BS: QVC

Subject: RE: BS: QVC
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Sep 06 - 11:26 PM

oh, no doubt..

Hey, Spaw...have you ever seen the sports memoribilia shopping channel? "These authentic boxes that once held baseballs that were purportedly used in a major league game that might have been attended by Babe Ruth's cousin will SURELY triple in value!.... as soon as we get 200 other suckers to buy some."

Subject: RE: BS: QVC
From: GUEST
Date: 21 Sep 06 - 07:55 PM

QVC is very handy for disabled people who shop from home with lots of love to give but enjoy suprising family or friends with little gifts.

Subject: RE: BS: QVC
From: akenaton
Date: 21 Sep 06 - 07:42 PM

I appreciate Catspaws attempts at humour, but I 'm sure Bill, Richard and Bobad will be well aware that "humour" can be used to elucidate or to obscure the point.

Seems to me that the crime being perpetrated by these channels is not the quality or usefulness of the merchandise, but the very act of buying as an alternative to living loving and feeling....Ake

Subject: RE: BS: QVC
From: bobad
Date: 21 Sep 06 - 07:19 PM

On the corner of Heartattack and Vine.

Subject: RE: BS: QVC
From: GUEST
Date: 21 Sep 06 - 07:13 PM

Brilliant! Where can I get it.

Subject: Lyr Add: STEP RIGHT UP (Tom Waits)
From: bobad
Date: 21 Sep 06 - 06:52 PM

Step Right Up
Tom Waits

Step right up
step right up
step right up
Everyone's a winner, bargains galore
That's right, you too can be the proud owner
Of the quality goes in before the name goes on
One-tenth of a dollar
one-tenth of a dollar
we got service after sales
You need perfume? we got perfume
how 'bout an engagement ring?
Something for the little lady
something for the little lady
Something for the little lady, hmm
Three for a dollar
We got a year-end clearance, we got a white sale
And a smoke-damaged furniture
you can drive it away today
Act now, act now
and receive as our gift, our gift to you
They come in all colors, one size fits all
No muss, no fuss, no spills
you're tired of kitchen drudgery
Everything must go
going out of business
going out of business
Going out of business sale
Fifty percent off original retail price
skip the middle man
Don't settle for less
How do we do it?
how do we do it?
volume, volume, turn up the volume
Now you've heard it advertised, don't hesitate
Don't be caught with your drawers down
Don't be caught with your drawers down
You can step right up, step right up

That's right, it filets, it chops
It dices, slices, never stops
lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn
And it mows your lawn
and it picks up the kids from school
It gets rid of unwanted facial hair
it gets rid of embarrassing age spots
It delivers a pizza
and it lengthens, and it strengthens
And it finds that slipper that's been at large
under the chaise longe for several weeks
And it plays a mean Rhythm Master
It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar
And it's only a dollar, step right up
it's only a dollar, step right up

'Cause it forges your signature.
If not completely satisfied
mail back unused portion of product
For complete refund of price of purchase
Step right up
Please allow thirty days for delivery
don't be fooled by cheap imitations
You can live in it, live in it
laugh in it, love in it
Swim in it, sleep in it
Live in it, swim in it
laugh in it, love in it
Removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets
that's right
And it entertains visiting relatives
it turns a sandwich into a banquet
Tired of being the life of the party?
Change your shorts
change your life
change your life
Change into a nine-year-old Hindu boy
get rid of your wife
And it walks your dog, and it doubles on sax
Doubles on sax, you can jump back Jack
see you later alligator
See you later alligator
And it steals your car
It gets rid of your gambling debts, it quits smoking
It's a friend, and it's a companion
And it's the only product you will ever need
Follow these easy assembly instructions
it never needs ironing
Well it takes weights off hips, bust
thighs, chin, midriff
Gives you dandruff, and it finds you a job
it is a job
And it strips the phone company free
take ten for five exchange
And it gives you denture breath
And you know it's a friend, and it's a companion
And it gets rid of your traveler's checks
It's new, it's improved, it's old-fashioned
Well it takes care of business
never needs winding
Never needs winding
never needs winding
Gets rid of blackheads, the heartbreak of psoriasis
Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak, buddy
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon
'Cause it's effective, it's defective
it creates household odors
It disinfects, it sanitizes for your protection
It gives you an erection
it wins the election
Why put up with painful corns any longer?
It's a redeemable coupon, no obligation
no salesman will visit your home
We got a jackpot, jackpot, jackpot
prizes, prizes, prizes, all work guaranteed
How do we do it
how do we do it
how do we do it
how do we do it
We need your business
we're going out of business
We'll give you the business
Get on the business
end of our going-out-of-business sale
Receive our free brochure, free brochure
Read the easy-to-follow assembly instructions
batteries not included
Send before midnight tomorrow, terms available
Step right up
step right up
step right up
You got it buddy: the large print giveth
and the small print taketh away
Step right up
you can step right up
you can step right up
C'mon step right up
(Get away from me kid, you bother me...)
Step right up, step right up, step right up
c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon
Step right up
you can step right up
c'mon and step right up
C'mon and step right up

