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TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
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Subject: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: catspaw49 Date: 06 Dec 99 - 10:15 PM I've always loved wacky signs. I used to love the "National Lampoon's" sign pages. Some are done to be cutesy or gross such as a butcher friend who did actually have a slogan on his price board that said, "You Can't Beat My Meat." But those aren't all that humorous. The really funny ones are the unintentional things that you may need to be a bit "whacked" to appreciate. Like "Big A Cleaners"--Steve Allan called them from his TV show and asked how much it would cost to clean his big A. That kind of thing. I saw a real goody today!!! And don't you know I'm just dying to call them!!! We passed a small plant, probably specializing in sandpaper or carborundum wheels or whatever with a nice sign out front that read: ABRASIVE TECHNOLOGIES Uh,huh. Phone call--"Hello, I want to talk to you about this damn (insert computer thing, ie. scanner). The directions really suck and I can get the foccker to work and its a real pisser....Not a gawddamn bit user friendly. I figure you must have made it, so tell me what the hell I gotta' do to get it working." Can you see the poor slob on the other end? And you could play it for awhile too. Anyway........... Got a few of these you've seen??? Spaw |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: MandolinPaul Date: 06 Dec 99 - 10:25 PM On the side of a factory, is the company name: "otal Precision", complete with the discolouring where the "T" used to be. On a bus ad in Peterborough, Ontario: "The Kawartha Credit Union - The alternative to all your banking needs". So you can go someplace else to satisfy all of your banking needs, OR as an alternative, you can go to the Kawartha Credit Union. Paul |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Little Neophyte Date: 06 Dec 99 - 10:33 PM No joke, I really saw this................... A proctologist office with a big sign AMPLE PARKING IN THE REAR I couldn't believe it! BB |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Midchuck Date: 06 Dec 99 - 10:33 PM This will confuse the British and American members, for opposite reasons. A young female friend of ours has a picture of herself, taken in England, pointing at a huge billboard for "Beaver Removals," with a horrified look on her face. |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Escamillo Date: 06 Dec 99 - 10:46 PM Near here there is a big and ugly building. Just in a corner's wall, a group of artists, sponsored by some civil organization, have painted an enormous picture that resembles a big hole in the wall, as if made with a hammer, its edges as broken masonry, through which you can see a landscape of green fields and trees up to the horizon. The paint is titled "UTOPIA", and the building is the State Prison. Of course, it can be seen only from outside. I still can't say if this could be called art, or humour, or cruelty, or something else. Yours, Andrés |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: sophocleese Date: 06 Dec 99 - 10:59 PM Every time we visit my inlaws we pass "Ye Olde Hitch and Post Hair Care". I'm not sure I want to know what kind of styling they do. |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Mbo Date: 06 Dec 99 - 11:15 PM There's one me sister and I laugh at every weekend. Up around Kinston way (NC)there's this empty parking lot. The sign reads "Do-It-Yourself Car Wash." Also in Kinston is a run-down place advertising "Fishing Rods, Bait, Worms, Crickets, Night Crawlers, and North Carolina State Car Inspections." --Mbo |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: northfolk/al cholger Date: 06 Dec 99 - 11:28 PM I like the handy work of a local sage in the small northern michigan town of Hale, who put up a sign that looked very much like the highway department signage, at the city limit, except on one side it said, in Hale, and on the other, exhale. |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Jeri Date: 06 Dec 99 - 11:30 PM There once was a sign near where I live with one-way arrows pointing in both directions. During some horrible crop-ruining floods in Indiana, some poor farmer with a sense of humor stuck a "no fishing" sign beside the small lake in what once was his corn field. |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Metchosin Date: 06 Dec 99 - 11:59 PM sign in front of restaurant on Vancouver Island....Eat Here .....Get Gas |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: katlaughing Date: 07 Dec 99 - 12:36 AM Metchosin, that reminds me, as a really little kid I used to look at the signs that said "Gas Food Lodging" and wonder where the logic was in eating gas before going to bed. Great thread, Spaw. luvyaKat |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: SeanM Date: 07 Dec 99 - 12:49 AM My current absolute favorite is the "Michelobe... or Beer?" advertising campaign... I've always suspected that Michelob wasn't really beer... M |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Áine Date: 07 Dec 99 - 12:53 AM My Daddy always said that Jax was the only honest American beer -- at least they put a picture of the horse on the label! -- Áine |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: catspaw49 Date: 07 Dec 99 - 01:02 AM Its not exactly a sign, but take a look at a frozen dinner. On the front of the package is a picture of the "dinner" sitting in the tray. Underneath it says, "Serving Suggestion"......Geez, I would never have thought of serving it THAT WAY...........gimmee peace..... Spaw |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: JedMarum Date: 07 Dec 99 - 01:44 AM Who's Steve Allan? |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Metchosin Date: 07 Dec 99 - 01:49 AM To import something I just posted at another thread, when I worked in St. John's Nfld., many years ago, I rented a car just to drive to an outport town called Dildo, so I could say I had been there and was suprised to find there was an Upper Dildo too. |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Liz the Squeak Date: 07 Dec 99 - 04:28 AM In the Whitechapel Road, London, is a shop called 'Butts Wholesale', hysterical laughter every time I go past it.... And there are trucks that drive up and down the UK with 'Snap on Tools' written all over them.. I didn't even know they snapped off!! There was once a convent that wanted to call themselves the Sisters of the Holy and Indivisible Trinity, until someone pointed out what the anacronym would be.... same mistake was nearly made by Newcastle Polytechnic, who when converted to a university, when there was already a Newcastle University, wanted to call themselves the City University of Newcastle Town........ That's true, the curate told me last night in the pub.... LTS |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Alan of Australia Date: 07 Dec 99 - 06:19 AM G'day, A friend just emailed me these:- Sign in a Laundromat AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT Sign in a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS Sign on a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK) Spotted in a toilet in a London office block: TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
Cheers, |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Liz the Squeak Date: 07 Dec 99 - 07:30 AM We have a dry cleaners near us that proudly states ~ Don't kill your wife, let us do it! The signs of our times that I find least amusing are the ones on the door to Harrods that state NO: backpacks photography or videoing ripped jeans (even if they are Gautier) food or drink vests (singlets)or bra tops mobile phones It's only a jumped up grocers shop for heavens sake. I just simply say NO HARRODS! LTS
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: InOBU Date: 07 Dec 99 - 07:52 AM New York City, Essex Street, there is a retail market, in yellow sandstone. The name is written on an indentation in the wall, over each door, so that if you stand at the right angle, with the light just right, you dont see the indentation and can make a photograph of the sex street tail market. All the best Larry |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Mike Billo Date: 07 Dec 99 - 10:20 AM For many years a shop in Oakland left up their sign that they neglected to put the apostrophe in, LINOLEUM DICKS. |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: alison Date: 07 Dec 99 - 10:25 AM I always liked this one at road works........ SLOW - BIG PLANT CROSSING havn't seen a big tulip yet.. but I'm still looking... slainte alison |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Vixen Date: 07 Dec 99 - 10:36 AM At the dentist's last month in Mystic, CT, the canopy over the adjacent doctor's office door read: STIC DICAL ENTER This, for some reason, sent me into spasms of laughter at the time, and still gives me a chuckle now. I wish someone could tell me why I find it so amusing...I didn't have nitrous at the dentist's! V |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Davey Date: 07 Dec 99 - 10:40 AM What a timely thread..... I just got this in my email this morning.
The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD.
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: lamarca Date: 07 Dec 99 - 02:44 PM I'm collecting dumb or overwrought US Park Service signs from National Parks around the country. Here are a few of my favorites: "Know the dangers of the Potomac River. Steep rocks, deadly currents. Even wading can kill!" - Great Falls Park, Washington, DC
"Danger - blue jellyfish" (refers to the many Portuguese man-o'war jellyfish washed up on the beach, but offers no other explanation) "In case of flooding, climb to safety"- Cache le Poudre Canyon, Colorado (Uh, duh...) "Wild ponies kick and bite. Do not feed them." - Assateague National Seashore (It was a great disillusionment for someone who grew up reading "Misty of the Chincoteague" to see the wild ponies for the first time, kicking over trashcans on the beach and scavenging Dorito chips...) |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Roger the skiffler Date: 07 Dec 99 - 02:49 PM In small letters so you had to stand really close to read it: "Danger, do not stand under here, falling rocks"! ... and those signs near airports "Beware low flying aircraft" (what do you do, take your hat off, as someone (Michael Flanders, Victor Borge?) use to say. RtS |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: MMario Date: 07 Dec 99 - 02:55 PM The saddest "signs of our times" "Caution - coffee is hot and can scald if spilled" "Stairs slippery when wet - use handrail. Management is not responsible for injury occuring when stairs are wet" "Not responsible for lost or stolen articles"
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: jeffp Date: 07 Dec 99 - 03:42 PM Many years ago, my family went to Colorado for a reunion. We did some sightseeing while we were there, of course, which included a drive on something called the Serpentine Road (an apt description). It was at the bottom of an incredibly tall canyon and so narrow that it was one-way. Near the end of the drive, the road passed under a road bridge which was waaaaay up at the top of the canyon. On that bridge was a sign which required binoculars to read. It said "Clearance 97 Feet." Useless, but probably required by law. As Mr. Bumble said, "The law is an ass." Jeffp |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Bert Date: 07 Dec 99 - 04:15 PM We got a laugh from one local store which has just put up a new sign... STOCK UP FOR Y2K NOW BEER, WATER. |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: kendall Date: 07 Dec 99 - 04:50 PM I posted this before, this time I'll do it right. Many convenience stores in southern Maine have these signs: DICKS WORMS AND CRAWLERS.
