BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!

Subject: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 11:56 AM

This one is being written from a male point of view and I am inviting all the great women of the 'Cat (none of whom are aging) to throw in their thoughts. An open ended list here and additions are welcome! So let's see here................

TOP WAYS TO KNOW YOU ARE AGING

*** The only time you think about doing it twice is just before you do it once. At first I related this to sexual matters but as I get older I notice it applies pretty well to everything.......**sigh**......

*** You meet an old friend and your first topic to catch up on is operations, illnesses, and disabilities of both yourselves and other friends.

*** You move to the side of the bed closer to the bathroom.

*** You notice that all those old fart "Mall Walkers" are actually your age!

*** You act responsibly and go down to pre-arrange your funeral where you find they want the money up front. This actually cheers you up for a minute because at this point you know you can't possibly afford to die for a few more years at least!

*** You now spend more time trimming your ear and nose hair than trimming your beard or shaving.

*** You notice that you no longer see yourself in the fray while watching your favorite sport. As a matter of fact, even watching wears you out!

*** You rip off a fart and instead of thinking it's good enough to clear a room, you whiff the air and say, "Grandpa?"

*** You see some foxy 16 year old girl in skimpy attire and instead of thinking "WOW," you think how glad you are not to be her father.


Add on friends........

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: MMario
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 12:00 PM

The one that gets me is:

****You listen to a conversation about a decrpit old fart without hearing the name; then discover the person in question is younger then you are!****

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: allanwill
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 12:37 PM

These from another chat site.

Allan

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is
optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the
preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you
can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same
sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the
answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy
beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age
comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your
pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers
license.
At age 20 success is . . . having sex.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 60 success is . . . having sex.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers
license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your
pants.

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: kendall
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 12:50 PM

Your back goes out more often than you do.
You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
You sit in a rocking chair, and can't get it going.
The cops all look like kids.
You wake up and realize you are sleeping with someone's grandmother.

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Thomas the Rhymer
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 12:58 PM

Finding that whenever you bend over to pick something up, you look for something else you could do while you're down there...

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Schantieman
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 12:59 PM

Roy Bailey bases a good part of his set around these. And very good it is too.

Steve

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Peter T.
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 01:11 PM

You know you are aging when your conversations are more and more taken up with the wise dead, the ancestors, through books, music, art and memory -- they speak of things that few in your time care about, but which are sweeter, saner, deeper; when you become much gentler with other people because you cannot know what secret griefs and burdens they are bearing, but you now have your own; when the great rhythm of things, the Tao, the Dharma, catches your attention more and more beneath the wash of the tired new; when you find yourself speaking less and less because you have said the same things, told the same stories, made the same jokes many times, and even you are weary of hauling around your kit bag of battered party favours.

yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 01:16 PM

Ah now PT, I feel obligated to try to make a joke out of that ever-so-true post............Hmmmmm............Well, look at it this way, you're already older than a lot of famous dead guys, many of which never got to be as old as we are now!................Wait a minute..........that's not funny........................... damn.....................**sigh**.....................

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Don Firth
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 01:20 PM

I run into some decrepit old geezer who looks vaguely familiar. He stares at me for a few seconds, then he sez, "Hey, aren't you Don Firth?" I sez to him, "Yes, I am. You look kind of familiar to me, too." He sez, "Yeah! We went to high school together!"

Sometimes I can't remember what I just did a few seconds ago.

Sometimes I can't remember what I just did a few seconds ago.

Sometimes I can't remember what I just did a few seconds ago.

What was the question?

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: *daylia*
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 01:20 PM

You're stepping out of the bathtub ... all of a sudden you're wracked with a blinding pain in the chest ... you look down and realize you're standing on your own boobs!

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Schantieman
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 01:24 PM

LOL!

(from a bloke!)

Steve

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Cluin
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 01:35 PM

Me: Y'know, I'm starting to look more and more like Robert Redford every day.
Herself: Yeah, right. Sure you are...
Me: No, not the young good-looking Robert Redford. The old one with the funny lumps and growths on his face.

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: HuwG
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 01:44 PM

When it takes you all night to do what you used to do all night ...

Check these old threads on the subject (or related subjects)

The oldest swinger in town

Songs about getting older

Songs about young and old

Pardon me while I find where I left my cardigan and slippers ...

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 01:46 PM

Warning

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals. and say we've no money for butter.
And I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.


