BS: Fools In The Real World

Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Donuel
Date: 09 Oct 08 - 10:02 AM

The Treasury Secretary and SEC chairmen were found dead outside their homes early today.

Identical notes were found near each scene saying only :
This burglar was found breaking into my home and stealing money.

Thousands of similar notes saying 'This burglar will be found breaking into my home and stealing money'
All the notes found outside the mansions and private Country Clubs of CEO's, CFO's, World Bank and high ranking administration officials.
For CNN this Daniel Myers

Ralph opened his eyes and regretted leaving the TV on all night again. This time it was only the local news channel reporting the leading bleeding stories of the morning.

Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 27 Oct 09 - 05:51 PM

http://au.news.yahoo.com/a/-/odd/6395748/man-tries-to-rob-bank-with-a-spoon/

Man tries to rob bank with a spoon

Reuters
October 28, 2009, 1:41 am

WARSAW (Reuters) - A would-be bank robber held a teaspoon to the neck of a cashier pretending it was a knife, a Polish news website said Tuesday.

But Gazeta.pl said the two women behind the counter at the bank in the southern Polish city of Lublin Monday were not fooled, and scared the man away with their screaming.

Police have compiled a photo-fit of the suspect.

(Reporting by Kuba Jaworowski)

Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 26 Feb 10 - 07:36 PM

http://salem-news.com/articles/january242010/big_dick.php

Saudis Reject Pakistani Diplomat Whose Name Translates to 'Biggest Dick'

Tim King Salem-News.com
Jan-24-2010
In Saudi Arabia, size does count.
Pakistan High Commissioner Akbar Zeb

(SALEM, Ore.) - A high level Pakistani diplomat has been rejected as Ambassador of Saudi Arabia because his name, Akbar Zeb, equates to "Biggest Dick" in Arabic. Saudi officials, apparently overwhelmed by the idea of the name, put their foot down and gave the idea of his being posted there, the kibosh.

Akbar Zeb is no newcomer to politics, in fact you could say he's a pretty big deal. This long-ranging high level diplomat has worked with some of the largest members of world governments, players charged with negotiating the outcome of the world's current events.

He most recently served as High Commissioner Designate of Pakistan to Canada, and prior to that he was the ambassador of Pakistan to South Africa,. He also served in that capacity in Washington from 1983-87, and New Delhi from 1994-2000.

He earlier worked at the Pakistan headquarters as section officer from 1982- 83, director from 1987-94 and director-general from 2000-2003.

Miangul Akbar Zeb, also whose name news agencies sometimes refer to as Zib, was born on 15 February, 1954. He holds a Masters degree.

Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 23 Mar 10 - 12:52 AM

Lion Mutilates 42 Midgets in Cambodian Ring-Fight
http://www.fmft.net/archives/BBC_NEWS.htm
        
Last Updated: Monday, 2 May, 2005, 07:46 GMT 08:46 UK

Spectators cheered as entire Cambodian Midget Fighting League squared off against African Lion

Tickets had been sold-out three weeks before the much anticipated fight, which took place in the city of Kâmpóng Chhnãng.

The fight was slated when an angry fan contested Yang Sihamoni, President of the CMFL, claiming that one lion could defeat his entire league of 42 fighters.

Sihamoni takes great pride in the league he helped create, as was conveyed in his recent advertising campaign for the CMFL that stated his midgets will "... take on anything; man, beast, or machine."

This campaign is believed to be what sparked the undisclosed fan to challenge the entire league to fight a lion; a challenge that Sihamoni readily accepted.

An African Lion (Panthera Leo) was shipped to centrally located Kâmpóng Chhnãng especially for the event, which took place last Saturday, April 30, 2005 in the city's coliseum.

The Cambodian Government allowed the fight to take place, under the condition that they receive a 50% commission on each ticket sold, and that no cameras would be allowed in the arena.

The fight was called in only 12 minutes, after which 28 fighters were declared dead, while the other 14 suffered severe injuries including broken bones and lost limbs, rendering them unable to fight back.

Sihamoni was quoted before the fight stating that he felt since his fighters out-numbered the lion 42 to 1, that they "… could out-wit and out-muscle [it]."

Unfortunately, he was wrong.

Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 29 Mar 10 - 01:03 AM

How to interpret data

After digging to a depth of three metres last year, Melbourne scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than a century ago.

A Sydney archaeologist dug to six metres, finding traces of 130 year old copper wire and concluded that NSW already had an advanced high-tech network 30 years earlier than Victorians.

