BS: Old sayings with a twist

Subject: BS: Old sayings with a twist
From: GUEST,jimlad
Date: 21 Jan 03 - 11:42 AM

During the East/West Cold War in 1959 a KGB spy was being prepared for a mission to the Nuclear Plant at Dounreay in the far north of Scotland to gain the secrets of nuclear re-processing.On the day before his start date he was called into the office of his superior Colonel Ivan Offalitch.The colonel wished him good luck and said that if his mission was successful he would get a Trabant by 2009.The KGB spy asked his boss for any advice in the event of him meeting a Scot. The Colonel replied "Religion,any Scot will do anything for someone of the same religious persuasion as himself"

48 hours later he finds himself 40 miles from Dounreay having been blown a little off course.In a Desolate area(well most of Scotland is a desolate area innit?)he spied a small cottage about a mile away.He approached and knocked on the door. A huge Jocko appeared."Hallo Comrade" said our mate "what is your religion". "Weel noo you ask,I'm a Homosexual". "Great" said our lad "So am I"

This just goes to show the truth in that Old saying

"A Red Spy at Night is a Shepherds Delight"

Subject: RE: BS: Old sayings with a twist
From: gnu
Date: 21 Jan 03 - 07:25 PM

Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man wonder who won the game.

Subject: RE: BS: Old sayings with a twist
From: Cluin
Date: 21 Jan 03 - 07:29 PM

Confucious say: Man going though turnstile with eyes closed going to Bangkok.

Subject: RE: BS: Old sayings with a twist
From: Mr Happy
Date: 21 Jan 03 - 07:31 PM

och, nae lad, a canna dae the twist- wha' wi' ma knees!

Subject: RE: BS: Old sayings with a twist
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 21 Jan 03 - 07:39 PM

Confucious he say:
Man taking woman into field has peace on earth
Man who go out with flat chested woman has reason for feeling down.
Man with hole in trouser pocket feel 'cocky' all day.
Man with hole in both trouser pocket, he not feel too cocky

Nigel

Subject: RE: BS: Old sayings with a twist
From: Neighmond
Date: 21 Jan 03 - 08:30 PM

Confucious say man who pass gas in chrch set all alone in own pew.

Subject: RE: BS: Old sayings with a twist
From: jimlad
Date: 21 Jan 03 - 08:46 PM

Confucious say Lady Aviator flyimg upside down will have crack-up

Subject: RE: BS: Old sayings with a twist
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 21 Jan 03 - 10:14 PM

Old union days--
Early to bed and early to rise
Or you'll be reported by company spies.

Subject: RE: BS: Old sayings with a twist
From: Bugsy
Date: 21 Jan 03 - 10:46 PM

I've posted this before but.........


The Famous Barnum, was looking for a new act for the circus. After searching for many years he finally met an old gentleman in a bar who offered him a Gnu for $500.00.
This was the first Gnu that Barnum had ever seen and he was sure that it would be a great addition to his troupe. Barnum enquired of the gentleman as to how long the lifespan of a Gnu was and was informed that this one was 40 years old and that they only lived to an average age of 45, however the price was right so Barnum decided that he would easily recoupe his outlay within the first 6 months once he got the Gnu to perform (Jumping through hoop, Sitting up and begging, offering his front hoof to be shaken, rolling over and playing dead etc.).

The problem occured when he tried to get the Gnu to perform any of these tasks. "SIT!" Barnum would commnand. But the Gnu would just stand there with a vacant look in his eyes. "BEG!" he commanded. Still the Gnu just stood there. "ROLL OVER AND PLAY DEAD!" Shouted Barnum. Still no response from the animal.

Barnum never did get the Gnu to perform, and finally sent the animal back to the wilds to live out his days in peace.

The Moral of the Story??











"YOU CAN'T TEACH ON OLD GNU, DOG TRICKS!"


CHeers


Bugsy

Subject: RE: BS: Old sayings with a twist
From: Gurney
Date: 21 Jan 03 - 11:01 PM

Confucious he say; "Woman who sit on jockey's knee, get hot tip!
Confucious he say; "Woman who sit on judge's knee, get honourable discharge!
Confucious he say; "Woman who cooks greens and peas in same pot, dirty bitch!

Subject: RE: BS: Old sayings with a twist
From: MikeOQuinn
Date: 21 Jan 03 - 11:21 PM

Confucious say: Man who stick stiffy in jar of peanut butter f**king nuts!

Subject: RE: BS: Old sayings with a twist
From: graywolf1980
Date: 22 Jan 03 - 12:32 AM

I know it's a little ugly, but here goes. I live with my grandmother, and I've heard some wild sayings, but there's one that just keeps sticking out in my mind: He/She "can kiss my ass, plumb up to where it's red like cedar."

Subject: RE: BS: Old sayings with a twist
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 22 Jan 03 - 10:01 AM

Jack be quick, Jack be nimble
Jack jump over a phallic symbol

Subject: RE: BS: Old sayings with a twist
From: Cluin
Date: 22 Jan 03 - 10:09 AM

A couple my Uncle Nelson used to say:

"It's enough to give a dog's arse heartburn!"

"Don't tear `er! I'll take the whole yard!" (said when someone farted loudly)

Subject: RE: BS: Old sayings with a twist
From: Redbeard
Date: 22 Jan 03 - 10:49 PM

In the second Austin Powers movie when Fat Bastard sees Mini Me for the first time he wants to eat him. One thing he says is, "Baby, the other white meat."

Subject: RE: BS: Old sayings with a twist
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 22 Jan 03 - 11:28 PM

Early to bed, early to rise...

And your gal...goes out with other guys.

Sincerely,

Gargoyle