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BS: Scotland
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Subject: Scotland From: GUEST,Just Amy Date: 25 Jun 02 - 07:35 PM Heard this from a friend this weekend. From a pub in Scotland: Scotland is not for sissies! |
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Subject: RE: Scotland From: Murray MacLeod Date: 25 Jun 02 - 07:38 PM If that is a joke, Amy, then it is missing either the punchline or the preamble. If it is not a joke, then I agree with your posting, but would hardly consider it newsworthy. Murray |
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Subject: RE: Scotland From: GUEST Date: 25 Jun 02 - 07:38 PM Very good Amy... Please don't post here again |
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Subject: RE: BS: Scotland From: Scabby Douglas Date: 26 Jun 02 - 04:34 AM If you mean that Scotland is not for the faint-hearted, then I might be tempted to agree... I would not,however, wish anyone to think that Scotland has a presdisposed cultural bias to any unusual extent against those whose lifestyle may lead them towards extravagant modes of dress or behaviour. Cheers Steven |
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Subject: RE: BS: Scotland From: GUEST,Ewan McVicar Date: 26 Jun 02 - 05:15 AM America is not for wimps. So what? The US has plenty of wimpy people. Scotland has lots of sissies. I'm a sissy myself - I don't like to punch strangers, or cheer oafs who kick or hit a ball about, I enjoy fine arts, I have made toys for children - I am anything but a man's man. More fool those who worry about who is sissy and who is not. True, people who think they and their kind define Scotland are male, arrogant about their sexuality and values, and contemptuous of those who do not see life as they do. And they wish to control who may speak to them - see posting above! Life loves us all. [What a sissy thing to say!] |
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Subject: RE: BS: Scotland From: Scabby Douglas Date: 26 Jun 02 - 07:41 AM Well said, Ewan McVicar - (You big sissy).... Cheers Steven (I never thought about it - but does disliking footy make me a sissy too?) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Scotland From: Grab Date: 26 Jun 02 - 08:36 AM Is this something about men who wear skirts? ;-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Scotland From: Mr Red Date: 26 Jun 02 - 08:52 AM the Mudcat is not for Guests with no name but they seem to creep in from somewhere. Their lexicon does rather act like a signiture though. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Scotland From: GUEST,Ewan McVicar Date: 26 Jun 02 - 10:16 AM I think wearing the skirt makes one more a jessie than a sissy. Mind you, I cannot understand the silly obsession of the non-Scot with the kilt. It's as if all male Americans had continually to explain why they did or did not wear a Puritan tunic topped with a stetson hat adorned with an eagle feather headdress. Of course, the kilt is currently mostly worn by Scots drunken 'men's men' whose idea of civilised behaviour is to display their bare bums. I have four friends who wear the kilt. Three for performance reasons, one because it is more practical when sheepgathering on the hills. My ancestors wore the kilt. Then they came to the Lowlands. I am however thinking about commissioning a pair of trews - for performance reasons. By the way, ten days ago I marched through a Russian city with two kilted pipers and six kilted Scottish Country dancers. Every one of the eight was Russian. Performance again. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Scotland From: Scabby Douglas Date: 26 Jun 02 - 11:31 AM Re: the kilt
Join a Highland regiment, my boy. The kilt is an unrivalled garment for fornication and diarrhoea - Cheers Steven Clark |
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Subject: RE: BS: Scotland From: GUEST,Teribus Date: 27 Jun 02 - 07:52 AM Just received this: DEPRESSED MAN DIAGNOSED AS "SCOTTISH" Alistair McGregor, an expatriate Scottish man living in America, was recently diagnosed as clinically depressed, tanked up on anti-depressants and scheduled for controversial Shock Therapy when doctors realized he wasn't depressed at all.............only Scottish. 'Not depressed, just Scottish' Mr. McGregor, a Scottish man whose characteristic pessimism and gloomy perspective were interpreted as serious clinical depression, was led on a nightmare journey through the American psychiatric system. Doctors described McGregor as suffering with Pervasive Negative Anticipation - a belief that everything will turn out for the worst, whether it's trains arriving late, Scotland's chances at winning any international sports event or even his own prospects to get ahead in life and achieve his dreams. "The satisfaction Mr. McGregor seemed to get from his pessimism seemed particularly pathological," reported the doctors. "They put me on everything - Lithium, Prozac, St John's Wort, Ginseng", said Mr. McGregor."They even told me to sit in front of a big light for an hour a day or I'd become suicidal. I kept telling them this was all pointless and they said that it was exactly that sort of attitude that got me here in the first place." Running out of ideas, his doctors finally resorted to a course of "weapons grade MDMA", the only noticeable effect of which was six hours of speedy repetitions of the phrases "mustn't grumble" and "not too bad, really". It was then that Mr. McGregor was referred to a psychotherapist. "Suicidal?" Dr Isaac Horney explored Mr. McGregor's family history and couldn't believe his ears. "His story of a childhood growing up in the drab back streets of a windswept gray town where it rained every day, treeless streets of identical run-down houses and passionately backing a football team who never won, seemed to be typical depressive idea! or false memory. Mr. McGregor had six months of therapy but seemed to mainly want to talk about the weather - how miserable and cold it was in winter and later how difficult and wet it was in summer. I felt he wasn't responding to therapy at all and so I recommended drastic action - namely ECT or shock treatment". "I was all strapped down on the table and they were about to put the rubber bit in my mouth when the psychiatric nurse picked up on my accent," said Mr. McGregor. "I remember her saying 'Oh my God, I think >we're making a terrible mistake'." Nurse Alice Sheen was a big fan of Scottish comedy giving her an understanding of the Scottish psyche. "Classic comedy characters like Chick Murray, Will Fife and The Crankies, all hopeless cases with No chance of ever doing well or escaping their circumstances," she explained to the baffled US medics. "In Scotland, being depressed to the point of suicidal is considered the norm and is not seen as pathological at all." Identifying Mr. McGregor as Scottish changed his diagnosis from 'clinical depression' to 'rather quaint and charming' and he was immediately discharged from hospital, with a selection of brightly coloured leaflets and an "I love New York" T-shirt.
