BS: Computer Help Needed-Caller ID

Subject: RE: BS: Computer Help Needed-Caller ID
From: catspaw49
Date: 05 Sep 00 - 07:01 PM

My Gawd......What an option!!! This is just the ticket. An absolutely perfect sounding program to meet my every need.

I like your FART system and I was wondering......Could I save by supplying my own mixture? I mean like, yours is probably great, but I have poots that would knock a buzzard off a shitwagon.....one of the worst smells known by man or beast, with the exception of Conrad Bladey's breath.

Please send me detailed info on acquisition and pricing as I am a bit worried about the download of this product.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Computer Help Needed-Caller ID
From: Dave Swan
Date: 05 Sep 00 - 04:38 PM

Dear Mr. Catspaw,

Thank you for your recent inquiry regarding caller identification. Superior Telephone Control Systems(serving Ohio since early 2000) is pleased to offer the latest in telephone accessories designed to prevent the intrusion of pesky telephone solicitors.

We offer these high quality options:

For those occasions when you don't care to rise and interrupt your reading, or the practice of your mandolin in the most accoustically desirable room of you home, there's Flatulence Aimed from the Receiving Telephone (FART). This says "Leave me alone" in a big way. Our proprietary mixture of methane and propane is pumped from your telephone lines to the handset of the offending caller at the touch of a button. The gag reflex is stimulated in almost all cases. Studies have shown that call backs are reduced by 95% after the first exposure.

When you're awakened on a Sunday morning by someone trying to sell you another mortgage, you may wish to employ the Pneumatically Induced Nerve Crushing Headache(PINCH). A sharp blast of air transmitted down the phone line causes a momentary change in barometric pressure, causing the callers' ears to meet in the middle of his skull. Although phone solicitors do recover from this disincentive, they often seek another line of work, such as vinyl repair.

If you're troubled by callers who target your mealtime,we think you'll like our service which makes the telephone cord wrap around the caller's neck, causing a momentary loss of consciousness. With this option, you'll hear the beginning of the solicitation on your answering machine followed by quiet, and a dial tone. You'll say Strange, That Rat's Ass Never Gasped, Let's Eat.

We hope these options meet you needs.

No salesman will call.

Sincerely,

Otto Hornbein Director of Customer Relations

Subject: RE: BS: Computer Help Needed-Caller ID
From: catspaw49
Date: 05 Sep 00 - 08:07 AM

I appreciate the info Dee and Sorch.........Thanks.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Computer Help Needed-Caller ID
From: Sorcha
Date: 04 Sep 00 - 07:22 PM

I have cable modem, so I can be on line and the phone still rings, but the neighbor uses Ring Central--seems to like it OK.

Subject: RE: BS: Computer Help Needed-Caller ID
From: Dee45
Date: 04 Sep 00 - 06:19 PM

This looks promising.

Subject: Computer Help Needed-Caller ID
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 Sep 00 - 05:27 PM

I need one of the programs that are out which allows your computer to act as a caller ID when online.....knowing someone is calling and allowing you to answer (or not)......one of those type thingys.

I can't get a second line here because of the small and outmoded GTE phone office so I need something. There seem to be several out there.............

ANY Preferences or Suggestions? Anybody using one they like?

Spaw