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BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???....
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Subject: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: Bobert Date: 04 Aug 06 - 08:08 PM Well, here we go again... My friend calls me up complainin' about his wife again... Says that she always sayin' stuff like, "We never get out to have fun any more!!!", then breaks down in tears and stomps off to the bedroom... Problem is that my friend suffers from this little short term memory thing and, well, he kinda thinks that they just did this 'er that but can't quite remember what this 'er that was an' his wife knows that he can't remember so she has him takin' her off at least once a week to some place special... My thinkin' is that his wife can't really not remember but he assures me that with her cryin' an' all that it's all on the up 'n up... Hey, I was born at night but... So, womenz (an' guys)... What do you think??? I told him to keep a danged journal, 'er put these things on a charge card 'er somethin'... I confess though that I don't have a clue... Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: GUEST,number 6 Date: 04 Aug 06 - 08:16 PM jeeezuz Bobert ... you can do better than this. sIx |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: Peace Date: 04 Aug 06 - 08:16 PM 'I confess though that I don't have a clue...' Don't lead with your chin . . . . |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: GUEST,Bee Date: 04 Aug 06 - 08:42 PM Is he reeeally takin' her out some place fun 'every week' or does he just think it ain't been that long? Does his (and your) idea of someplace fun include tractor pulls, car races and fishing tournaments? Is she, say, fiftyish? In which case he should just hang tight for a year or two. Just sayin'... :-} |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: Matt_R Date: 04 Aug 06 - 08:42 PM "We never get out to have fun any more!!!", then breaks down in tears and stomps off to the bedroom..." I think every PMSing woman on the planet says this. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: GUEST Date: 04 Aug 06 - 09:27 PM Your friend has married the wrong woman. Tell him to get a divorce as soon as is humanly possible. Otherwise, he will have to spend the rest of his life with this woman. He made a mistake. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: GUEST,Old Guy Date: 04 Aug 06 - 11:02 PM Y'know, wen you get old and your sex life fades, it's not because you feel like you don't want any. It's just that you feel like you just had some. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: LilyFestre Date: 04 Aug 06 - 11:32 PM My husband and I make it a point to take one day a week for ourselves, together. If we decided to go out and do something fun, that's great. If we decide to stay in, that's fine too, but it is OUR day. If you make time for a day like that, you won't be forgetting. The actual day changes from time to time as needed to accommodate our schedules, but basically it stays the same. For our day out this week, we are going to a local state park to kayak, do some fly fishing and then go on an owl prowl. It's not fancy but it's something that we both love and will have a great time doing, and isn't that all that matters? :) I don't know what to tell you except that is how it works around here and I have no complaints! :) *waving to Mrs. Bobert* Michelle who has a new kitty named Bob...who gets called Bobaloochi and Bobert...LOL |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: JohnInKansas Date: 05 Aug 06 - 01:08 AM I told him to keep a danged journal??????? EXTREMELY DANGEROUS ADVICE!!!!! If "she" ever finds that journal, .... or so much as suspects that it exists - He's D..D..D..E..E..A..A..D..D..D (probably by slow and lingering processes). Take it from the voice of experience.... If I hadn't found another princess (after the DEEVORCE) to bring me back to life I'd still be dead. John |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: gnu Date: 05 Aug 06 - 05:45 AM Well, I finally tried the opposite, Michelle. At least one day per week apart. Worked so well, I made it a full time deal. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: Bobert Date: 05 Aug 06 - 08:10 AM Michelle, Now, I, I mean my friend, try to make one day a week 'cept the two of us, I mean them, is both space cases and can't remember what we did last week so we/thems forgets and so it seems like we, ahhhh, they din't do anything at all??? Pathetic... BTW, I named my new kitty after, Kendall and he's turned into a little mischief maker so be carefull 'bout callin' yer's Bobert 'er he'll spend most of his time trippin' while tryin' to run with a foot in his mount... ***grin*** Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: Wolfgang Date: 05 Aug 06 - 08:57 AM A typical male advice, Bobert. It would not help at all (except making him feel superior). Women do have superior memories for these details but not quite as good as some think they have. Bobert's idea: Write it down and confront her with the facts when she complains with (in her mind) a good reason and has a bad mood. What was without the confrontation with the facts? She had a bad mood and a reason for it. Go out with her to have fun and she'd probably have a better mood than before. What will be after the confrontation with the facts? She'll still have the same bad mood but no reason for it. That's much worse. Wolfgang |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: freda underhill Date: 05 Aug 06 - 08:59 AM Just like with children - don't wait til they're grumpy to be kind & loving - practise pre-emptive kindness strikes! