BS: Christmas in a Padded Cell

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in a Padded Cell
From: GUEST,Gusty
Date: 03 Dec 01 - 11:56 AM

I'll explain the "handle" later. First, let me say that I am really chuffed at the responses to my ranting. As I said, I wrote that as a polite way of complaining to corporate. Such was my inspiration, it took me all of a half hour. Sadly, it hasn't had the slightest effect. I have now been subjected to every conceivable arrangement of Jingle f--king Bells, Let It Snow, etc, by practically every artist you can think of. Heightening my irritation, they played a "country piano" rendition of Silver Bells yesterday(I think it was Floyd Cramer)in bloody 4/4 time! (After I'd already heard it at least 50 times by Old Blue Eyes, Perry and Bing, among others since arriving at work for the day.) The damned song was written in 3/4 (or 6/8), and I'm a purist when it comes to performing songs the way they were intended by the composer. So that just really tripped my trigger. I've a good mind to cut the friggin' speaker wires!

I have no clue how to copyright something, nor the time to find out how. Knowing it was well received is satisfaction enough for me. If anyone cares to read it, print it, or whatever, please feel free.

As for the "handle", you all "knew" me under another 'Cat name. I've chosen this new one because it closely relates to my surname IRL. (That'll keep you guessing.) No, my last name doesn't rhyme with fart.

Nappy Hew Year.

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in a Padded Cell
From: GUEST,Rowana - lost that cookie again
Date: 03 Dec 01 - 11:30 AM

Did my meager shopping over the phone with Lands End. And after the transaction was completed, the very pleasant woman on the other end of the line chatted with me for 20 minutes about her holiday a few weeks ago in my small town. A happy exchange and NO music. Nothing gives me the horrors like a pop diva warbling "O Holy Night" - except, perhaps, hearing "Jingle Bell Rock". A little bit of Christmas music goes a long way. A lot of Christmas music keeps me out of the shops. Glad to hear others feel the same way.

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in a Padded Cell
From: Grab
Date: 02 Dec 01 - 06:36 PM

Superb! That's getting read out at at least one folk club round my way over the next few weeks (unless I've already been locked up for murdering a purveyor of Xmas tat).

Graham.

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in a Padded Cell
From: Morticia
Date: 02 Dec 01 - 10:18 AM

For last year's Hah, Bumhug discussion click here

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in a Padded Cell
From: kendall
Date: 02 Dec 01 - 09:44 AM

It's a bind alright, those merchants make most of their yearly profits at Christmas time, so, they are pressed to make it start as soon as they can, especially in a bad year. The hell of it is, their method of "getting us into the mood" is what drives some of us away. My daughters and I, and my two oldest grand children have said, "No more" and we dont go near the stores. I do, however, buy something for my 5 year old grand son who doesn't understand capitalism.

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in a Padded Cell
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 02 Dec 01 - 03:50 AM

I've had so many arguments with 'Billy No Stars' employees over why I don't want to buy things in a store where I have to scream to be heard over the muzak - and I ain't exactly a quiet person!!!

I once asked a well known clothing store to turn down the music because I couldn't hear what the woman was telling me.... she refused so I dumped the (not insignificantly priced) clothes I was asking if I could try on in her arms and walked. Next time I went past (never did go back in....) the muzak was bearable.

As for Christmas stuff, it just winds me up and I'm not a quiet person (have I mentioned that before?*BG*) so I tend to grumble to anyone within 5ft and stump off like Scrooge. My most usual comment is 'It's bloody October, bloody Advent hasn't started yet!' It's rapidly turning into the 12 months of Christmas - now there's a song challenge.

For the first month of Christmas my store, it offered me: (In that the first month would be the time when most stores start displaying Christmas goods - which would make it about July)........

Off you go then, fill it in....!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in a Padded Cell
From: kendall
Date: 01 Dec 01 - 07:05 PM

I'm with Kat. I go to stores only when I must buy something, and, on many trips to these torture chambers I have complained bitterly about the "Imitation music". One clerk said, "Oh, we dont even hear it" I said "Then why in the name of common sense do you run it"? And, I told another clerk "If that damned racket is more important to you than paying customers, one of us has a problem." Another clerk asked "Dont you like music"? big mistake. I replied, "Yes, I love music, that's the whole problem."All I got was a one of those blank stares that come with minimum wage clerks.

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in a Padded Cell
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 01 - 11:01 AM

Handsome job!! Author!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in a Padded Cell
From: katlaughing
Date: 01 Dec 01 - 02:32 AM

Guest, you might want to check out the WFDU Christmas thread. This would be a fun thing to send to Ron, for airing, but I think you'd have to identify yourself, in some way.

It really is quite good!

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in a Padded Cell
From: katlaughing
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 08:31 PM

EXCELLENT!! That's why I hate to go shopping anytime of the year, actually, is the damn muzak! Brilliant job of writing!!

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in a Padded Cell
From: artbrooks
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 07:51 PM

Sneak the Tom Lehrer Christmas Song onto the Musak. That'll fix 'em.

