BS: Sneezing into a towel

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Don Firth
Date: 09 Apr 08 - 03:24 PM

"Followed by a blow-dry."

That's where a good sneeze comes in.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Apr 08 - 01:16 PM

Followed by a blow-dry.

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Peace
Date: 09 Apr 08 - 01:09 PM

"It's just more disinformation that is being spread by the AMA in their attempts to brainwash and fleece the population. ;-)"

Brainwashing isn't necessary. A light rinse will do it.

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Apr 08 - 01:08 PM

You can also have autoallergic reactions. One is described in
"SCROTAL INVOLVEMENT WITH IDIOPATHIC RETROPERITONEAL FIBROSIS" (The Journal of Urology , Volume 162 , Issue 5 , Pages 1692 - 1693). If you're interested you'll have to find a copy for yourself.

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Apr 08 - 01:04 PM

It's just more disinformation that is being spread by the AMA in their attempts to brainwash and fleece the population. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Apr 08 - 11:13 AM

I once read that the tendency to sneeze when exposed to bright light is a genetic trait carried by only about 20% of the population. The odd thing is that almost everyone I know does it. That means that either 20% is a much larger portion than I thought, or that there's some other related genetic trait that causes us sneezers to only associate with our own kind. Or maybe the guy who performed the survey flunked his class in research methodology.

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Apr 08 - 02:43 AM

It's the multiple sneezing that drives me nuts. Then too, the teeny little wimpy sneezes that sound like a toy poodle are a bit annoying as well.

My father had his own weird sneeze. He went "Chaaaaaaa....." in a very deliberate fashion. Not a sudden expulsion of air so much as a controlled evenly pressured "Chaaaaaaaaaaa......"   (in other words, you would not put an exclamation point after his sneeze).

My Mother does the multiple sneeze thing and it totally drives me up the wall! Never less than three, seldom more than five.

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: GUEST,LTs pretending to work
Date: 09 Apr 08 - 02:21 AM

So which annoys people the most - the big explosive sneezes that has birds starting from trees 3 miles away or those ridiculous little girly 'niffoos' that some people do, or the even more irritating multiple sneezes that others are prone to do. I once shared a house with a chap who couldn't sneeze just the once, his average was 6 and once we counted 15!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: frogprince
Date: 08 Apr 08 - 10:44 PM

I'll tell ya something that is the plain truth; I worked for a few years in a big room full of high-speed stamping presses. Sounded something like lots of machine guns going at once. On numerous occasions, I startled the heck out of people some yards away with sneezes that easily carried over all that.

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 08 - 05:38 PM

That was a few months ago. I did it again the other day and that's what I was referring to.

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Peace
Date: 08 Apr 08 - 05:31 PM

I think Rapaire is stretching the truth with that one. He told that tale a few months back and it was 3000 head of cattle.

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 08 - 05:11 PM

I've done that too, Bee-Dubya. So many peanuts flew up so high and came down so quick that 5,000 head of cattle thought it was snow and froze to death.

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Apr 08 - 05:06 PM

I prefer sneezing into a bowl of foam packing peanuts. You can even make a game of seeing how big a bowl you can completely empty with a single sneeze. I like the ones made from cornstarch, not styrofoam. You can do the sneeze outside and just take a garden hose to the resulting mess and the peanuts melt away. No cleanup required.

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 08 Apr 08 - 04:46 PM

Sometimes for women, especially if you're had a couple of babies, high velocity unexpected sneezes can really catch you by surprise. And are a reason for keeping up with your kegels.

Mostly the ones I hate are the huge sneezes in allergy season that knock my brain sideways.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Don Firth
Date: 08 Apr 08 - 03:10 PM

Gesundheit!!

CLICKY #1.
CLICKY #2.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: gnu
Date: 08 Apr 08 - 02:57 PM

Wildebeestes got credit? gnus to me.

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Apr 08 - 02:51 PM

I stopped a charging herd of Wildebeest one time, just by sneezing in their general direction. It was like Moses parting the Red Sea.

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 08 - 02:42 PM

Yes, and it's a true story. That really happened to me. I swear! I wouldn't make something like that up, no SIR! not me. It's completely true and I still have a shred of the sailcloth to prove it. AND my brothers will tell you that it's true; they remember even though they were only 5 and 3.5, respectively.

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Apr 08 - 02:42 PM

Exactly, Don. ;-)

"you'll wind up with a head that looks like a tall, thin spike sticking out of your shoulders"

Sounds kind of like the present Premier of Ontario...

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Don Firth
Date: 08 Apr 08 - 02:38 PM

The sailcloth wrapped head. Bloody brilliant, Rapaire!

One danger of that method of stifling a sneeze is that, if the sailcloth is sufficiently strong, there might be a mighty implosion, and you'll wind up with a head that looks like a tall, thin spike sticking out of your shoulders.

There's something highly therapeutic about a good sneeze, one that bends the walls out, blows bricks off the side of the building, causes plaster dust to sift down from the ceiling, and registers on the local seismograph.

It's sort of like hitting the "reset" button on your brain.