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Subject: RE: BS: Scotland From: GUEST,Davetnova Date: 27 Jun 02 - 08:04 AM For more on last post see BS not depressed just British thread. Scotsmen have Nothing to be depressed about. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Scotland From: Murray MacLeod Date: 27 Jun 02 - 07:05 PM I only get depressed when I see Scottish comedic giants like Chic Murray and Will Fyfe have their names grossly mis-spelled . Murray
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Subject: RE: BS: Scotland From: GUEST,Teribus Date: 28 Jun 02 - 02:27 AM Apologies Murray - I don't know who wrote the piece, I just cut and pasted it. But all things considered if that's all you get depressed about - you're in damn fine shape. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Scotland From: Scabby Douglas Date: 28 Jun 02 - 06:01 AM Chic Murray: a genius indeed.
"I walked into a room. The curtain were drawn, but the furniture was real."
"I opened the door in my pyjamas. I thought "Funny place to have a door.""
"It's a small world. But I wouldn't want to paint it." An alternative comedian before there were any. He's reported to have been as funny in real day-to-day life as onstage. Supposedly he went into a petshop and asked them to sell him a wasp. "A wasp?" says the assistant. "Who'd want a wasp as a pet?". "Well, you've got two in the window.", replied Chic.
On the Subway in Glasgow, he asked the ticket inspector if there was a buffet car on the train. Informed that there was not, he asks if there will be on on the next train. Informed that there will be no buffet car on that train either, Chic grumbles "Christ, I'll be starvin by the time I get to Merkland Street!"
Sadly missed. Cheers Steven |
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Subject: RE: BS: Scotland From: Scabby Douglas Date: 28 Jun 02 - 06:33 AM Some more Chic Murray: I met this chap at the Olympics. I said to him, "Excuse me but are you a pole vaulter?", he replied,"No, I'm German, but how did you know my name was Walter." I was in London the other day and this man came up to me and asked me if I knew the Battersea dog's home. I said that I didn't know it had been away. This chap said to me, "If you look over there, you'll see Dumbarton Rock". Well, I looked for 20 minutes and the thing never moved an inch. "This friend of mine had a terrible upbringing. I asked him once what his ambition was and he replied it was to have an ambition. In the end tragedy struck - as he lay on his death bed he confessed to three murders. Then he got better" I went to the butchers to buy a leg of lamb. 'Is it Scotch?' I asked. 'Why?' the butcher asked. 'Are you going to talk to it or eat it?' 'In that case, have you got any wild duck?' 'No,' he said, 'but I've got one I could aggravate for you.' What use is happiness? It can't buy you money. "I rang the bell of a small bed-and breakfast place, whereupon a lady appeared at an outside window. "What do you want?" she asked. "I want to stay here," I replied. "Well, stay there then," she said and banged the window shut. "My wife went to a beauty parlour and got a mud pack. For two days she looked nice, then the mud fell off. She's a classy girl though, at least all her tattoos are spelt right." "There are only two rules for drinking whisky. First, never take whisky without water, and second, never take water without whisky." "My father was an Aberdonian and a more generous man you couldn't wish to meet. I have a gold watch that belonged to my father, he sold it to me on his death bed.……...so I wrote him a cheque". "So there I was lying in the gutter. A man stopped and asked 'What's the matter? Did you fall over?' So I said 'No. I've a bar of toffee in my back pocket and I was just trying to break it." "So I gave him a wave. Actually, it was more of a half wave, because I only half know him." "He started talking to me about this and that - about which I know very little." The police stopped me when I was out in my car. They told me it was a spot check. I admitted to two pimples and a boil. I admit to spending a fortune on women, booze and gambling. The rest I spend foolishly. It was raining cats and dogs and I fell in a poodle. Cheers Steven |
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Subject: RE: BS: Scotland From: jeffp Date: 28 Jun 02 - 01:17 PM Thank you, Steven. Some much-needed chuckles on an otherwise less-than-great day. jeffp |
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Subject: RE: BS: Scotland From: little john cameron Date: 28 Jun 02 - 01:33 PM If anybody is interested,I have an mp3 of Chic. pm if you want it.Big file though. ljc |