BS: What do you say to a friend

Subject: RE: BS: What do you say to a friend
From: kendall
Date: 23 Mar 10 - 09:27 AM

Listen and be supportive. Right now what she needs most is a friend she can count on.

Subject: RE: BS: What do you say to a friend
From: katlaughing
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 10:19 PM

Usually you don't really need to say so much as just listen; follow her lead with small comments, but mostly just be there to listen. There aren't a lot of good listeners these days and other folks will be saying stuff to cover their own discomfort when confronted with such sorrow and reminder of their own mortality. It's a way of sharing the grief, mind you don't take it on yourself, though. It's good to use a shield of "light" surrounding you when you go into such a situation, esp. round your heart.

kat

Subject: RE: BS: What do you say to a friend
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 08:41 PM

I also never know what to say in crises. There's a lot of good advice here.

sending good wishes to you & your friend.

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: What do you say to a friend
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 04:38 PM

Thanks all. I guess I am most angry with the managers who stood aside and let the 2 jobs be combined into one post. Then made the colleagues/friends fight it out for the one post. Then stacked the interview panel for one and against the other. It was quite obvious, but nothing to be done about it as neither women are members of the union. Had they been, there would be some sort of guidance and support.

I am not too happy with the colleague who gained the post either, but won't go into details as to why.

It is not all horrible. The colleague who lost her job, will now be absorbed into another team, in another service, another building, pending another interview to find her placement. It may be that it will be a very good move for her. I am certainly hoping so. But we will miss her. She knew her job and did it very well and she just blended well with all of us in the office. And with her Dad, passing away, it would have been better for her to stay with what she knows and have people around her, who know her and care about her.

Subject: RE: BS: What do you say to a friend
From: Crow Sister (off with the fairies)
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 04:27 PM

I don't know what one can say.

Remaining grounded, sage and steady is probably the most helpful thing that someone can offer anyone in crisis. That and practical support with things that need to be done.

Subject: RE: BS: What do you say to a friend
From: olddude
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 04:20 PM

i usually say, i am here if you need to talk or a hug or just need a friend. life is so unfair at times so sad

Subject: RE: BS: What do you say to a friend
From: Ebbie
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 04:10 PM

Sometimes a person standing outside the window, so to speak, has a perspective to give that is helpful and to the point. Most of the time, though, it's been my experience that the person directly involved has a view that has her/him already halfway there. For instance, your colleague's sibling, no doubt, has a long history with her/him so whatever choices that person makes won't be out of the blue. Not to mention, presumably your colleague's father is also the father of the sibling. Who knows all the permutations at work.


I do agree with you, VT, however: seeing and hearing all these goings on can be infuriating.

Subject: RE: BS: What do you say to a friend
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 04:08 PM

"This is all so unfair. If there's anything I can do to help, please let me know."

Subject: RE: BS: What do you say to a friend
From: artbrooks
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 04:02 PM

Give her a hug and don't say anything - whatever you could say would be wrong, insufficient or both.

Subject: BS: What do you say to a friend
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 03:55 PM

God this is going to sound like the makings of a country western song.

And I am so angry, I could spit all manner of metal based pointy objects.

What do I say to colleague and friend who unfairly lost her job to another colleague and lost her father in the same afternoon? To top it off, her husband may be facing redundancy, they have 3 boys in school and her sibling will not cancel 5 week trip to Australia to help out with funeral or to support sister who's life is being turned upside down.

Something is not right in the universe.