspond with the ones I would best get along with in "3D" real life!

I'm sure that some of you out there who lurk and generally keep your opinions to yourselves would be among the most congenial of companions, were we ever to meet. We probably won't ever meet, of course; even if we were to bump into each other in the street, or be assigned adjacent setas on an airplane, I wouldn't even recognize your (real and/or fake) names.

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Giant Folk Eyeball (inactive)
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 06:00 PM

Hmmm... some of my 'favourite' posters on Mudcat (how sick and wrong is that? Favourite posters. Jeez!) are people who I more often or not consistently disagree with ... WLD springs to mind as a good example. I like trad music. He thinks it's the spawn of the devil. He's also funny and well informed...

I usually also enjoy that weird Mudcat spectacle that I think of as the Dick and Jim Show - it can get freaky and vitriolic but there's generally some interesting and informative stuff in there.

And all in all, I suspect there's very few people who regularly post on here who I wouldn't enjoy a pint with...

This could also be the thread where we all, y'know, REVIEW each other...

Cheers

Nigel

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: GUEST,Shimrod
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 05:47 PM

Some people seem to confuse differences of opinion and plain speaking for 'nastiness' - they should probably grow up a bit.

On the other hand there are some nasty people on this board - like wicked, evil people who CRITICISE OTHER PEOPLES' TASTES IN MUSIC for example - now how nasty is that?

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 05:46 PM

"Rightly or wrongly some of the most interesting threads are 'nasty' ones."

Heated discussions about real issues can indeed be "some of the most interesting threads", even when at times some people can get overheated and start tearing into each other instead of exploring the issues and the differences in how people see them. I'd hate it if the house rule was that no disagreements should be aired - "no politics, no religion and no football", as it goes in some pubs with a history that explains why.

Bur every now and again the discussion sours, and its time to get out, and that's what I mean.

It's very subjective, and no doubt people draw the line in different ways - but I think most people do have a line they draw. For me it's when a thread seems to have run its natural course, but it's still going, turned from a discussion (however heated) into a repetitive succession of personal insults being thrown around, with the same things being said over and over in an obsessive way.

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Mysha
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 05:40 PM

Hi,

I happpen to take part in another collective Internet project, rather well-known nowadays. I contribute to a smaller language version, which works with very few rules for contributing. Basically: Your contributions have to improve the project.

Since I realised how much sense that makes, I try to apply it to most fora I post to. Sometimes, that means I throw away a message before sending, as it really only served for me to express some frustration. (For that, the act of writing is actually sufficient; you just need to realise in time that you don't have to post)

So if I'd feel the benefit of my post didn't outweigh the drawback of keeping the thread active, then I'd try not to post to the thread, which would be the best improvement I could make. That's not to say I wouldn't post at all; I might very well post privately to tell someone he is in fact right. After all, you don't have to keep a tread active to support someone.

                                                      Mysha

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 04:00 PM

Let it all hang out Janie, tell us what you think - don't spare our feelings. Tell us we're all scoundrels and stinkers. I think you would get into the spirit of the place more!

Whats going to happen - if someone disagrees with you. Not a great deal - he might call you a stinker back.

But we learn from these experiences - you get to think, perhaps I am a bit of a stinker, I must be nicer to everybody!

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Jean(eanjay)
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 10:22 AM

Turning off the computer works a treat!

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 09:58 AM

WOW Azizi - haven't heard that song since I was a kid!

Thanks!

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: GUEST,Shimrod
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 09:46 AM

Rightly or wrongly some of the most interesting threads are 'nasty' ones.

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: theleveller
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 08:21 AM

"So how do people manage to stop themselves doing that? "

No comment.

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: lady penelope
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 07:36 AM

Well said Janie. Hear, hear.

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Janie
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 12:59 AM

Periodically, I have to make a decision to put myself on 'good behavior.' I make a conscious decision to NOT post my thoughts or opinions, especially when my opinions are philosophically and experientially based, and doubly especially when I find that I am reacting instead of responding. I'm in one of those periods now, and wish I were better at staying in them.

I delete a large number of posts without ever hitting the submit button.

With difficulty, I will refrain from going back to read threads about topics of interest and importance to me when I realize the urge to hit that submit button may be irresistible. Otherwise, I read with interest, ponder people's perspectives, shake my head or nod, wish I could sit beside some of them and have long, convoluted conversations to help us both tease out and understand all the layers, dialectics, paradoxes(ii?) personal experiences and paradigms to understand ourselves, each other, and the world of humankind more completely and compassionately, then turn off the computer and go to bed.