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in a Padded Cell
From: harpgirl
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 07:46 PM

...my whole suburban block is already lit up!!! I still have my pumpkin flag out. Heck, I may keep it out there until December 25th!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in a Padded Cell
From: Morticia
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 07:40 PM

OH how I sympathise. When at University I took a job in a store over the Christmas holidays. By the first day I was still smiling but weakly... by the second I was snarling in time to the music, by the third snarling in time to the music AT the customers.....by the fourth they took me away forlornly whistling Santa Baby through my teeth and pretending I was an elf. Please stop this inhumane treatment to shop staff and customers.

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in a Padded Cell
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 07:36 PM

Christmas in a padded cell sounds like bliss to me....... see you there chaps!!

LTS - who has seen 3 trees and 1 house covered in lights already this week, not including the stores, and it isn't even December!!

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in a Padded Cell
From: GUEST,HQ
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 07:20 PM

you have just been given two weeks severance pay Guest Santa.. now fuck off...

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in a Padded Cell
From: Amergin
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 06:58 PM

ROFL! absolutely bril!

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in a Padded Cell
From: Giac
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 06:44 PM

Applies to shoppers as well as employees. You're right on the mark. A constant stream of tired Yule tunes only makes one want to flee the store. Good job!

Mary

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in a Padded Cell
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 06:20 PM

Felice Navidaddddddddd!!

Rick

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in a Padded Cell
From: MMario
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 03:54 PM

eggzatamundo!

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in a Padded Cell
From: catspaw49
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 03:51 PM

ABFAB!!!! BRILLIANT!!!! BRAVO!!!! BRAVO!!!! AUTHOR!!!! AUTHOR!!!! COMPLETELY HILARIOUS!!!!

...ans sooo sad because it's sooo true!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in a Padded Cell
From: jeffp
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 03:43 PM

Brilliant!!!!!!!

jeffp

Subject: Christmas in a Padded Cell
From: GUEST
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 02:58 PM

Did you ever get so weary of hearing Christmas songs perpetually playing in stores no matter where you go? I can remember a time when they didn't start until maybe a couple weeks before Christmas, at the earliest. Now they start before Holloween in some places.

Please pardon the length of this post. I wrote this as a tactful protest to the HQ of the retail chain I work for, and it really caught on among the staff at my store. Just wanted to share it on this forum. Happy Hols.


'Twas a month before Christmas and all through the store,
"Festive" tunes began playing; they'd soon be a bore.
They were pleasant at first, as they are every year,
Their initial effect was light-hearted good cheer.
But over and over, they get so mundane,
I'm afraid before long I'll be going insane!
Essentially captive while I'm on the clock,
I've no choice but to listen to Jingle Bell Rock,
Silver Bells, Sleigh Ride, and then We Three Kings,
And all of the others that EVERYONE sings.
Once in a while, this music is fine,
But for cryin' out loud! Pa-leeeze! Draw a line!

Now, I love those old melodies, don't get me wrong;
White Christmas by Bing is a wonderful song.
But if I keep hearing it ten times an hour,
Surely, come Christmas, my mood will be sour!
By the time Christmas gets here, it won't be a thrill.
I'll be so fed up, I'll be ready to kill!
And it's not only me who might go 'round the bend.
Even the shoppers get sick of the trend.
I heard one guy shout as he sped toward the door,
"I can't stand it! I gotta get outta this store!
This is drivin' me crazy! It should be a crime!
I can't bear to hear Deck the Halls one more time!"

It wouldn't annoy me to such an extent
If these songs were played for the purpose they're meant.
But I know the real intention behind
The premature playing of songs of this kind.
It has nothing to do with the true Christmas gist.
'Tis to keep shoppers' minds on their gift shopping list.
Yes, this music is played for hours on end
As sublime stimulation for shoppers to spend.
And it starts ever sooner as each year goes by.
Pretty soon, we'll be hearing these songs in July!
'Tis already driving some shoppers away,
And the Hell of it is, corporate thinks it's OK!

Now, that very notion is what's so unfair.
They're spoiling my Christmas, and they have not a care.
Enough is enough is enough is ENOUGH!
I am bloody well tired of this holiday stuff!
I dream of these songs when I'm snug in my bed;
And coming to work is something I dread!
I don't mean to sound like a Scrooge or a grouch,
But I fear I'll end up on some head doctor's couch.
This repetitive music is making me sick,
As it would anyone, even good old Saint Nick!
And knowing the fact that I am not alone
Is what really inspires me to pick at this bone.

On behalf of employees in stores o'er the land,
I implore ye in management, please understand.
To force these songs on us with nothing between
Is cruel and thoughtless and just downright mean.
Nothing but Christmas songs day out, day in
Causes seasonal burnout, I'll say it again.
For the sake of our sanity, please hear our plea.
All we want is a little more VARIETY!!!
Put some non-Christmas songs in the mix that you play.
You'd find this small gesture would go a long way
Toward salvaging some of the spirit and cheer
We're entitled to feel when our Christmas gets here.