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: LilyFestre Date: 05 Aug 06 - 10:44 AM Bobert, You just made my point. If you set aside the same day every week for something special/get out of the house/whatever, how can you forget? For us, and our current schedule, Saturday is our day...we make a point to NOT schedule anything with anyone else. It gives us something to look forward to...so if you keep the day consistent, how can you forget? We also take turns deciding what to do because we used to spend half the day asking each other, "What do you want to do?" That got very frustrating and it was happening because we both wanted the other to be happy...now we take turns. Today is my day to pick and I have chosen to go kayaking, fishing and then to an owl prowl. Next week, he will pick. Regarding the journal idea, I use my calendar for that. I don't think it's a smart idea to keep a journal and then show it to your wife when she is wanting to go somewhere and you want to show her when and where you just were. Sometimes a girl just wants to do SOMETHING different! And Gnu, my husband and I have very busy schedules and don't see much of each other during the week, so we don't have the need for a day apart! But hey, whatever works for you, right? Michelle :) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: Alice Date: 05 Aug 06 - 10:47 AM Write it on the calendar. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: Alice Date: 05 Aug 06 - 11:00 AM Actually, Bobert, I've been single for all but 7 (awful) married months of my life. At age 54, I am so used to doing what I want without asking someone else about it, I have trouble relating to your problem. If I want to go somewhere or do something and have the funds needed, I just do it. Now, if your wife decided to be that independent, you may or may not like it. She could possibly just start spending more time away from home on her own. Alice |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: Scoville Date: 05 Aug 06 - 11:33 AM Sounds like a difference of perception. My last boyfriend scheduled "fun" stuff and, while I appreciated the effort, he bored the Hell out of me. I scheduled "fun" stuff that stressed him out. We finally decided we just didn't have the same ideas about "fun". I can't tell if you're being facetious about the "short term memory thing", but I would think that could be wearing over the long term. Sort of one of those low-grade but nagging stressors. Maybe she's reacting to that even though, logically, she knows it's not his fault. (My mother is home all day and, when Dad and I get home, she talks nonstop and follows us around. Drives us insane. We know she just wants some company since she's not really supposed to be out in public a whole lot, but sometimes the first emotional response I want to give her is to tell her to back off and get a life.) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: JohnInKansas Date: 05 Aug 06 - 02:36 PM If you set aside the same day every week for something special/get out of the house/whatever... And then you hear: "But we always do that. I want to do something SPECIAL" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: Tannywheeler Date: 05 Aug 06 - 02:49 PM So, Bobert, tell "your friend" to pick one from Column A and one from Column B. Try it out for a while and then tell you how it worked out; then, if necessary, try something else. And then you can keep us up-to-date about which pieces of free advice seem to be most effective--in your "friend's" case. Tw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: JohnInKansas Date: 05 Aug 06 - 03:08 PM My last post came up with only half of what I'd typed and previewed, and with a broken italic not present in my previews, at the fifth post down and with Tannywheeler's post after mine. A re-post got vaporized in hyperspace. Traffic must be heavy. What my back button says I posted was (third try): If you set aside the same day every week for something special/get out of the house/whatever... And then you hear: "But we always do that. I want to do something SPECIAL once in a while." It depends, of course, on both persons involved; but often it comes down to "The I Don't Know What I Want From You, But I Ain't Gettin' It Blues." (Ginny Reilly) It is possible that Clinical Depression, or the response to CD in a partner, may be present? If so, you can try; but it likely ain't gonna help without medical intervention. It's probably more likely that it's just boredom, but it may be boredom with the partner as much as with what the couple is doing - so still a potentially serious situation. John |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: GUEST Date: 05 Aug 06 - 04:40 PM What is think is going on with Bobert's friend is this: He married a beautiful and sexy woman in a hurry after a great loss. She is a dependent and spoiled material girl who doesn't know herself and thus is not able to amuse herself, feel content with her life, or relate to her man like a grown up woman. He is bored with her, and very involved with his own interests which do not mesh with hers nor include her in any meaningful way and which she can not share because of her immaturity. She thus depends on his attention to make her feel alive and worthwhile. His attention is flagging and things are going rather poorly in this marriage. Such incompatibiility is always rather sad, but these two would be happier with different mates, I'm afraid and if they stay together, the union will be fraught with discontent. