BS: UK Jest thread for 2026

Subject: RE: BS: UK Jest thread for 2026
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 08 Jul 26 - 07:29 PM

Change hands!

Assuming that this was a response to my post, DtG, it hasn't really made things any clearer.

DC

Subject: RE: BS: UK Jest thread for 2026
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 09 Jul 26 - 08:22 AM

No, sorry Doug, I was being guilty of what I accuse Mr Red of - Using vague references. It is an old (forces I think) comment on masturbation :-O The post before mine was 99 so I used half the comment "99, change hands"

I am as baffled by Mr R's posting as you.

Subject: RE: BS: UK Jest thread for 2026
From: gillymor
Date: 09 Jul 26 - 08:56 AM

It's easier to confuse than amuse.

Subject: RE: BS: UK Jest thread for 2026
From: Donuel
Date: 10 Jul 26 - 09:40 AM

King Charles III: During a White House State Dinner in April 2026, King Charles poked fun at the construction plans. He quipped: "On this occasion, I cannot help noticing the readjustments to the east wing, Mr. President," before adding a historical jab: "I'm sorry to say that we British, of course, made our own small attempt at real estate redevelopment of the White House in 1814" (referencing the burning of the White House during the War of 1812).

Subject: RE: BS: UK Jest thread for 2026
From: MaJoC the Filk
Date: 14 Jul 26 - 10:06 AM

Stolen from ElReg comments:

A man visits the showhome for the latest and greatest Smart Home, equipped with voice control and robotic assistance.

The salesman boasts that this house will do anything - Anything that you ask for via voice command. "Try it out!" he suggests...

So the man asks: "Make me some dinner!" And the house whirrs into action and some robotic arms begin cooking up a meal.

"Make the bed!" And the bed flips over and is immediately furnished with new plump pillows and bedding.

Close the curtains! Play some music! Everything he asked for was instantly catered for by the smart house.

And the man looked about in amazement at this marvel of technology, and said: "Well... Bugger me..."

Subject: RE: BS: UK Jest thread for 2026
From: MaJoC the Filk
Date: 22 Jul 26 - 12:59 PM

Stolen from I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue's Uxbridge English Dictionary:

Shuttlecock: Air Force One.

Subject: RE: BS: UK Jest thread for 2026
From: gillymor
Date: 22 Jul 26 - 03:49 PM

Fly #1 and fly #2 are sitting atop a fresh pile of dung. #1 breaks wind and #2 says "c'mon man, not while I'm eating."

Subject: RE: BS: UK Jest thread for 2026
From: The Sandman
Date: 27 Jul 26 - 03:59 PM

Any Kerryman jokes ?

Subject: RE: BS: UK Jest thread for 2026
From: The Sandman
Date: 27 Jul 26 - 04:31 PM

The Pub Roof: How do you get a Kerryman to climb onto the roof of a pub? Tell him the drinks are on the house!

Subject: RE: BS: UK Jest thread for 2026
From: Mr Red
Date: 30 Jul 26 - 11:08 AM

"D-K E" Dunning-Kruger Effect. It is described by Dr David Dunning as: when someone is trying to be knowledgable beyond their core competence. As he says, nobody is immune. Or as Stephen Fry says, in his usual QI imprecision: "people who are too stupid to realise they are being stupid". "Understanding" the effect doesn't stop you, but it does make those who understand think a little harder.

And on a public forum, jokes are broadcast for "anyone", not "everyone". Not that D-K E recognises that. eg this one from David Sedaris on his BBC programme:

A policeman stops a car with two priests in it and say "Sir, we are looking for a child molester"
The priests look at each other and after a silence say "We'll do it"

Subject: RE: BS: UK Jest thread for 2026
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 30 Jul 26 - 12:23 PM

But what if people expressing an understanding of the Dunning-Kruger Effect are, in fact, suffering from the Dunning-Kruger Effect themselves?

DC

Subject: RE: BS: UK Jest thread for 2026
From: MaJoC the Filk
Date: 31 Jul 26 - 10:04 AM

Guilty as charged, m'Lud: failure to resist the lure of the open mouth. Who was it said, "It is better to keep silence, and be thought a fool, than to speak up and remove all doubt"?

Subject: RE: BS: UK Jest thread for 2026
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 01 Aug 26 - 05:35 AM

I am quite happy to admit that I know nowt about psychology and very little about many other things but I do know what makes me laugh!

Man walks into a bar and says "Ouch"

It was an iron bar

Subject: RE: BS: UK Jest thread for 2026
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 03 Aug 26 - 10:02 AM

They found our local ice cream man dead, covered in raspberry sauce and chocolate sprinkles. They reckoned he topped himself

Subject: RE: BS: UK Jest thread for 2026
From: MaJoC the Filk
Date: 04 Aug 26 - 01:43 PM

Stolen from ElReg comments:

"I'm presently on a "contract" where I get paid by 9kWh lithium batteries falling off the back of a lorry."

"How much do you charge?

"9kW per hour, obviously!"

Subject: RE: BS: UK Jest thread for 2026
From: Rain Dog
Date: 04 Aug 26 - 02:05 PM

"Man walks into a bar and says "Ouch"

It was an iron bar"

That made me smile, especially after reading your post on the 12th May.

Subject: RE: BS: UK Jest thread for 2026
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 04 Aug 26 - 02:25 PM

They found a mummy in Egypt who seemed to be covered in chocolate and nuts...They think he might be Pharoah Rocher

Subject: RE: BS: UK Jest thread for 2026
From: MaJoC the Filk
Date: 05 Aug 26 - 10:58 AM

Pratchett's Law of Marriage: A marriage consists of two people, each of whom knows that it's the other one who snores.

Subject: RE: BS: UK Jest thread for 2026
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 05 Aug 26 - 12:19 PM

I know I don't snore. I stayed awake all night to listen and I didn't snore once.

DC

Subject: RE: BS: UK Jest thread for 2026
From: MaJoC the Filk
Date: 05 Aug 26 - 12:32 PM

Actually, Doug, I distinctly remember snoring so loud once that I woke myself up. Herself will attest to the event.

Meanwhile, what I came back here to say:

I'm sorry, Sir, but your number has a complex: it can't tell what's real and what's imaginary.

Subject: RE: BS: UK Jest thread for 2026
From: MudGuard
Date: 05 Aug 26 - 03:10 PM

I do not snore:

Proof:

I can't sleep if someone in the same room as myself is snoring.
I can sleep. I am in the same room as myself.
Therefore, I am not snoring ...

QED ...