One week later, the SA Minister for Information issued a media statement:

"After digging as deep as 10 metres in pasture near Tanunda, we have found absolutely nothing. This proves that 150 years ago, South Australia had already gone wireless."

Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Charley Noble
Date: 29 Mar 10 - 11:41 AM

Fascinating as usual!

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: gnu
Date: 29 Mar 10 - 02:23 PM

Hahahaa... great stuff!

Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 12:55 AM

The Fawlty Towers of Aussie Service Stations.
or
A brief Handbook on Customer Disservice.

Dear BP Australia

About 5:30pm Sunday 11 April 2010, I made the regrettable error of stopping at your establishment at Kilcoy, instead of going to the Hotel up the road for an evening meal - petrol or alcohol was not needed. Foolishly, I ignored that fact that there were already about a dozen cars parked in the Service Station and across the road, with many people clearly waiting for something - perhaps food as it appears.

When I entered, I noticed that the chip tray in the Bain Marie was empty (I should have anticipated bad management, having already noticed the large queue, but I was tired). I quickly read the entire Menu Board, asked my Aspergers god-child what she wanted - sorted that hassle out, and asked "can I have a large box of chips please?" (I had already noted the prices). I was waved towards a stack of priced empty boxes including one more size than on the menu board! My selection was not influenced, as I did want the extra large. After sorting out that I didn't want that foul tasting 'Chicken Salt', just a very light amount (you ALWAYS have to say that in advance, or you get shovels full of salt) of normal salt. In McDonald's, the staff would by NOW have politely advised me that there would be a significant delay of about 15 minutes as they already had a large backlog of chip orders. In that case I would probably have selected at least 3 small cartons of Potato Gems already sitting ready - more expensive volume wise, but at least I would have wasted less time.

"The Customer is always Right"

I added several ready cooked items to my order for the 3 people in the car. I heard a later customer to my right ask 'could he have a Chiko Roll' - "Nuh" without any checking - the guy started to say, "OK forget it", but the deep fryer cook at the back of the room overheard this and yelled, "I got some Chiko Rolls about to come out" - so he said, "OK I'll wait for one of those".

"The Customer is always Right"

There was a large sign at the food register - 'Cash Only'. When I eventually return to Brisbane, my occasional ex-drinking buddies in the Tax Investigations Section will doubtless have a good laugh at the whole story too. I wasn't in the Public Service nearly 30 years before retiring for nothing.

The ready cooked items were bagged, and I paid for the lot in cash - I can't seem to find my receipt. As an ex-Public Servant who normally never throws ANY Documentation away, I am surprised, but being tired at the time, and stopping for a 'fatigue break' as per Government TV Ads, I am now not sure whether I even got one or not.

"The Customer is always Right - most especially when they are Wrong!"

After waiting for a long time, during which I learned that one of the young looking staff was 'Rachel', from her conversation with someone who knew her, I decided to use the toilet. I have seen cleaner and nicer, but it was acceptable. Upon return, there was a coffee waiting - I asked "Is this mine" and received it. I then asked more than once 'what about the chips?' and was ignored in good traditional Basil Fawlty fashion. There was a small carton of what looked like 'Chicken Chippies' or similar on the counter. A box of chips was being prepared - I asked 'are those mine' and was again ignored. Then THIS BOX of chips was lifted OVER the Chicken Chippies, and placed on the front edge of the counter right in front of me. There was a woman standing to the left of me with nothing on the counter in front of her. I asked again 'are these mine?' and again Basil Fawlty ruled. I then picked up the box and left.

The original plan was just to 'grab and go', but what with trying to get the child and the brainless lab pup and the food loaded into the car, I eventually decided we would eat at the nearby table. I was just starting to open the chips and noticing gravy that I had not ordered, and thought "oh, how nice, they give free gravy!" It is a pity we didn't drive off immediately, as then I would have for years been singing the praises of an overworked little food shop who did nice things for their customers anyway, and encouraging all my friends to use there.

Basil Fawlty's Daughter then stalked up to us, thundercloud on her brow, and loudly publicly berated me 'for taking the wrong order'!!!! After all that Classic Basil Fawlty rudeness that would have got her 'retrained' or possibly even just 'let go' from Maccas! I asked 'did she want the box back', and she said 'no, that it had ALREADY been sorted out'! So I asked what was her problem, and things rapidly deteriorated into a shouting match in front of everybody - I was tired and possibly cranky, I admit! I then told her in a very quiet, very polite voice to depart from my sight.

"The Customer is always Right - most especially when they are Wrong!"