You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and a pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.


But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We will have friends to dinner and read the papers.


But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Jenny Joseph


I just had to throw that poem in here. I've always thought it to be a pretty humerous one.
So what do you really want to hear Spaw? Boobs sag, ass sags, face sags when skin loosens up,
you find yourself plucking gray hair for your underarms.
Rustic

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 02:26 PM

Peter T, you have the rights of it; and it may less be a matter of chronological age than a matter of where you are in the repeating life-cycle of diving in and then backing out, hopefully with some acquired insight from the process...

A

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Leadfingers
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 02:30 PM

When you realise that the floor is a lot further down than it used to be.

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 02:39 PM

Rustic, that is exactly what I am looking for. And although some of my first post were things that have been said, several were original and in every case, it's something that has come to me within the past 6 months like a ton of bricks.

The last one about the young girl.......When we were in Florida over Christmas, that one hit me hard. I don't know if others do, but somehow I have always seen myself, unaging at about age 23 or so. Saw this little girl at the zoo, perfectly well behaved and very nice kid with her family. She was very attractive and all I could think was "Geeziz, I'll bet her parents worry themselves sick over her." At the same time I realized that I was NOT in fact 23 anymore and my attitudes had changed, although I have no idea when it happened.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: bill\sables
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 02:43 PM

I find these days while watching adverts on TV for someones greatest hits that I have never heard of the singer in the first place and in quiz shows I can never answer the "Music" questions. But the most recent thing was a TV show with people impersonating other famous people, I couldn't tell weather they were good or not as I didn't know the famous person they were trying to do

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 03:00 PM

The whole panoply of famous icons I once related to mentally is completely obsolete. There are two generations of completely regenerated and reinvented personalities. I still think of Katherine Hepburn, Spencer Tracy, the Duke and Dirty Harry as movie stars. (My DNA has also forced me to make room for that beautiful wide-smiling Julia Roberts, but...). The people who are being cast up on the media driven celestial map of "stardom" these days are complete strangers to me. Music, fashion, politics, even literature with a few exceptions, might as well be from another planet. I still think proudly of Roy Campanella, Yogi Berra, ROger Maris and Mickey Mantle, for crissakes! LOL!!

I am gradually coming to terms with then otion that I am just hopeless as far as the mainstream goes, and it no longer bothers me, because I honestly don't think of the mian stream as very main, and possibly no more astream than Disneyland's Amazon Boat Excursion is!! :>)

Speaking of which, anybody heard from Annette Funicello?? LOL!!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: mg
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 03:08 PM

I can tell you haven't kept up with Annette Funicello. She has very serious multiple sclerosis (or MD)..and is in a wheelchair and very incapacitated. She did have a doll or teddy bear or some sort of business for home shopping I think. She is still very beautiful and in fact inspirational. We used to play Mousekateers and fight over who got to be Annette. I never won.

My main thing about aging is turning seriously toward voluntary simplicity. It definitely did not start out voluntary..I was forced into it kicking and screaming..but I have downsized everything...I don't own anything I can't leave behind..my clothes fit into a couple of laundry baskets..I own two permanent books and a few diet books (two permanent are Up from Slavery and Kiplings Poems). I will stay at my very modest job (in pay, complex in responsibilities) for as long as it lasts. I'll take the bus maybe forever. Someday soon I would like to just sit on a rocking chair on a porch and people could bring me their babies to rock..not change, not chase after, just rock..and I would feed them too.

mg

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 03:10 PM

Geez, you guys are depressing! I don't plan to grow old, it's simply not on my list of things to do.

Annette Funicello has the advanced stages of mulitiple schlerosis and has been wheelchair bound for years.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 03:12 PM

I've been finding it a big relief looking at pretty young girls lately and NOT feeling like I was still 25. It's a load off my mind, I can tell you.

Peter T. - Good stuff!!!

I think another way to tell you are aging is to look at a recent picture of William Shatner, preferably clad in a thong-type bathing suit, and think...Gosh! Bill's getting kind of...old! He's a little overweight too. Sort of flabby around the butt. When did that happen??? Where has the time gone? What does this MEAN????!!

Then you go to the mirror to check yourself for similar signs...