I remind myself of the many times I have entered into 'hot topic' threads, only to regret it, because I don't like flack, or beating my head against a brick wall, or because I temporarily forget that 'who you are is none of my business', because I inadvertently fed a troll, or because I haven't mastered the art of calling a jerk without turning into a jerk myself. Or because I realize after I have posted that, for me, the issue is too complex and multi-layered with the interplay between psychology and sociology to get into in an on-line forum.

I remind myself that there are only one or two areas of knowledge in this world about which I actually know more than the average bear, and many more where I know less than the average bear.

I remind myself that there is no evidence at all that anything I have ever posted here has influenced some one else's behavior or point of view.

I don't think, however, the same is true for you, Kevin. Often, I think of you as a steward of this on-line community. Your posts tend to be thought-provoking for those who are interested in having thoughts provoked, and not of the pot-stirring persuasion.

Janie

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 26 Oct 07 - 12:30 AM

I suppose most of us bring a lifetime of following the music that hasn't quite turned out we hoped, to the table.

And you hear articulated the views that have pretty much stuffed folkmusic as far as you're concerned, then you do respond. Its because we care and we hoped for better things and they didn't turn out to be true.

the trouble is, we all hoped for something fractionally different. None of us reckoned on being an old grump muttering away into cyberspace. Cyberspace hadn't even been thought of.

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Rowan
Date: 25 Oct 07 - 11:03 PM

If I open a thread out of idle curiosity rather than interest I am quite happy to just leave it alone unless there is something I can contribute, with positive effect, and that hasn't already been posted. For those threads where I have an interest I'm happy to participate where the discussion is rational; where it is (IMO) emotional I can leave the thread alone with ease and no frustration at all. I have limited time (and limited experience in such matters) so I'll only PM someone if I regard my comments as having limited application (and thus not worth the public attention of the thread) and think my contact will be well received.

I can't recall anything written by this thread's contributors with which I could take serious issue but I've noticed some other members seem to have 'history' in their relationships with others. I learned long ago that debate rarely changed anyone's opinion. More's the pity, sometimes.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: wysiwyg
Date: 25 Oct 07 - 10:08 PM

Since I was already mentioned, let me just say this. Attacks on me in threads are one thing-- I hate it when people dive in to "defend." But the total silence of friends in PMs when the attacks are going on... that's painful.

~S~

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 25 Oct 07 - 09:07 PM

It's no problem ignoring a personal attack from a stranger - after all, it doesn't hurt. That should imply there's no reason to think that personal attacks on anyone else need countering, but sometimes it doesn't feel as easy to ignore them.

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Azizi
Date: 25 Oct 07 - 07:52 PM

I guess you can find a song for any situation. And since this thread is in the music section {at least it's in above the BS line now} now}, here's a song that popped into my head when I read the comments to this thread:

YIELD NOT TO TEMPTATION
[Horatio R. Palmer, 1868]

Yield not to temptation, for yielding is sin;
Each vict'ry will help you some other to win;
Fight manfully onward, dark passions subdue;
Look ever to Jesus, He'll carry you through.
Refrain:
Ask the Savior to help you,
Comfort, strengthen, and keep you;
He is willing to aid you,
He will carry you through.

Shun evil companions, bad language disdain,
God's name hold in rev'rence, nor take it in vain;
Be thoughtful and earnest, kindhearted and true;
Look ever to Jesus, He'll carry you through.

To him that o'ercometh, God giveth a crown,
Through faith we will conquer, though often cast down;
He who is our Savior, our strength will renew;
Look ever to Jesus, He'll carry you through.

http://library.timelesstruths.org/music/Yield_Not_to_Temptation/


-snip-

The words to that song aren't very politically correct {I'm specifically talking about the "fight manfully onward" and "dark passions" lines}...And what about people who aren't Christians? Don't they need to "shun evil companions" and disdain bad language?

I would think so.

But still, in many ways that song speaks to me.

I'd love my posts to be "thoughtful and earnest, kindhearted and true". I'd also add "witty" and "wise" to that list. But sometimes being thoughtful, earnest, kindhearted, true, witty, and wise is not the first {or second, or third} instinct that I feel when I read some threads. Sometimes I'd love to let it rip. There are times when I want to slap someone silly and kick'em where the sun don't shine. Sometimes I want to shout out that what some people are talking about in the abstract concerns me on a personal level, and I therefore take it personally. But then I realize that I decided to take it personally, so it's on me to either hold myself in check or say what I haveta say and then either ease on down the road or stay around and respond to those who might have something to say about what I said. But I try not to get ugly and when it gets ugly, then hopefully, I'm ghost.