there is a store in northern Maine with a sign that says |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Little Dorrit Date: 07 Dec 99 - 05:08 PM There used to be a construction company in Moreton in the Marsh warwickshire called SPOOK ERECTIONS -of course that was in the days before Viagra! |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Llanfair Date: 07 Dec 99 - 05:12 PM Carved on an ancient stone in the middle of a field; FO RAS SES TOR UBA GAI NS T+ Hwyl, Bron. |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Date: 07 Dec 99 - 05:36 PM A refuse removal outfit in Maryland had signs on the back of their trucks that read: SATISFACTION GUARANTEED OR DOUBLE YOUR GARBAGE BACK. and in Angola,DE an old run down drive-in had a sign on it's roof that had been altered by vandals and never corrected that read: FAT IN YOUR CAR. Frankie |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: lamarca Date: 07 Dec 99 - 05:45 PM Then there was a fast food place, "McConnell's Fun Food" on Rt. 404 outside of Denton, MD that had the sign: "WE FRY CHOLESTEROL FREE" They're out of business now... And one on Ocean Highway in Ocean City, MD that advertised "BAIT SANDWICHES" I don't think they served sushi... |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: catspaw49 Date: 07 Dec 99 - 07:45 PM I know what you men Mario....sad signs indeed. Equally sad, in a different way is some of the labeling on boxes. Like we can't figure out what size of shape or material to use ourselves. Sadly a lot of people can't and sue somebody. I remember looking at the bottom of a donut box..."Suggested Use: 12 Circular Donuts".....like I was going to ship an anvil in it fer chrissakes. I used that box to teach one of my classes for three days. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Caitrin Date: 07 Dec 99 - 08:02 PM Those little "do not eat" packages in shoeboxes. I mean, what are you going to do? Say, "I need a snack. Why eat potato chips when we've got these nice little papers full of silica crystals?" It's just silly. |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 07 Dec 99 - 08:23 PM Sidmouth Festival on the campo site they had one year a noitice saying "Do not block the toilets with your cars"
But the saddest signs, and they aren't a joke, are all the signs in every open space next to housing developments saying "No ball games"
Or there are the notices you see as you drive around saying "Rabbits for sale - for pets or table" |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Paul S Date: 08 Dec 99 - 09:22 AM There is a family down the road that has at least five kids. The sign on their extra-long driveway says, "SLOW children at play". Some of these kids go to the school that my wife teaches at, and she couldn't agree more. Caitrin, the other day, I was rummaging through my brand new shoes, looking for something to eat, when I came across one of those packages of silica gel. That warning may have saved my life. Paul |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Paul S Date: 08 Dec 99 - 09:23 AM By the way, that's a joke. Paul |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Mbo Date: 08 Dec 99 - 09:37 AM There are some signs that just don't mean to be funny, like in Lenoir County, there's a place called "Tickbite." After Hurricane Floyd, there was a picture on the front page of the Jacksonville Daily News reading "Dog rescued from flood waters in Tickbite." There's also a funny sign sometimes seen outside new construction projects in J-ville "This site planned by Boney Architects." On the WITN-7 Seven Feet of Cash giveaway, their tagline is "You Can't Win If You Don't Play." Kinda reminds me of my own proposed tagline for KFC "Tastes So Good, You Wanna Eat It." Want's the deal with that? --Mbo |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Roger the skiffler Date: 08 Dec 99 - 10:23 AM The UK satirical magazine Private Eye has a weekly feature on this: I particularly liked this one:Click here RtS |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Roger the skiffler Date: 08 Dec 99 - 10:27 AM Sorry the link reverts to the front page. Click on I-Spy within the link to get the sign Roger the not-so-smartarse |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Bert Date: 08 Dec 99 - 10:48 AM I saw a sign in Alabama that proclaimed "Pornography Awareness Week" It turned out to be for a church, not an adult bookstore as I had first suspected. I bet they packed 'em in the aisles that week. |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Ma-K Date: 08 Dec 99 - 02:47 PM I saw this on top of a dam in Wyo. DON'T DROP TOOL MEN BELOW...... |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Bullfrog Date: 09 Dec 99 - 11:25 AM My personal favourite is in a field on the road from Buckingham to Bicester: FOR SALE --- FARMER'S OWN SEED. |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Bill D Date: 09 Dec 99 - 12:14 PM there is a Quaker school in Wichita, that for awhile put out some brochures referring to "Friends University of Central Kansas" and I have a photo...taken by me, of a plain little motel right about here near the Kansas-Missouri border , with a sign mounted clear along the peak of its roof, proclaiming MOTEL 69
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: AllisonA(Animaterra) Date: 09 Dec 99 - 12:26 PM Not far from here neat the Massachusetts border there is a long driveway leading to two very different businesses. Along the road are signs for each business, side by side: Joe's Self-Storage Units. County Prison. Am I the only one who thinks that's funny? |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Paul S Date: 09 Dec 99 - 12:38 PM Yep. |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: Bert Date: 09 Dec 99 - 12:47 PM Nope. |
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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times From: sophocleese Date: 09 Dec 99 - 01:49 PM THAT'S IT!! I'm tired of this persistent bickering Paul and Bert make up now! Thank you. PS. Bert's right. |