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 03:17 PM

Not only have you dislocated your icons, LH, but I think you are confused about where your mind is!! LOL!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: mg
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 03:17 PM

you know..I just reread this and realized I could do this right now. I have taken the classes for foster parenting..I can't take in kids right now..maybe later..but I did sign up for respite care for other foster parents. Something happened to my application and it is in limbo somewhere...without a car I can't go to someone's house, with buses the way they are here...but they could at least bring young babies to me...at least on the weekends...with the heater the way it is I couldn't have toddlers but maybe very young babies..I shall check into it. I could take them to the ocean on nice days. Sounds like a plan.

mg

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: MMario
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 03:18 PM

EEEEYYYYUUUUOOOOOO! LH!

I'm gonna have nightmares for a freekin' week!

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 03:18 PM

ANNETTE is still a class act.

Always has been.......

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Bert
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 03:42 PM

When you find some sheet music from your teens - in an antique store.

When you listen to an oldies program on the radio and the songs are all AFTER your time.

When you realise that your favorite "Do Who" actors are all dead.

I still like looking at the young girls though. And one of the advantages of getting older is that there are lots more girls who are younger than you.

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: C-flat
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 04:04 PM

When you start checking the obituary page to make sure you're not in!

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 04:48 PM

My 85-year-old uncle says that the nice thing about getting older is that so many more girls/women look good to him!

(Spaw, forget about looking at those "hard bodies" on the beach.)

Mary (who is older than Spaw)

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Deckman
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 04:55 PM

My aging clue is when I start to avoid threads such as this! CHEERS, Bob

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 05:03 PM

I meant to say- "plucking gray hairs from my underarms!"
Add to my list forgetting how to spell, or just plain forgetting.
I'm sure I have said this before, that I belong to the C.R.A.F.T. club, (can't remember a fucking thing) but I can't remember.
Peace, Rustic

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Homeless
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 05:40 PM

When you see a hot young girl dressed to the nines with her okay-looking mother, and decide you prefer the mother.

When you go to shoot pictures of a college frat house, and when walking around the corner surprise a couple of frat boys there who were saying, "...and then we got stoned." Then as they see you they try to cover with "Yeah, those stonings are pretty bad, aren't they?" (Jeez, I ain't that old yet. And I lived in the generation that caused the "war on drugs").

My boss says, "When the high point of your day is taking out your teeth."

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 05:49 PM

It's not the grey hairs in your underarms that matter........

Asking a colleague about an event you remember well from your 20's only to have another colleague tell you that's the year they were born.....

Having to explain the plots of films like Basic Instinct, The Great Escape, The Italian Job and Fatal Attraction to the same colleague!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 06:20 PM

I just had this in my mail, thought it fit the thread;

Older Than Dirt Quiz
Count all the ones that you remember- not the ones you were
told about!
Ratings at the bottom.

1. Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes

4. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottles
5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11.Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive-6633)
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S&H Green Stamps
16. Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulb
20. Packards
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers


If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young
If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older
If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age
If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt!

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: maire-aine
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 06:22 PM

This is only slightly related, but so cute. There is a wonderful, sweet older gentleman (70s at least) that I know, and he observed the little old gents used to get hugs and kisses from pretty young girls because they were thought to be 'harmless'. Since the advent of Viagra, he said, the pretty young girls don't hug the little old gents any more. That's kind of sad, in a way.

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 06:35 PM

RR,

I remember every one of them, and I am not older than dirt. I have irrefutable proof of this, because I also remember lots of dirt, which always much older than I was.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Bill D
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 06:47 PM

old age is when you can't take 'yes' for an answer.

I am a bit worried...I think I may have....ummm.....Whatzisname's disease.

"Just because there's snow on the roof, it doesn't mean the fire's out in the hearth"

Isn't is interesting how often "Mature Wisdom" resembles "Too Tired"?

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Bill D
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 06:53 PM

"Once a king, always a king- but once a knight's enough."

"I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was"


(seriously...the only thing that convinced me I had to take 'age' seriously was: 1st, when the AARP started chasing me, and 2nd, when the government started sending me money for lasting this long!)

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 07:19 PM

I scored 20! Yeee-hah!!! I'm older than dirt! (Either that or I've got a very good memory...) Still, I know people who are considerably older than me. Where do they fit in?

