BS: Shatner....fights Confederates

Subject: BS: Shatner....fights Confederates
From: Shanghaiceltic
Date: 20 Apr 05 - 08:07 PM

Shatner phasar runs out of battery.......


A battle outside the box


The idea's so outside the box it's hard to believe anyone thought of it.

But thinking "outside the box" is what the local civic club "Outside The Box" does, and that's what members did when they thought about this weekend's re-enactments of the 1865 Battle of Columbus at the Port Columbus National Civil War Naval Museum, online at www.portcolumbus.org.

"We thought about how meticulous those Civil War re-enactors are about having historically accurate uniforms and equipment," says OTB President Hugh Lessjo. "Then we thought, 'Who else is so obsessive about having the right props and costumes?' "

The answer: Star Trek fans.

"We have Star Trek fan clubs in our area, and Sunday's battle re-enactment already includes a 'what-if' scenario featuring a Confederate counterattack," says Lessjo. "So we started thinking outside the box, and we thought, 'Why not have Trekkies join the battle?' They already have the equipment."

OTBs, or "Outside The Boxers," as they call themselves, are unconventional thinkers who believe "there are no stupid ideas," Lessjo says. "We really just wanted to know what would happen if Civil War soldiers fought the crew from 'Star Trek.' You never see that in the movies or TV reruns."

So the OTBs asked battle organizers: Why not attract a wider audience by staging a second "what-if" battle sequence in which a starship crew joins the conflict?

Unwilling to openly ridicule the idea, organizers set up a meeting for Lessjo, Confederate re-enactors and a local Star Trek club -- the latter two in full regalia.

Then the trouble began.

First the Confederates said they wouldn't associate with "Trekkies," and the Star Trek fans said they preferred "Trekkers." The Confederates all laughed, and "that right there got things off on the wrong foot," Lessjo says.

Other missteps followed.

"One of the Trekkers said Starfleet's prime directive wouldn't let the crew introduce superior technology to a primitive culture," Lessjo says. "Then a rebel yelled, 'Don't call us primitive, geek!' And the Trekker said Starfleet wouldn't defend a society based on slavery, either."

That riled the Confederates, provoking one to shout: "Y'all just go fight for the Yankees then! You're all living in a fantasy world anyway!"

"Yeah, like you're not!" a Trekker retorted.

Both sides abruptly drew their weapons, and Lessjo ducked under a table as the firing commenced, he says. He did not crawl back out until the smoke cleared, and by then the Trekkers had withdrawn from the field.

"It turns out replica Civil War guns use real gunpowder, whereas 'Star Trek' phasers have only a battery-powered bulb that lights up," says Lessjo. "You don't go up against a guy with a firearm if all you've got is a flashlight."

So thinking outside the box yielded an unexpected answer to OTB's hypothetical question: "We proved Civil War soldiers would win a battle against the crew from 'Star Trek,' " Lessjo says, chuckling. "You never would have figured that, would you?"


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Subject: RE: BS: Shatner....fights Confederates
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 20 Apr 05 - 08:14 PM

oh.

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner....fights Confederates
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Apr 05 - 08:22 PM

Fascinating.

My feeling is that if Shatner had been there, the fight would have gone the other way...or else he would have just said, "Prime Directive? What Prime Directive? Pour me a mint julip...Scarlett...and let's go whip those damn Yankees!"

Pity he was not there. Washington would have fallen immediately after Bull Run and the South would have won its independence.

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner....fights Confederates
From: GUEST
Date: 21 Apr 05 - 06:49 AM

I can only assume that their phasers were set on stunned.

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner....fights Confederates
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Apr 05 - 04:49 PM

When they should have been set on "shake and bake"...or "shatnerize"...

Then there's "emasculate". That is a phaser setting that really commands respect.

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner....fights Confederates
From: Kaleea
Date: 21 Apr 05 - 07:46 PM

Since when did Cpt. Kirk need a phaser? Wagon train to the stars--remember? When it came time for the big fight scene, it was fisticuffs for the maximum drama--he simply kicked the weapon out of the hand/paw/whatever of the alien of the week. You also evidently forgot about the Klingon factor. They don't need no stinking phasers. They have Batleths. I can assure you that a Batleth can killeth confederateths. One local Martial Arts Master & self admitted "Trekkie" has used his full-size Batleth in many demonstrations to kill large melons, 2 x 4s & other such enemies. He does admittedly have to re-sharpen his Batleth after killing cement blocks.

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner....fights Confederates
From: Mrrzy
Date: 21 Apr 05 - 08:39 PM

Ah, but Kirk could MAKE gunpowder!

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner....fights Confederates
From: Davetnova
Date: 22 Apr 05 - 03:22 PM

Kirk's a wimp and a derivative one with a bad haircut (see other thread).

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner....fights Confederates
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Apr 05 - 07:01 PM

Ha! Spoken by a deeply envious individual who needs therapy in the worst way!

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner....fights Confederates
From: Boab
Date: 23 Apr 05 - 03:59 AM

---a better haircut than Jean-luc Picard------

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner....fights Confederates
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Aug 05 - 02:14 AM

I don't get it....one was 150 years in the past....and the other is....

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner....fights Confederates
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Aug 05 - 10:23 AM

Shatner is timeless.

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner....fights Confederates
From: MMario
Date: 12 Aug 05 - 10:31 AM

The Enterprise has visited the past several times - that we know of.

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner....fights Confederates
From: Kaleea
Date: 13 Aug 05 - 03:50 AM

The boys may not have been in the civil war, but they did fight the immortal gunfight in the OK corral. And gangsters. And the nazis. And . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Shatner....fights Confederates
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Aug 05 - 03:54 AM

No wonder the Germans lost the war, eh? ;-)