Don Firth

P. S.   ah-ah-Ah-AH-AH-CHO-O-O-O-O!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: gnu
Date: 08 Apr 08 - 02:24 PM

I'll get you a towel.

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Apr 08 - 02:23 PM

Don't ever sneeze while wearing a diving helmet or a space helmet, because if you do it will drive your head down halfway into your chest and probably bust both your eardrums too.

Don't sneeze while lying on your back, cos you'll get whiplash.

Don't sneeze while lying on your side, cos you'll fly right off the bed.

Don't sneeze while walking the tightrope in the high wire act!

Most of all, don't sneeze while shaving with a straight razor!!!!!!

GEEZ!!!! And I just sneezed twice while typing out the above warnings.

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: gnu
Date: 08 Apr 08 - 02:19 PM

LH, yes... if they can find a toothpick.

KB... of course they do. That's why the move so slow.

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 08 Apr 08 - 02:13 PM

I've been wondering if snails ever wheeze.

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Apr 08 - 02:03 PM

I wonder if whales ever sneeze?

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: gnu
Date: 08 Apr 08 - 02:00 PM

My old man would tickle his nostrils with a toothpick and sneeze (into tissues) every couple of days... swore that it saved him from getting colds.

Minds me of the old joke... woman tells doc she has an orgasm every time she sneezes and asks doc if there is anything she can take for it.... pepper.

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Apr 08 - 12:50 PM

Fruit bottom yoga is, I think, much superior to the ordinary variety.

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 08 - 12:48 PM

Why don't you try whole yoga instead of just a half of one?

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Apr 08 - 12:40 PM

There are certain yoga positions one should not assume if one is going to sneeze. Of course, it's hard to know whether one is going to sneeze or not, isn't it? That's why hatha yoga is more dangerous than most people realize.

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 08 - 12:39 PM

The sneeze is an untapped source of energy for the world. If everyone would wear a little fan and generator in front of their mouth and nose I estimate that the electricity generated from sneezes from New York City alone would generate enough electricity to supply the electrical needs of Hinton, Alberta for at least a couple of hours.

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: theleveller
Date: 08 Apr 08 - 12:16 PM

"Have you no dirty underwear?"

What do you think I am - a bloody contortionist?

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 08 Apr 08 - 12:09 PM

"Ah . . . shit!"

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Apr 08 - 12:06 PM

There aren't many expressions that look funnier than a half-sneeze either.

I've always wondered about people suddenly experiencing a sneeze while engaging in stealthy spywork, surveillance, that type of thing. It could really wreak havoc with a carefully planned mission of that sort.

Or what about the guy who sneezes while making that delicate little adjustment on the H-bomb detonator's safety device...

And what if William Tell had sneezed when firing the famous arrow?

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Mrrzy
Date: 08 Apr 08 - 09:45 AM

The only poem I've ever subitted for publication was about the dreaded half-sneeze - the AAH without the CHOO... nothing is more frustrating (at least with your clothes on!)!

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: GUEST,LTS pretending to work
Date: 08 Apr 08 - 09:17 AM

I like to let 'em rip in the car.... it's fun trying to see if you can get the window open in time.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 08 - 07:53 AM

When I was six years old I decided to hold a sneeze in, instead of letting it out in all its fury. I did this out of concern for others, of course, for my last sneeze had destroyed houses and toppled trees for over a kilometer in the direction of the sneeze.

I should have known better, of course, but I WAS only six years old. In fact, I had just gotten a pair of toy spurs for my birthday and I wore them everywhere. I loved those spurs and would have worn them to school and church if I could have. As it was, I wore them to the doctor's office (on my little cowboy boots, of course) and one of the nurses literally flung herself at me because, it turned out, boots and spurs excited her. Being six years old I had no idea of what was going on, of why she was panting and had her blouse unbuttoned and why she kept asking me for my "quirt." But that is all beside the issue under discussion, whatever it was.

Oh, yeah. The time I held in a sneeze.

Well, I knew that I couldn't destroy half the town a second time and have it again blamed on a freak tornado. So when I felt the sneeze coming on I wrapped my head in yards and yards of old sails we happened to have (why we had these sails is another story). Since they were of heavy sailcloth I assumed that they would contain the sneeze quite handily. Boy! was I wrong.

But first of all some older ladies with bluish hair who wore white gloves whenever they were outside saw me and kept asking me questions like "How do you achieve Oneness, O Holy One?" and "Aren't you sort of short for a Swami?" Eventually it dawned upon me that they thought I was some sort of turbaned religious leader, like the snake charmer in the cartoon I'd seen the previous weekend, and I felt that I couldn't disappoint them, so I replied, "MMmph. Onmmmph, mmph" because my head was wrapped in all that sailcloth. The ladies must have thought it was pretty profound and they all went off and joined a religious group in India where they practiced an exotic religion called, I think, "Thugee."

Eventually, however, the Sneeze came. I could feel it building up and up until, finally, it could no longer be contained. I knew, though, that the sailcloth would hold it in and no damage would be done.

I was wrong.

