BS: New Job for Spaw!!

Subject: BS: New Job for Spaw!!
From: Amos
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 03:50 PM

Since he is probably really tired of the retirement shtick and over-run on Wimeraner praising, I recommend to Spaw that he apply for a position as a flatus Judge. I think he would be a natural, so to speak!


A

Subject: RE: BS: New Job for Spaw!!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 04:20 PM

Well, if the options are A) Fart Sniffer or B) Pig Masturbator, bring on the farts, please.

Bruce

Subject: RE: BS: New Job for Spaw!!
From: Bill D
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 04:30 PM

they left out "collecting lava samples from inside a volcano"....I'd rather sniff farts.

(and they have know forever that Hydrogen Sulfide was usually the major component...why this extra research?)

Subject: RE: BS: New Job for Spaw!!
From: artbrooks
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 04:48 PM

While the article claims that the volunteers ate pinto beans in order to produce the necessary output for the test, considering that it was done in Minneapolis I'd guess that there were at least some residules of brats, cheap beer and (maybe) lutefisk involved. No wonder hydrogen sulfide was the principle byproduct. A New Mexico green chili fart is quite another thing entirely...tart and strong enough to eat the lining from your nostrils!

By the way, Seamus Kennedy has a lovely little ditty about farts....

Subject: RE: BS: New Job for Spaw!!
From: GUEST,Kim C no cookie
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 04:58 PM

I know some of you don't care for Baxter Black... but his poem Thunderwear is a classic.

Subject: RE: BS: New Job for Spaw!!
From: open mike
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 06:21 PM

People Are Funny Critters

People are funny critters.
There's apple pie bakers,
And crooked book makers,
And blondes and brunetters,
And birthday forgetters,
And chicken fry lovers,
And blue eyed soul brothers,
And drinkers and boozers,
And winners and losers,
And elephant trainers,
And tireless campaigners,
And fixers and menders,
And paper clip benders,
And goers and stayers,
And pinochle players,
And handkerchief users,
And tissue abusers,
And interstate bikers,
And wilderness hikers,
And joggers and addicts,
And handball fanatics,
And kissers and tellers,
And friends of the fellers,
And lovers and fighters,
And finger nail biters,
And mayonnaise dippers,
And miracle whippers,
And newspaper readers,
And drivers and speeders,
And overweight hookers,
And magazine lookers,
And people with answers,
And bottomless dancers,
And quivering flunkers,
And basketball dunkers,
And readers and thinkers,
And double scotch drinkers,
And soda straw manglers,
And bar napkin stranglers,
And teasers and triers,
And high rolling flyers,
And uncles and sisters,
And passive resisters,
And virtuous girlies,
And sillies and squirlies,
And weirdoes and sickies,
And five dollar quickies,
And xylophone pickers,
And popsicle lickers,
And yawners and nappers,
And one handicappers,
And zippy old timers,
And lunatic rhymers.
People are funny critters.

Subject: RE: BS: New Job for Spaw!!
From: Amos
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 06:37 PM

Now THAT is inspired!! Bravo!!!

And storybook fellers
And good looking tellers
And fart-flatus smellers....

Subject: RE: BS: New Job for Spaw!!
From: Fortunato
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 08:11 PM

Farts are funny and so is catspaw. But where is the little fucker?

Subject: RE: BS: New Job for Spaw!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 10:14 PM

All 6 foot, 235 pounds of the "little fucker" are right here......and if the pay was right, I'd go underwater and fuck fish! Gargoyle tells me it's interesting work.

Personally I'd do them a lot better as a flatus producer than a judge but I am often curious as to what the hell someone has eaten that produces some of those smells! I mean I've ripped some that smell like rotting cherries mixed with bean dip and I haven't eaten either one! Some are actually declared Level 5 bio-hazards and yet I've eaten completely innocuous foodstuffs. The ones that smell like moldering bananas are also intriguing........

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: New Job for Spaw!!
From: Amos
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 10:23 PM

I hear ya man -- the odd ones that are obviously ripe with chile pepper -- but you haven't touched a chile in three weeks -- what the hell gives wid that?

Glad you're still throwing your weight around, any way!! :>)

A

Subject: RE: BS: New Job for Spaw!!
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 11:51 PM

I know, I know, 'Spaw....every once in a while the trade winds blow one of them this way, and the tourists all leave. You know, the economy here ain't all that robust--do you think you could give us a break?

Aloha,
Mark

Subject: RE: BS: New Job for Spaw!!
From: Mark Clark
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 12:13 AM

So, Amos, are you saying Spaw is a pretty fart smeller?

      - Mark

Subject: RE: BS: New Job for Spaw!!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 01:21 AM

Two points:

1. Re: the link - interesting that for psycological hazard they have a picture of Barney the Dinosaur - I have long been (well, since I first saw the putrid purple pizzle) of the opinion that it should be banned under the Geneva Convention.

2. What is that thing with stomach contents? It goes both ways, as it were. I don't like tomatoes. I never eat tomatoes. So why, when I barf, there are always chopped tomatoes? Similarly, I don't eat cat food, never have (well except the odd biscuit but who doesn't?), never will. So why, when I fart, does it smell of Felix 'Cod, plaice and trout' cat food?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: New Job for Spaw!!
From: Nerd
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 02:03 AM

Billy Connolly used to have a routine on diced carrots.

Why is it when you vomit, there's always diced carrots in it? I didn't eat diced carrots!

It ends up with

It's not the drink that makes you vomit. It's the diced bloody carrots!

Subject: RE: BS: New Job for Spaw!!
From: Ella who is Sooze
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 03:17 AM

Did any of you read the rest of the 'worst jobs' list....

Barnyard masturbator...

I mean! Well!

ewwwwwwwwwww!

When I was a kid I believed my Uncle when he used to tell me that on his farm the sheep rubbed bellies..

oooo yuk!

Ella

Subject: RE: BS: New Job for Spaw!!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 12:22 PM

Manitas used to know a lady who worked as an artificial inseminator. Farmers used to look at her and get hysterical when she'd announce that she was going to get the cow pregnant.

I think she did it for the rubber gloves... they were VERY long.

Imagine admitting to the world that you ARE Barney the Dinosaur... I bet that's one bloke who's glad his face isn't recognised!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: New Job for Spaw!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 12:06 AM

Not so "ewwwww" --that would be "ewe."

Subject: RE: BS: New Job for Spaw!!
From: Amos
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 10:41 AM

I recollect there is a certain lovesick Bull, Tornado yclept, who still scans the Washington horizon every day looking for the gal vet who applied that technique. He's just never gotten over it! :>)LOL!

A