BS 4 Ace High Hole

Subject: have fun
From: vega
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 11:58 PM

He was sittin' in saddle, chewing a long twig o'grass thinking of nothing. That was until, Sassy stop at the table to ask what his next drink would be. "I'pose a grape sour 'ill do" was all he said. Sassy couldn't help wondering about the crazy old man. Every day sitting in the corner of the 4 Ace High Hole soda shop on that brand new saddle in his clown suit. Then she remembered Jerry telling her that the old man lost every thing but the saddle in the annual tiddley wink tour'o'ment.

Subject: RE: BS 4 Ace High Hole
From: mack/misophist
Date: 03 Jul 04 - 01:34 AM

Why you talking agout me for?

Subject: RE: BS 4 Ace High Hole
From: GUEST,John O'Lennaine
Date: 03 Jul 04 - 01:46 AM

Sassy 'n' Jerry had oughta min' they own dam biznes

Subject: RE: BS 4 Ace High Hole
From: vega
Date: 03 Jul 04 - 08:37 AM

Sorry for talkin' about Mack. Just though it might be fun to have a little story tellin' for some laughs. Guess nobody does that much anymore from the looks of things.

Subject: RE: BS 4 Ace High Hole
From: CarolC
Date: 03 Jul 04 - 11:57 AM

Mack's clownsuit was gettin itchy. "Must be laundry day again", he thought. Damn. He'd been saving his quarters since the last laundry day almost a year ago, but he was one quarter short. "This is embarassin'. I guess I'm agonna have to give rides."

Mack heaved the saddle over his shoulder and picked his way through the chairs and tables of the 4 Ace High Hole soda shop, stopping every few seconds to dislodge one of his size 42 clown shoes from between a couple of chair legs, and to apologize to the customers when his saddle or one of the stirrups hit a customer in the head or poked them in the eye.

Mack was gettin' tard but he wadn't about to give up, and it's a good thing because he was almost to the door. The Mayor was a couple of feet away, flirting with Sassy, and he was standing on Mack's left shoe. Pulling hard on his left leg, and trying not to grunt too loud, Mack got his shoe out from under the Mayor, toppling the Mayor sideways in the process. "I gotta make tracks now", he thought. "That Mayor don't cotton to no clowns anyhow." Fortunately one of the beer delivery men had left the door propped open or Mack would have wasted another fifteen precious minutes that he needed for earning his laundry money.

"I reckon the Piggley Wiggley this time", thought Mack. It was only a block away, and Mack figgered he could make it before nightfall, if he didn't get no surprises. And if the Mayor didn't catch up to him or send any cops after him.

The Mayor had other things on his mind, and about a half hour before nightfall, Mack was slinging his shiny new saddle down off his shoulder and clearing the pop cans and old newspapers off a section of sidewalk a few feet from the door of the Piggley Wiggley. He got down on his hands and knees and crawled under the arch of the saddle, lifting the saddle up on his back as he went. Fastening the straps was a bit tricky, but he got it done and after placing his little cup about a foot away for collecting quarters, he was ready for his first customer.

Subject: RE: BS 4 Ace High Hole
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jul 04 - 12:39 PM

LOL!!

A

Subject: RE: BS 4 Ace High Hole
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 03 Jul 04 - 12:53 PM

Cocomo Joe was four hundred and thirty two pounds when he'd been fired from The Circus. To work as a fat man in The Circus, you had to be much more than morbidly obese, you had to be jaw droppingly so. Joe had caused some jaws to drop in his day. Thats why they didn't let him go until he was at one quarter of peak weight.

Joe was on his way out of the Piggly Wiggly with the dozen eggs two packs of weiners and the small turkey he'd planned to eat for lunch. "Atkins rules!" he thought.

Then he spotted the clown! Clowns can smell coulrophobia like sharks can smell blood. The clowns at the Circus had mercilessly teased him every waking moment during his twelve years as a featured attraction. "I'm going to wipe the painted smile off that clown's face." He thought as he paid his quarter and prepared to mount the harlequin.

Subject: RE: BS 4 Ace High Hole
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 Jul 04 - 05:22 PM

"WHOOPPEE-TI-YAI-OOOOOO" shouted Cocomo Joe as he beat the clown's butt with his makeshift whip - a rope of weiner links. "FASTER!" "FASTER!"

Mack whinnied and took off along the sidewalk on hands and knees, tearing the clown suit and bruising his shins but too proud to call it quits and lose his quarter to the former fattie. He remembered Joe from his days in the circus. He remembered his ugly ways and he remembered his fatal flaw.

With a final heave he bucked off his rider and deposited him on the sidewalk in front of Baskins-Robbins. It was "Two For One" day and the featured flavor was Peanutbutter Trails Down A Rocky Road. Cocomo Joe, sweaty and flushed, dropped his weiner rope and headed into paradise ("or Hell" thought the gloating clown. Mack had his quarter and he had his revenge.

Subject: RE: BS 4 Ace High Hole
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 03 Jul 04 - 05:47 PM

"A quarter for a two block ride? Not bad." thought Joe. "Clowns are poor entertainment, but they are pretty good transporatation."