The force of the sneeze shredded the sailcloth and blew it into the air. This wasn't all bad, except for the pieces the were drawn into a jet fighter's engine and caused it to crash but the pilot got out okay and the plane crashed into Flat Mountain, the highest mountain in Illinois, rising seventeen feet over the fields of corn. The rest of the shredded sailcloth drifted over downtown, gently falling on a parade honoring the local bowling team.

So it all worked out okay, except that I gave everyone who was downtown for the parade a nasty cold.

So don't use a towel. There really is nothing that will contain a sneeze.

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 07 Apr 08 - 11:50 PM

I don't like sneezing. If I could turn off one bodily function (without harming myself) I'd turn off the sneeze box. (NOT the squeeze box, just the sneeze box. . . )

Hmmm. I'd have to put that request in writing and be sure of no typos.


























Changed your focus a little, didn't it?

;->


SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Apr 08 - 11:37 PM

It's a real catharsis, Sorcha. That's why I do it. It gets rid of my deap-seated anger, frustration, and other festering emotions, and in a harmless manner...although it is hard on small, nervous dogs, no doubt about that. It does no permanent harm to the dachshunds, mind you, they're too phlegmatic and self-absorbed for that, but a Pomeranian or a Dandy Dinmont can be emotionally scarred for life by one of my sneezes.

topical tom - You are so right. I have employed the sneezing-into-the-arm technique myself. Matter of fact, it may be precisely that which threw my right shoulder out of whack about 5 or 6 months ago, and it still isn't fully back to normal. So I think I'll stick with the towel method for now.

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Sorcha
Date: 07 Apr 08 - 11:26 PM

Oh dear...LOL, ROF, and all that stuff. Hawkster, my Mr sneezes like that too. It sounds quite painful and he has scared me half out of my skin more than once.

Now, me, I do a littl lady like sneeze....




























Sure, Sorch, sure.....

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: topical tom
Date: 07 Apr 08 - 11:23 PM

You should sneeze into your arm. That way you'll always have something up your sleeve.

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Apr 08 - 10:57 PM

Well, I see no reason not to use a T-shirt, but a towel is much better because it's thicker and can absorb the shock wave much more effectively. If you ever heard me sneeze you would know what I'm talking about here. My sneezes can kill small birds and strip cheap 70's-style wood panelling clean off rec room walls.

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Peace
Date: 07 Apr 08 - 10:54 PM

Oh. I never use my t-shirts, but the shorts work, and since they have been used for only a day, why it's almost like having handkerchiefs and actin' like rich folk.

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Apr 08 - 10:51 PM

I did. But it got washed. Too bad, eh? ;-)

Dang.

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Peace
Date: 07 Apr 08 - 10:49 PM

Disgusting. Sneezing into a towel. Have you no dirty underwear?

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Apr 08 - 10:48 PM

When I visit whom? Are you suggesting that I would deliberately sneeze into someone else's towel when I'm in their house? What do you think I am, a total barbarian???

I am talking about sneezing when I'm at home and into my own towel that only I ever use. When elsewhere, I would sneeze into the open air, most likely.

Look, if you people are looking for something to have a fight about, go to the political threads! ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Skivee
Date: 07 Apr 08 - 10:43 PM

So, I hope you bring your own towel when you visit, eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Apr 08 - 10:42 PM

So? It's my towel. I can contaminate it if I want to.

Subject: RE: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Sorcha
Date: 07 Apr 08 - 10:20 PM

Well, you just did a great job of contaminating the towel.

Subject: BS: Sneezing into a towel
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Apr 08 - 10:17 PM

Anyone else do this now and then? I find it quite satisfying.

Of course, sometimes I am in the mood to just sneeze full out in the open air in as explosive a manner as possible, accompanying the massive expulsion of air and tiny bits of matter with an allmighty incoherent utterance that sounds rather like the sound a Cape buffalo might make if someone suddenly jammed a redhot poker up his...you know...   

GBLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARPHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It really gets the cobwebs out. It will also cause cats to open their eyes up WIDE, go all "furry" and dash out of the room, and dachshunds to scramble to their feet and look about in a startled fashion before sighing wearily (and a bit reproachfully) and settling back down to dreamland. Miniature Poodles and Pomeranians may suffer a complete nervous collapse.

But there are other times when I prefer to have mercy on my little furry friends and just bury all that sound and fury in a nice soft towel. It's more harmonious in a way. It's kind of like interring a body comfortably in a secure and peaceful sarcophagus where you know it will remain safely, lo these many centuries, undisturbed and at rest.

So to this end I have a towel hanging conveniently on the shower rod, and when I feel a sneeze about to happen and I am near enough to reach it, I quickly raise both hands, place them behind the towel, and draw it toward my face, burying my face deep in the towel JUST in time to....

* (PHLOOOMPH!) * stifle the mighty sneeze smoothly and oh, so perfectly into the depths of that lovely towel...like wrapping Godzilla neatly up inside a huge padded tea cozy.

Ahhhhhhhhh...... Such satisfaction. It's even better if you have 2 or 3 sneezes coming in rapid succession. The towel will receive them all without prejudice and be none the worse for wear, and the dogs will sleep on tranquilly.

Can anyone else relate to this?