Lyr Add: TENURE TANGO

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: TENURE TANGO
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 04 Jun 01 - 06:19 PM

Found somewhere on the Internet a long time ago:

WHY GOD NEVER RECEIVED TENURE AT ANY UNIVERSITY

1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was in Hebrew.
3. It had no references.
4. It wasn't published in a refereed journal.
5. Some even doubt he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use human subjects.
10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the Book.
13. Some say he had his son teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: TENURE TANGO
From: Charley Noble
Date: 04 Jun 01 - 04:01 PM

Mine was kicked out as well but he flew back later to chair my dissertation defense. He's been happily humming this song in Sydney, Australia, for the last 25 years.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: TENURE TANGO
From: Mrrzy
Date: 04 Jun 01 - 01:12 PM

LOL! Having suffered the consequences of no tenure (having my dissertation leader leave 1 year before finishing, having my committee fall apart about my ears thereafter, etc...) I find this quite amusing!

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: TENURE TANGO
From: Charley Noble
Date: 04 Jun 01 - 12:58 PM

Refresh #1

Subject: TENURE TANGO
From: Charley Noble
Date: 03 Jun 01 - 02:08 PM

I and my buddy Clark wrote this one on behalf of a radical psychology faculty member who was de-railed on the tenure track at Michigan State University back in 1969. We failed to realize at the time that the song might have implications for our own academic careers. Foolish, incredibly foolish! It's a dangerous song to sing, and apparently one that never seems to grow obsolete:

TENURE TANGO, THE
(Words by Clark Akatiff & Charlie Ipcar, © 1969; tune: jug band style as in "What are We Fighting For?)

It's a cloistered place, an ivory tower;
Professors gettin' richer by the hour,
Doing the tenure tango:

Chorus:

It's one step forward, two steps back,
Moving down that tenure track,
Doing the tenure tango!

That tenure train is all the rage,
If you fit the tenure gauge,
Doing the tenure tango: (CHO)

Don't look forward, don't look back;
You might jump that tenure track,
Doing the tenure tango: (CHO)

Don't look left, don't look right;
Do your research every night,
Doing the tenure tango: (CHO)

Textbook here, textbook there;
Here-a-text, there-a-text, everywhere a text, text,
Doing the tenure tango: (CHO)

We've got students from wall to wall;
Anymore come, have to stack 'em in the hall,
Doing the tenure tango: (CHO)

Leave your students in the lurch,
You can call it "Pure Research,"
Doing the tenure tango: (CHO)

Repeat the first verse, chorus, and exit in congo line.