Subject: RE: BS 4 Ace High Hole
From: katlaughing
Date: 04 Jul 04 - 10:32 AM

Jiminee couldn't believe her eyes! She pulled out her cell phone and punched the numbers for the ACDL, Anti-Clown Defamation League, hotline.

A nasal, twangy voice answered on the first ring, "ACDL, if you catch 'em in the act, we can help."

Jiminee hollered, "ACDL? I got one here!! I just saw a poor clown mercilessly ridden by Cocomo Joe. It was realy him! This time we can get him, send your closest squad to the Piggley Wiggley at 5th and Vine. I'll keep track of him 'til then.

The voice droned on, "Now, ma'am, just hold your horses."

"No, no, I don't have any horses, I'm talking about C-Joe riding a Clown, ferkrisakes! Someone needs to get here NOW! You are the ACDL, right?" Jiminee yelled.

A different voice came on the phone. In a deep tone, not unlike her daddy's, Jiminee heard, "Now jest you calm yerself down, little girl, and tell yer Uncle Albert all about it..." Then she could hear him whisper aside, "Mabel, get the drones fired up...we've got to save Cocomo before the real ACDL gets free and beats us there!"

Jiminee broke the connection then and ran into the Higgley Piggley Wiggley looking for Clown-Abuser Joe.

Subject: RE: BS 4 Ace High Hole
From: SINSULL
Date: 04 Jul 04 - 04:10 PM

But Joe was at Baskin-Robbins eying the Peanutbutter Trails Down The Rocky Road and carefully calculating how much he could get for the $52.33 in his wallet. His weiners were hopelessly smashed on the sidewalk outside. And he had lost track of his other protein treats. Nothing was left but the URGE, the CRAVING, the NEED for sugar and fat and...and...and...A WAFFLE CONE!

Subject: RE: BS 4 Ace High Hole
From: SINSULL
Date: 04 Jul 04 - 04:15 PM

Meantime, Mack meanders meaningfully towards the Main Mall Tailor hoping to get some mending and a mylar makeover.

Subject: RE: BS 4 Ace High Hole
From: CarolC
Date: 05 Jul 04 - 07:28 PM

BANG!!!

Subject: RE: BS 4 Ace High Hole
From: SINSULL
Date: 05 Jul 04 - 08:24 PM

OUCH! Damnit all!

Subject: RE: BS 4 Ace High Hole
From: Ebbie
Date: 05 Jul 04 - 10:59 PM

ahhahhahah Waitin' for the nex' installmen'.

Subject: RE: BS 4 Ace High Hole
From: SINSULL
Date: 06 Jul 04 - 07:30 AM

Custom made clown shoes - all leather. No kidding! Look down below...



A custom made leather clown shoe to the head HURTS. And this one had the optional exploding toe. "Damn that hurt" cried Mack.

Subject: RE: BS 4 Ace High Hole
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jul 04 - 10:01 AM

She saw him, and again her heart took wings. Natasha, free-form aerialist, who was web-swinging forty floors up, practicing for her role as Spiderman's body double in the upcoming movie, "Spiderman III: The Body Double."

It had been a long time -- years and years -- but she still remember his cotton-candy-flavored kisses, so sweetly innocent in those long-days when they were young together and life stretched out before them, not like a patient etherized upon a table, but as a sunlit road leading to a starfilled future.

She stopped, positioning herself on the side of the building, watching him so far below.

If, she thought. Alwasy If. What could have been if only he hadn't liked licorice-flavored cotton candy so much?

Subject: RE: BS 4 Ace High Hole
From: HuwG
Date: 06 Jul 04 - 10:44 AM

The Great McPhee looked at the poster advertising the Circus with mixed emotions. He had been fired from the show at about the same time as Cocomo Joe. As he had been the Human Cannonball, the severance was even more painful, and very nearly terminal.

Subject: RE: BS 4 Ace High Hole
From: beardedbruce
Date: 07 Jul 04 - 08:32 AM

Of course, McPhee always wondered who had replaced him- given his girth, where would they have found another of his caliber?

Subject: RE: BS 4 Ace High Hole
From: SINSULL
Date: 07 Jul 04 - 12:37 PM

ASIDE: Ouch! BB - go stand in the corner!

Subject: RE: BS 4 Ace High Hole
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 04 - 03:19 PM

Or, for that matter, with his range?

Subject: RE: BS 4 Ace High Hole
From: beardedbruce
Date: 07 Jul 04 - 03:22 PM

how many octaves?

Subject: RE: BS 4 Ace High Hole
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 04 - 04:34 PM

Right about 300 yards.

Subject: RE: BS 4 Ace High Hole
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 07 Jul 04 - 07:01 PM

Sam the circus scout was taking his children out for ice cream when spotted Cocomo Joe. The vacant look, the chocolate chips on his chin "He baaaaack" thought Sam. "Atkins Scmatkins" he shouted triumphantly as he put the contract in Joe's hand.

Subject: RE: BS 4 Ace High Hole
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 04 - 10:48 PM

"That's it," thought Natasha, from her perch forty stories up. "I gotta go potty, and this suit wasn't designed for the use of either women OR men!"