ended relationships, this might help

Subject: RE: ended relationships, this might help
From: Sorcha
Date: 28 Dec 00 - 06:51 PM

Guess I need to look in #2, for Kate and I both......death, for those of us left behind, is just so goddammed final.........we both keep "howling at the moon".....and looking for answers where there aren't any. Not now, for us, anyway.

Subject: ended relationships, this might help
From: Hollowfox
Date: 28 Dec 00 - 06:36 PM

I've noticed lately that not a few of our number have had to deal with this. I'm in the penultimate stages of this myself. I've found a few books that helped me, and they might help some other 'Catters.

1) Practical Divorce Solutions by Ed Sherman, Nolo Press, 1994. This is practical and evenhanded ("Get all relevant information together before you talk to the lawyer. It's about $150.00/hour cheaper."). There are the usual worksheets, but the text is lightened with cartoons and clip art. It also deals with the non-legal aspects of this particular roller coaster ride.

2) "How to Survive the Loss of a Love" by Melba Colgrove, Prelude Press, 1991. This was probably written with a slant toward the female reader, but can be adapted. (I'm not exactly a ruffles-and-bows type, and neither are these books) It takes you through the stages you'll go through, whether the loss is through death or separation. The format is a series of short prose chapters that include practical advice, interspersed with poems that can be read or ignored as you choose.

3) "Dumped! A Survival Guide for the Woman Who's been Left by the Man she Loved" by Sally Warren HarperCollins, 1999.This paperback has the ugliest salmon mousse colored cover I've ever seen, but the advice is really good. Again, I think it could be adapted to male readers' needs. This is the one that pointed out that country music is extra depressing when you're going through this, by the very nature of most of the lyrics. The author advised classical music as a non-emotional alternative.

I admit that I didn't read any of these books cover to cover, but they sure helped. If any of you folks need them, I hope they help you, too.