Here are some more things to add to the list:

26. Burma-Shave
27. Wind-up metal toy animals that shoot sparks from their mouths
28. Cap guns
29. Red Ryder rifles
30. Alleys & marbles that each look unique
31. Flash Gordon, Buck Rogers, and Ming the Merciless
32. Shaving brushes & soap in a wooden bowl with a lid
33. Steam engines
34. Model T Fords
35. Duesenbergs
36. Cords (the automobiles, I mean)
37. The Super G Constellation (beautiful airliner)
38. Sputnik
39. Checkers (the dog)
40. Bonzo (the chimp)
41. Felix the Cat

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Stephen L. Rich
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 07:32 PM

You're old when you realize that you have children older than your doctor.

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Cluin
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 07:41 PM

42. When service stations provided air for your tires for free.

What will disappear next? No charge for "toothpick & water"?

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 07:56 PM

I knew dirt when it was still a rock.

My first experience at the "awareness" Spaw talked about was when my daughter was 12 and we were walking through a crowd. As the crowd parted I noticed that the men were looking at her instead of me!

(Every male should have a daughter...and live to see her grow up!)

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 08:04 PM

Well, ya gotta add Rootie Kazootie and Polka-Dottie to that list, along with Cecil and Beanie, Captain Video and the Ranger, Our Gang, Froggie of the Magic Twanger, and Mister Science.

Fireballs, 10-cent DC comics (Green Lantern, Batman, and a whole array of American GI comics), green-glass Coke bottles, and Moxie!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: khandu
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 08:09 PM

I relate to none of this. You people are talking Greek to me. What's this all about? I am confused. Could somebody help me out here? Is this some kind of code? Wha? What did you say? Is there anyone here that makes some sort of sense?

That's it! No more of this prattle! I'm leaving!

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: vindelis
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 08:12 PM

The suits your grandmother used to wear, become fashionable again, - and suit you.

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: khandu
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 08:12 PM

Sorry. I must apologize. I misread the thread title. I thought it said "Top ways to tell you are a Ging". I had no idea what a Ging was, so it threw me off.

Now that I have seen my mistake, I re-read the whole tamale. Yeah, it is funny.

k

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Deckman
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 08:44 PM

HEY! Red Ryder BB GUNS were the best! Bob

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Bill D
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 09:28 PM

"42. When service stations provided air for your tires for free."

well SO far, I have never paid for air!...I know where the stations are that still have a free air hose.

(and I remember all them things from radio & early TV...and Sky King and Red Ryder and all...I used to wear two (cap) guns facing backwards and practice cross-drawing like Red Ryder did. )

and the way I knew I was growing up is when it bagan to bother me that Roy Rogers & Gene Autry, etc, had Ford station wagons, but still had gunfights and chased bad guys on horseback...

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 10:31 PM

VIAGRA...

Speakin' of which, like I work in this small town where everyone knows everyone and also everyone's business and so like this friend of mine... (Ahhh, yeah right, Bobert? Like these folks gonna belive this really ain't about you?)

Okay, so "this friend of mine" went down to the Leesburg Pharmacy to pick up his first perscription for ahhhhh, you know... Viagra. Well, Saturday afternoon is that time when just aboutm everyone who lives in Leesburg is at the pharmacy pickin' up their perscriptions...

Doc Lillis had called it in and so everything was supposed to go real smooth. Right? Well, when my "friend" got there on a busy Saturday afternoon, the perscription was not in the "F" bin for "friend" so the 17 year old girl with the tight sweater asked my "friend" what the perscription was for. Hmmmmmm? What's a "friend" to do?

Viagra, "friend" whispered to the tight sweatered 17 year old girl... Bad idea, "friend"!

"Hey, "friend" is here to pick up his Viagra perscription!" yelled the 17 year old tight sweatered girl to the pharmacist loud enough for it to be heard by the 30 folks waiting on their perscriptions.

Then there was this big *hush*. You know the kind....

Then everyone just looked down at the floor like they didn't hear a danged thing...

Yeah right!?!?!...

Danged, if I see that girl on the street... opps. I mean, if my friend sees that girl on the street he'll....

Bobert

p.s. My "friend's" wife says that what ever embarassment that my "friend" went thru was well worth it.................

Subject: RE: BS: Top Ways To Tell You Are AGING!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 10 Jan 03 - 10:40 PM

WARNING, WARNING:

Bobert was abducted by aliens and did not write the previous post. Nope, must have been an alien. Danged aliens. Getting into everything. Worser than mice...

Awww, never-the-heck-mind...

NaNuu, NaNuu