Punch the Horse in September

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 04:13 AM

Does anybody want to buy a photocopier? I need to sell some. NOW.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 04:15 AM

what type and price?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 04:18 AM

anyway=it smells of dust in here, i just put my central heting on, and now theres a really dustry smell,
ps-if that next door neebour bloke doesent stop putting his rubbish imn my bin, i am going to burn his house down, so he;d better watch it, and the postman keeps putting bills here in my box, i told him before " i said "HOY, Dont put no bills in my box!, he give some shitty excuse, [my job or somesuch bullshit], so i put i sign on my dore, 2NO BILLS HERE", he still bloodt put them here, stupif!, i pay all my gas , leccyt and water, in by card each week, at post ofice, so all other post is rubbish, and i dont want it, i told him, "dont put no posts here", anyway i stood in front of the letter box one day, and i said " if you put any post here, i put it straight in back in your bag, he gave me a bad look, and said "shut up weirdo, and2 and he just threw it on the floor, i will report him next time.,
so he better watch it, they cant make you have post, if you dont want it, bloody rip off.if he starts making trubble, i will give him a slap.john

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 04:20 AM

Toshiba. From littlies to biggies.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 04:21 AM

and serves himright, the arseole, anyway, i will throw some stones at him from the kichen window, and serve him right, how do you spell kichen?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 04:40 AM

GUEST-Do you know who I am?
I'm the one with the Ozzy Osbourne haircut and glasssis.
demister-waht you on about-Toshiba, my video, is Toshiba, its crap, it dosent record no more, it plays ok, but not record, most telly is shit anyway, how do you record digical telly then?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 05:16 AM

Hey chaps and chapesses, I think you should have a look at the thread entitled BS September 19th. Visit the website that is linked and seriously consider that we should take this on board whole hartedly.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: sweetfire
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 05:40 AM

Wahey,this is great, i'm on the net and sending an post in my lesson and not gettin told off for it...college is GREAT!!!!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 06:09 AM

get on with your work girl!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 06:27 AM

We'll start early!
Arrrrrr me hearties, weigh anchor on C & K's deck, Friday 12th 8 bells onwards, swashle your lasscut, buckle yor bodkins, flay the fiddlers, arrrr, arrrr, arrrr.....er!
Walking the plank optional, bear9hoi? served by comely buxom wenches?????
What is this stuff I'm smoking!!!!!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 07:00 AM

That was Colin Thompson.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 07:13 AM

Thought I'd do a bit of research r.e the room we occupy on Tuesday nights. It's the formica altar, bent candles, flashing disco lights, game of Twister & big mallets that bother me.So here goes:
Antediluvian: Referring to the time before the flood????
Colloquially..utterly out of date!!

For Colin's benefit, our friends in the photos are not wearing envelopes within which are placed buffalo bollocks, they are indedd aprons. Originally they were a peice of animal skin fastened around the body & tied with two tapes which came to a bow in the front. Since the bow could become unfastened whilst working, a piece from the top of the apron was folded over to protect the bow, hence the resemblence to envelopes. Perfectly practical and logical.

The RAOB was created by the stage hands & theatre technicians of Drury Lane in 1822 as they were denied entry to the Order of the City of Lushington which consisted of artists and actors.

The purpose of the order is described as "the pursuit of Brotherhood".
The conception of Brotherhood is firmly based on the family principle, that the total power and strength of the family shall be available to the individual in accordance with his need, but the point must be made at once, that the degree to which needs can be met depends entirely on the loyalty to that principle of each member of the family.

I'm getting bored now.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 07:16 AM

Oaklet that was me. Correction of spelling mistakes in previous posting. Indedd...read indeed & peice...read piece. There! I think I'll go and watch some paint dry otherwise I'm going to become really sad.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 08:01 AM

I have just picked all the blown vinyl bubbles off 2 square feet of wallpaper.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 08:21 AM

Oaklet I really want to ask why but am terribly afraid of the response I may get.

Tip of the day

Get out more often.

(me herties arrrr)

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 08:23 AM

Mrs Drinkall from No 21 has just popped round to inform me that she has contracted with Potts Roofing and Property Repairs to renew the guttering at the back of her house and wanted to check if it is OK to join her new guttering onto mine. I wasn't falling for any of that brazen lewdness and was politely affirmative but firm. She might have not appreciated how firm I actually was, but that's another matter.

Looking back, I think this would have made a splendid new thread called "Mrs Drinkall from no 21's new guttering". I should have ended it with a question about other Mudcatter's experiences of new guttering on non-detached properties.

Another missed opportunity to enliven a slightly slow day in South Ferriby Sluice.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 08:27 AM

And the big mallets are the badges-of-office of the Grand Buggermaster General. A bit scary, that lot.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 08:43 AM

Our venus fly traps are small but they are eating daddy long legs. It's disgusting you can see the legs sticking out of the sides yeuch!!
Oaklet the mastering of buggery takes years & years I'm afraid you've still got a long way to go! I am now going to count the woodlice in the compost bin.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 08:49 AM

PS I've been listening to Cara's new CD, dunno what they're going to call it but it's very nice, very easy to listen to.Should be accompanied by an open fire, big fleecy rug, a bottle of chilled wine & good company, it's that sort of CD. Sorry to plug this on a PTH thread but I'm sure the guys won't mind!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 09:08 AM

You must have one of Oakley's mass produced bootleg copies then KJ, Because it isn't released untill sometime after now!

