BS: Late Breaking News From Logan Airport

Subject: BS: Late Breaking News From JKF Airport
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 Jan 06 - 07:01 PM

Anyone else see this one? I think they're carrying this airport security thing just a little too far!

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General, John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute
value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of
the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'there are 3 sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more
fingers and toes".


Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: Late Breaking News From Logan Airport
From: The Shambles
Date: 16 Jan 06 - 08:06 PM

They are only calling for equations for all...............

Subject: RE: BS: Late Breaking News From Logan Airport
From: Donuel
Date: 16 Jan 06 - 08:17 PM

The airport is a nexus of certain authoritarian extremes:
The author of Bush's Brain has been placed on the no fly list as a terrorist sympathiser.

Subject: RE: BS: Late Breaking News From Logan Airport
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jan 06 - 08:40 PM

Logan AIrport is nowhere near JFK airport, Lily, just to clarify -- it's in Boston!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Late Breaking News From Logan Airport
From: number 6
Date: 16 Jan 06 - 08:54 PM

3 years ago I flew into Logan from Halifax ... while going through U.S. customs I presented my Canadian Passport (containing my Saint John, New Brunswick address) ... after a few seconds in reviewing it, the Customs officer asks ..."where in in the U.S. is New Brunswick" ... to which I replied "it's a Canadian Passport, New Brunswick is a province" ... now was this guy thick as a brick, or was it some sorta inside trick question?

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: Late Breaking News From Logan Airport
From: Bert
Date: 16 Jan 06 - 08:58 PM

Wonderful Michelle!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Late Breaking News From Logan Airport
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 Jan 06 - 09:11 PM

Yeah, I know where Logan and JFK are...just a blunder on my part...sorry!!!

:) Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: Late Breaking News From Logan Airport
From: Bobert
Date: 16 Jan 06 - 09:26 PM

Well, if this guy wa the guy who was my 9th garde algebra teacher, Mr. Carpenter, they sho nuff got the right guy... Man, he'd pop quiz ya in a heartbeat and then say dumb stuff like, "This quiz is gonna be 50% of yer final grade..."

Man, he cost be alot of right decent baseball playing time doing summer school to make up fir the F that prick gave me...

Lock him up...

(But, BObert, it might not be Mr. Carpenter but another algebra teacher.... After all, Mr Carpenter is prolly 80 by now...)

Ahhhh, did they say how old this guy was, Michelle??? Is he 'bout eighty and has beedy eyes and frown???

If so, lock him up...

Hey, this is what Guantanemo is for... Heck with them folks that Bush don't like... It's fir mean algebra teachers who give too many pop quizes...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Late Breaking News From Logan Airport
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Jan 06 - 09:36 PM

Another one that's been around for ages... The first example I picked on continues from where the one given here left off:

       "I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the President said, adding: "Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line."

President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex."

       Attorney General Ashcroft added, "As our Great Leader would say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertainty of -- though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered, as the hypotenuse tightens around their necks." (Origin? "X - The Unknown")

Subject: RE: BS: Late Breaking News From Logan Airport
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Jan 06 - 09:56 PM

See also:

here

here

here

here

here

here

and MOAB

Subject: RE: BS: Late Breaking News From Logan Airport
From: GLoux
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 11:07 AM

Weapons of Math Instruction...

Subject: RE: BS: Late Breaking News From Logan Airport
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 11:22 AM

LOL....and btw...that Guest isn't me! I wish I could say that I came up with that myself but it was lifted from one of my husband's favorite sites...it was just too funny NOT to pass on!

And Bobert....was your Carpenter guy any relation to a Paul Mitchell who taught algebra? He was the worst teacher I have had in my entire life...in fact, when I entered into my very first college English class, our first assignment was to write about our worst teacher ever. I had a field day with it and my professor either liked it so much or then was afraid of me...that I was bumped up into the 300 level English courses. :) Man, that guy was AWFUL. My own mother, who was a teacher, told me not to waste my time studying for that class...to just concentrate on all my other studies!

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: Late Breaking News From Logan Airport
From: GUEST
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 07:44 PM

Geo met Ry to plan attack angles.

Subject: RE: BS: Late Breaking News From Logan Airport
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 09:38 PM

It's been nearly a year since Alberto Gonzales became Attorney General, replacing John Ashcroft. That should have been your first clue that this joke has been around for a while.

Subject: RE: BS: Late Breaking News From Logan Airport
From: GUEST
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 09:49 PM

Not to worry, LF. It's not a bad one. As for old jokes, etc. here is one I saw elsewhere the other day and laughed again but is right to one of my senses of humour...

What do you call a judge with no thumbs?

























Justice Fingers.

Subject: RE: BS: Late Breaking News From Logan Airport
From: The Shambles
Date: 18 Jan 06 - 05:27 AM

Good to see a contribution here from number 6.

Subject: RE: BS: Late Breaking News From Logan Airport
From: GUEST,petr
Date: 18 Jan 06 - 08:31 PM

thats as bad as the old lady with the knitting needles
that wasnt allowed on the plane...

they were afraid she was going to knit an Afghan.