She then started loudly ranting on about how I should show better manners "The Next Time!" Haha! FROM BASIL FAWLTY'S DAUGHTER! Hahaha! SHE fucked up, SHE got in the shit, and SHE came looking for a lower ranked dog to kick! I sent her away with a flea in her ear, I can tell you!

"The Customer is always Right - most especially when they are Wrong!"

My friend, by this stage, could take it no more - she said "WHAT NEXT TIME!!!!!!! - We won't be back, and neither will our friends when we tell them".

Doubtless I will dine out on this story for years among the many friends I know in the Food Industry, Chefs, TAFE Food lecturers, etc. I have done a bit of large scale catering in open fields over open fires myself, but that's another story. And in these days of the Net, someone like me who worked as a Computer Sys Admin knows how to get laughs from a lot of others world wide too.

By the way, all the food was cold and tasteless when we finally ate it, anyway.

So don't Go There! Look for a Maccas or go to the Pub up the road!

I wasted over half an hour of my life, why should you?

:-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh and btw, from your BP website:
"We save cookies on to your computer to enable our site to personalise your future visits."

Oh no you don't - not with THIS little long term Computer Sys Admin black duck!

And as a writer, I retain Authorship Copyright on this story- I refuse to assign it to you!

Errors while trying to contact you:

Error
QUOTE
Specific information regarding your query so that the appropriate response is provided should be less than 2000 characters.
UNQUOTE

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Haha! My complaint is too big for them to handle!

Robin

Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 01:00 AM

... and I thought I was being original...
http://www.google.com.au/search?hl=en&q=bp+kilcoy+%22Fawlty+Towers%22

Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 02:47 AM

USPS Financial Woes Caused by Letters to God
Written by The Sarcasmist on April 9, 2010
http://blog.sarcasmsociety.com/society/usps-financial-woes-caused-by-letters-to-god.html

The United States Post Office is asking US citizens to stop sending letters to God. The amount of work that the handling of such letters is creating is resulting in a huge deficit in efficiency.

    "We understand that need for people to communicate with their maker; however, in light of the severe economic stress that the entire country is under, we are asking everyone to refrain from sending letters to God. We are unable to deliver them anyway, as our trucks are not allowed into Heaven." pleaded the Postmaster General.

The USPS hopes that its plea will not go unheard by the citizens, and just to be safe it has FedExed a letter to God asking him to stop the deluge of letters addressed to him.

Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 11:52 AM

"Fools in a fantasy world" is more like it.

Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 09:11 PM

I'm not making this up, honest!

A Chinese coal carrier ran aground on the Barrier Reef - it was way of course, and the crew is in custody possibly facing criminal charges. There was a large oil spill which is being cleaned up. This morning the ship was freed by Tugs. The news had a salvage representative saying "It's off the reef, but we're not out of the trees yet"

I nearly choked laughing....

!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Mental Image: Cartoon Style

Ok boys. Let's get this ship off the reef!

Tug! Pull! Heave!

Pop! Fling!
(Ship goes flying thru the air, landing inland...)

How's it going?

We're not out of the trees yet....

Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 14 Feb 11 - 06:46 PM

Ram-raider bursts into condom shop

Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 15 Feb 11 - 01:07 AM

good one

Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 24 Apr 11 - 12:18 AM

Free-for-all after Pak n Save supermarket opens by itself in Hamilton, New Zealand

Nobody told the Computer it was Good Friday - a public holiday ...

Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 24 Apr 11 - 10:58 PM

Prince Charles to become Bigamist!

Countdown to royal fairytale

25th April 2011

THIS Friday night, a modern-day fairytale will unfold when Prince William and Kate Middleton take the plunge at Westminster Abbey.

The Chronicle will this Thursday publish the special, eight-page Royal Wedding lift-out which will trace the romance of the Prince of Wales and the high-profile fashionista.

The lift out will be the ideal way to officially kick-start the countdown to the year's most anticipated wedding.

Get it with your copy of The Chronicle this Thursday.

~~~~~~~
:-)

Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 25 Apr 11 - 05:18 PM

To find any old fool you need not go much further than here I suppose, but to find a genuine one try one of my favourite places, http://www.muncaster.co.uk/castle , Where Tom Skelton aka Tom Fool played jokes that cost a few unwary travellers their lives!

MP

Subject: RE: BS: Fools In The Real World
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 25 Apr 11 - 07:14 PM

Mad Polly

The Fooles Troupe has it's own website, but does acknowledge appropriate acts by other Fools in the Real World. We even awarded to an anon guest here the Order of The T.W.I.T*** recently.













T.W.I.T.*** - Total Wanker In Training.