I believe PTH are going into the (or should I say a) studio in October to make a new CD as well. here are even rumours that they are practicing!!!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 09:37 AM

The Notes in the Stones, KJ is what Cara's new CD is called. Glad you like the raw version - imagine how it'll sound with a picure of a castle on the front and a barcode on the back!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 10:32 AM

Crenulated, it will definitely sound crenulated. I can hear those crenulations from here ............Wow !!!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 10:34 AM

KJ, did you roll this last ciggie ? Nope can't be that I forgot I don't smoke .................errrrrrrr?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 10:39 AM

Avast me hearty, we pirates don' smoke nuttin but the auld bacca. Good clean livin' lads & lasses is what we are!!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 10:40 AM

Does anybody want to buy a photocopier?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 10:51 AM

In the bowl of my meeshaum sits a plug of Fusileer Empire Agony Shag, burning steadily with an aromatic, heady tranquility. In the opposite corner of the drawing room is an exasperated Mrs O, noisily gagging and repeatedly thrusting open the french windows complaining bitterly about her inability to breathe. I suspect that this is more to do with the fact that my pipe has set fire to the carpet, than the aroma of the Fusileer.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 11:09 AM

Okay, Okay....(sigh) why do you want to flog all of us photocopiers Mr Dean?
Oaklet if I was Mrs O, I would get you a shed, you obviously need one!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 11:22 AM

I have just this second come back from buying three huge photocopiers, each on an elaborate and extended maintenance contract. Sorry Peter, I forgot that you do this for a living as well. I should have spoken to you, shouldn't I?

KJ - I did have a shed but it caught fire shortly after the arrival of a pound of Nelson's Old Colonial Hard Bronchial Twist.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 03:22 PM

Avast there me harties I am geet happy to see this thread has risen to the dizzying depths that I have come to know and love about PTH threads.

Keep the home fires burning oakly............... no not like that!!! I've just seen a squad of fire appliances heading across the Humber bridge at full tilt no doubt heading for that pall of smoke over South Ferribeeeee. Oh dear.


Put that out Raggy you don't smoke!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 06:19 AM

Does anybody know of a device for removing Sales Managers from my office....?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 06:29 AM

Hodkin and Tonks produce a teak Wheeled Executive Trolly and Fork combination. I personally prefer to poison them with my body products mixed into hot drinks, having smeared nitic acid on the loo seat. The burning and itching normally drives them away.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 08:41 AM

Help!

My computer suffered a catastrophic failure last night and as a result I've lost my address book so will those of you who have my email address please email so that I can rebuild my address book.
Ta

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 12:21 PM

smallpliers, you should have backed up your address book using your DeanMeister photocopier!

...what d'you mean, you haven't got one? All the Hull crowd have bought them is what he told me.

Oh.... I see..... but it is always advisable to buy two at a time, like kittens, isn't it, otherwise they pine?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 03:46 PM

Yep Noreen I should have but then I'm an ijiit! I lost more than me address book all me phots have gone as well - I did back those up in July but not since... duh!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Les from Hull
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 03:51 PM

Ooo I want one of those kittens that smell of pine. It would be so useful in cleaning out the toilet bowl. Our cat just smells of cat.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,KJ
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 03:53 PM

Who would buy a photocopier from the DeanMeister, can you trust this man?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 03:59 PM

I have it from a reliable sauce that he is totally reliable when it comes to photocopiers!

I'm sayin' nowt about anything else though but me harties!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 04:01 PM

My skull has just been cleft by hailstones the soize of oysters. Aharrrrggh.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 04:06 PM

nononononononononono Oaklet they were oysters!

have you extinguished that fire yet?

Subject: Punch the horse in Manchester?
From: GUEST,Les the confused
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 04:08 PM

er, no.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,KJ
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 07:01 PM

Yes SP they were indeed oysters. The imperial bollockmaster Oaklet has now being targeted by the Barton branch of the ROAB for profaning the image of the true buffalo. This is only the beginning, they are filling their envelopes, sorry aprons, as we speak with the stinking intestines of long dead cats in which they will immerse the aforesaid Oaklet and make him eat sprats!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 07:15 PM

I recall seeing a picture of the lovely Mrs Drinkall once. I do wish she would come here and complain about something.

- LH

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 07:24 PM

Hawklet- she wears the prettiest of hats.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 10:14 PM

I bet.

Now as for Colin Thompson, I can't say much about him, but I do enjoy reading Colin Wilson. Very interesting fellow.

- LH

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: sweetfire
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 05:07 AM

I see you have all finally come to your sences...ish!

And there's some fine drivel thoughout this thread may I add..!!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 05:14 AM

Sorry KJ, cannot attend your soiree this evening. I have been informed that Mrs DeMister will be attending a bash elsewhere, and I have to drive my children to another do also. I'm practising my DeNiro as we speak...."are you talkin to me??"

Hope y'all have a good one!

Smallplonker, I'll be round shortly with your new copier.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 05:14 AM

That Colin never came back to me about the position of wringer out for a one armed window cleaner

Rude I call it

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 05:43 AM

Mr. Meister, you can go and install the Thompson's new copier on the decking after you drop the kiddies off!

I'm having difficulty running off copies of the new Cara CD on the left-hand copier you sold me- the paper that comes out won't play at all, and now it's stuck in the CD tray... what am I doing wrong??

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 05:47 AM

That's because Oaklet has installed an anti-copy device to all authorised copies of the CD. Which, incidentally, I haven't heard yet. Why is that?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 05:47 AM

100!!!! WEHEY!! What's MY prize?