Hopefully, during those times I don't yield to temptation and say something I might regret later on. But regrets, I've had a few...and {however the rest of that song goes}...

YaknowwhatI'msayin.



When I feel that way, I try not to post on that thread.

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 25 Oct 07 - 07:14 PM

I was seeing in one threat where George Papavgeris responded in this kind of situation by saying he was going off to write a song instead of a post. Which he did. And I've done teh same.

But of course, inevitably, the urge is to come back to post the song -   - but of course George did (and it was a pretty good song too). So as a way of leaving a thread to wither on the vine it doesn't really work. But it does move the discussion to a different place, and it means something positive comes out of it.

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Art Thieme
Date: 25 Oct 07 - 07:05 PM

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Oct 07 - 06:57 PM

When it gets nasty, personal, and bigoted I walk away and rarely return. I will no longer post to threads on gun control, for example, or be in the first posters to a thread started by a GUEST.

Life's too short to waste it on invective, lies, and hating.

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: wysiwyg
Date: 25 Oct 07 - 06:39 PM

Aw Bert, you love. Just send me a PM when you're feeling like that.

Kevin, some people send PMs to me (and others I am sure) when they need to vent, composing the post they'd LOVE to post BUT sending it via PM to a good listener.

Me-- I've been known to compose a reply in such a thread and then, instead of submitting it, I'll save it in a text file along with a text copy of the thread just in case I decide later to go ahead and let fly with my brilliant reply. Usually though I just forget I even did that-- so I have quite a file of brilliant replies now that have no context. :~)

~Susan

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Bert
Date: 25 Oct 07 - 06:31 PM

I found it very difficult not to refresh the "Fat Lady in a Mini van" thread and come to Susan's defense. I don't think that threads like that need to be dignified with a response.

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Emma B
Date: 25 Oct 07 - 06:21 PM

The daughter of a Holocaust survivor wrote

"For my mother and father, Judaism meant bearing witness, raging against injustice and foregoing silence. It meant compassion, tolerance and rescue...These were the ultimate values"

Not a bad creed to live by IMO

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 25 Oct 07 - 06:16 PM

Edmund Burke said, 'The only thing necessary for the triumph [of evil] is for good men to do nothing.

Sometimes you just have to.

LTS

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 25 Oct 07 - 06:16 PM

I don't in general believe in letting falsity go unchecked lest it become accepted as truth.

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Jean(eanjay)
Date: 25 Oct 07 - 06:09 PM

You have to be strong - go and wash the dishes or do the gardening instead.

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: peregrina
Date: 25 Oct 07 - 06:06 PM

I think of two extremes:

I remember the people I really admire for their courage and dignity who would have been silent.

And then I think of the other extreme: an unpleasant colleague who has to answer everything, even what doesn't need a nasty answer, with a sarky quip. (Even those 419 scam emails sent by the 100s apparently get a dose of gall.)

Let the enemies stew in their own pots, curdle their own milk and ruin their own tea.
Most of the time, if you are silent the nastiness just redounds back onto the person who wrote it.    Sometimes it's damn hard though.

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: alanabit
Date: 25 Oct 07 - 06:00 PM

I have sometimes managed to ignore rudeness directed at myself. There have been occasions when I have failed. I have often found it more difficult to refrain from responding to insults to my friends. Then I really do struggle... Your old maxim about responding to issues rather than to personalities has served me well, when I have remembered it Kevin. I do tend to stay well out of the abusive threads these days. Fighting ain't my hobby!

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 25 Oct 07 - 05:55 PM

I don't know Kevin. It is almost impossible to let a lie or an unfair remark go unanswered.
It is also a natural impulse to come to the aid of your friends.
In the same way as it is difficult to resist having a dig at ones enemies.
Put it down to human nature, ignorance, prejudice, whatever.
Giok

Subject: RE: The frustration of not responding
From: Folkiedave
Date: 25 Oct 07 - 05:53 PM

I remember Oscar Wilde.

("I can resist everything except temptation").

Just as bad (good) as you McGrath. :-)

Subject: The frustration of not responding
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 25 Oct 07 - 05:44 PM

How many times does it happen that, you know that the best thing to do with a thread that's turned nasty is to walk away and not help to keep it going - but you open it out of curiosity, and someone says something that seems to cry out for a response, and you fall into refreshing it again and so help keep the thread going; and you have a sinking feeling that just maybe if you hadn't it might have just faded away.

So how do people manage to stop themselves doing that?