Subject: RE: BS: QVC
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Sep 06 - 06:52 PM

PS please let me know if you find any of these:

1. Anacanapanasan
2. Onnaconnapooner
3. Anti-Epizootics
4. Digestive Aids for Edible Underwear

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: QVC
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Sep 06 - 06:49 PM

What you want to try to find, Spaw, is Unobtanium.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: QVC
From: catspaw49
Date: 21 Sep 06 - 06:42 PM

Richard I don't think you can get any offspring of underregulated capitalists, natural or otherwise, but you can get Sea Monkeys if those will do.

BTW, I've been looking for Anathema after shave but I can only find it in sampler bottles. Where did you find it in the 4 fl.oz. size?....assuming you did?

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: QVC
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 21 Sep 06 - 06:31 PM

These things are the natural offspring of underregulated capitalism. If, as I, you find them anathema, you have to say that at the very least capitalism must be regulated, probably reformed, and desirably discarded with the beggar-my-neighbour greed in our solds (if we have souls).

Subject: RE: BS: QVC
From: catspaw49
Date: 21 Sep 06 - 06:27 PM

Ah shoot.....There must be a dozen or so more besides QVC. HSC, BTV....not to mention the loads of great infomercials and such. Why just last week I sent in $39.95 on a new business I learned about on one of those! I'm going to make a killing selling surplus government quinine pills by running tiny little ads. If you guys want in I can make more if I sign you up and then if you sign people up we all can make even more.

Oh yeah, I just got the latest series of commemorative coins for only 6 payments of $69.95 (plus S&H).   They're real beauties in silver with green powder coat. An entire series honoring the anniversary of the first kudzu planting in Florida and it's movement into 18 other states. These are bound to increase in value, no two ways about it.

Some of the best stuff though that you guys are missing is the music. I got a vintage vinyl of Yoko's 243 Greatest Hits and, this one really excites me, "Myron Kopetz and the Nose Flute Kings Play the Best of Perry Como." What a great CD!

I got me all kinds of neat stuff like my one foot fishing rod with it's built in tackle box and reel, a crank powered flashlight, and a dozen reusable sheepskin condoms.

I love those channels!!!! Y'all are nuts.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: QVC
From: mg
Date: 21 Sep 06 - 06:04 PM

Well, heavens, your attitude is worse than the presenters. There is a shortage of love and respect in the world but you just added to it. mg

Subject: RE: BS: QVC
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Sep 06 - 06:03 PM

amen to every word, Ake.....I have taken that channel out of the remote's series setup...I can't get to it except by specifying in now.

Subject: BS: QVC
From: akenaton
Date: 21 Sep 06 - 05:48 PM

A couple of days ago I was stuck at home unable to work because of wet weather and decided to have a look at what was on the "box".
I stumbled on to QVC "the shopping channel", which was promoting "gem day", a 24hr marathon which involved the unloading of tons of junk jewellery on to unloved and unlovely demented women of a certain age.
Teams of slimy presenters took turns tormenting their unfortunate victims by alternately massaging their egos, then bullying them into spending money on rubbish...."Hurry hurry we're down to our last hundred pairs of Nigerian pliothalite earings"

The whole disgusting spectacle struck me as a metaphor for all thats wrong with this society of ours, full of unloved people filling their lives with worthless baubles. Encouraged and goaded by people..the presenters... who obviously knew very well what function they were being paid to perform.

The victims were encouraged to talk of "The shopping experience" on air, one said that she had watched the whole show and had bought every one of the last sixty items on offer.

Others were encouraged to spend money which they couldn't afford..and I quote from one of the female presenters...."You might feel that the money you have should be spent on the children or on food ect but this ring is only £95, and isn't your happiness worth a mere £95".

Aren't we a despicable species to prey on our brothers and sisters and measure every human emotion in pounds and dollars...Ake