Marring A Musician & Staying Married

Subject: RE: Marring A Musician & Staying Married
From: JenEllen
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 10:21 PM

Wonderful Kim!!!

Subject: RE: Marring A Musician & Staying Married
From: Alice
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 12:13 PM

Way to go, Kim C!!

Subject: RE: Marring A Musician & Staying Married
From: Kim C
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 10:11 AM

Ha! I used to date working musicians and they probably marred me more than I marred them. Anyway I married a guy 12 years older than me (who was never married) who had already gone through the phase of foolishness. He was over 30 so that was also good. I wanted to marry someone who would actually want to play music with ME - none of my boyfriends did. So July 21 is our 10th wedding anniversary and this weekend we are celebrating the independent release of our first cassette. Yeehaw! The family that sings together clings together.

Subject: RE: Marring A Musician & Staying Married
From: Mooh
Date: 26 Jun 00 - 07:40 PM

A musician without a spouse/girlfriend? Homeless.

Subject: RE: Marring A Musician & Staying Married
From: Morticia
Date: 26 Jun 00 - 03:57 PM

From experience I would also add,a) expect writing a song when the muse strikes, to take precedence over any other social arrangement...particularly if it involves your mother b)rehearsals go on until he thinks you've got it right, not until you do and c) his guitar will always come before you in a showdown...do not, repeat, do not, try and fight city hall on this one..it will always be embarrasing and sometimes downright ugly.

Subject: RE: Marring A Musician & Staying Married
From: JenEllen
Date: 26 Jun 00 - 02:59 PM

Marring a musician and staying married?

My first guess would be "Don't tell your husband" ;)

~Elle

Subject: RE: Marring A Musician & Staying Married
From: Mbo
Date: 26 Jun 00 - 12:45 PM

Yes...

Subject: RE: Marring A Musician & Staying Married
From: Dharmabum
Date: 26 Jun 00 - 12:45 PM

I was married once, It marred me for life. DB.

Subject: RE: Marring A Musician & Staying Married
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Jun 00 - 12:39 PM

I am confused too Mbo. Do you dream about the "black dog" of depression? Or being marred?

Still want a CD. SS

Subject: RE: Marring A Musician & Staying Married
From: MMario
Date: 26 Jun 00 - 12:34 PM

to be marred?

Subject: RE: Marring A Musician & Staying Married
From: Mbo
Date: 26 Jun 00 - 12:27 PM

Ah yes, this is my dream...

Subject: RE: Marring A Musician & Staying Married
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 26 Jun 00 - 12:17 PM

Oh that is pretty funny Alice.
I just looked up marring in the dictionary and it says:
'to spoil; disfigure
Oy, what a Freudian slip is right.

BB

Subject: RE: Marring A Musician & Staying Married
From: Alice
Date: 26 Jun 00 - 12:01 PM

"Marring" a musician? Freudian slip, Bonnie? And what should we mar them with, banjo over the head, autoharp ding (like on Joe Offer's car)?

Subject: RE: Marring A Musician & Staying Married
From: Midchuck
Date: 26 Jun 00 - 12:01 PM

How about:

1) Be a musician yourself.

2) Don't assume that no male musician takes his marriage vows seriously. Faithful musicians are like quiet, tasteful banjo players - they exist, they just don't get credit for existing because the other kind get most of the attention. Go back and listen to Stan's song, You Can't Stay Here. I assume he meant it.

3) Make his not giving up his day job a condition of your not giving up yours.

Peter.

Subject: Marring A Musician & Staying Married
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 26 Jun 00 - 11:55 AM

From an article I read in The Toronto Star (June 11)
Some tips for marring a Musician & Staying Married:

1) Face facts: Your parents won't be happy about this, no matter how old you are, how nice he is or how insistent he may be about loving you.

2) Brace yourself for your firends' responses, not just your parents'. Some friends will be supportive and shut up, but most will think you've taken leave of your senses.

3) The women. Scores and scores of women, all of whom want to "get their propers," with your man. This is particularly true of (in descending order of desirability) singers/guitar players, drummers and piano players. There is often less to worry about if your guy plays bass, especially the standup bass. Most bassmen go quietly about their business, contributing some harmonies and staying out of the limelight.

4) Take up lots of hobbies. He is not the only one who will get lonely and bored when he is on the road.

5) Spend a week by yourself on a sunny beach in the middle of winter, preferably in mid-February. These are the cruelest months for musicians; nobody is hiring bands becasue all the bars are empty after the new year. Your hubby will be in the depths of despair, howling at the gods because he is under-appreciated, under the financial gun and out of ideas for new songs. Sympathize for precisely five weeks, then turn tail and run. His "black dog," of depression that overcomes all artists at one time or another, will vanish with the first whiff of spring air.

6) The old joke, "How many children do you have that you know of?" must be addressed.

7) Become good friends with the other band wives, if you can. It is great to have someone in the same spot to share your woes, concerns and joys, to say nothing of having company when you go to his gigs.

8) Most important, know well ahead of the wedding day what you are in for.

Bonnie