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: Little Robyn Date: 05 Aug 06 - 07:37 PM Or maybe she's getting menopausal - try HRT. Robyn |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: Helen Date: 05 Aug 06 - 07:58 PM Nice try, : GUEST Date: 05 Aug 06 - 04:40 PM, but you obviously haven't read any of Bobert's other posts here. You got the wrong couple, I think. Bobert, how do you manage to keep your foot in your mouth while your tongue is firmly placed in your cheek? :-) Guest Bee said: "Is he reeeally takin' her out some place fun 'every week' or does he just think it ain't been that long? "Does his (and your) idea of someplace fun include tractor pulls, car races and fishing tournaments? "Is she, say, fiftyish? In which case he should just hang tight for a year or two." I think these are the most pertinent questions of this discussion. What is the P-Vine, I mean your friend's wife's, idea of fun? Have you found that out yet? Maybe she needs some Evening Primrose Oil to help her through a physiological upheaval, or MAYBE she just needs a break from the daily grind, and I really like the idea of LilyFestre's allocating a day or a chunk of time each week to spend together, and especially of taking turn-about on choosing the places to go or things to do. Tractor pulls (whatever they may be) would be bearable for me knowing that the next time I get to choose the fun things to do. One day I was in that sort of "we never do anything fun" mood and suggested to hubby that we go for a drive. We went past a turnoff about 10 kilometres from home, which we have passed more times than we can count, and I said let's go over the bridge and see what's there. It is a set of large, connected islands in the river but I never knew that it had been set up as a wetlands reserve. We drove around, got out and walked, saw some wildlife, and just had a nice time exploring. It's an area which used to house a shanty town in the Depression, and where people used to live in a little semi-isolated community, so there is a lot of history attached to the place too. I'm planning to get a group of people to go there for a picnic one day, when the weather gets a bit warmer. So, how often do you schedule fun together, and are you stuck in a rut? Or maybe she just wants to have a proper discussion about things, too. Take this seriously. Sometimes it's a request for communication. Communication is something we can take for granted and assume is happening, but maybe it's not happening as well as it could. Helen |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: Bobert Date: 05 Aug 06 - 08:32 PM Well, thankee all fir all tis wonderful advice.... Ahhhhh, I don't know how to tell ya this but, yeah, it's the P-Vine... Okay, it might have been my frind when I was askin' why womenz is so puzzled in the grocery lines when they are asked to , ahhhh, pay fir their purchases... Or even the toilet seat thing... But, yeah, this is the P-Vine (oh, the guilt...)... Ummmm, seems like her idea of fun is gettin' in the car and driving to some garden ceneter that she has heard about, have lunch at some little independent mom and pop resturant... That's what we do almost every time we go out... In the last year we have repeated this fun day probably on the average of once everty 2 weeks and many times every week... My idea of fun is findin' some little guitar shop that sells used guitars and checkin' out their invenetories and talkin' with the local musicans... We have mixed in these a couple times with her fun days... But, I'm still wonderin' what to do about my original question... Hey, I loves the P-Vine to pieces but when I know that we just did something like last week and she says, "You never take me out for fun" an' I can't remember what we did last week, it's frusterating... I mean, I guess that shows just how many fun days that we've had over the last year that they all kinda run together and I can't pull up last weeks over 3 weeks ago... (Bad answer, Bobert...) But it's true... Hey, in the last year I have bought and sold, ahhhh, 6 properties, I have moved us and 600 plants 80 miles south, I have completely renovated a house, I have recorded and relaesed a CD so, hey, I'm a tad burdened with stuff to keep up with... (Another bad answer, Bobert...) Okay, what about a jouranl or log??? Yeah, Miccelle's idea of doing fun stuff on the same day of the week ain't possible... So what about a log??? No??? Yes??? I'm perfectly serious here... Bobert (space case but buzy...) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: Helen Date: 05 Aug 06 - 09:43 PM Ok, maybe a log is a good idea if the amnesia is the problem, but I'm getting confused: is it your amnesia, or as the thread title implies, Womenz amnesia, or both? My Mum kept a little diary of fact-based stuff, e.g. went here, did that. There were only a few lines of space per day so it didn't allow for any more detail, but then she could look back and remember where they were, what they were doing etc. I think it jumped up and bit her later, when she was nearing the end of her life, because she would go back and re-read it and seemed to be living a little in the past, but she was always a reliable source of info about when things happened because she had it all written down. I started, in my last posting, to write about the house renovating thing, which we have also been doing to a rental property for the past 8 months, and how it takes over your life, but I deleted it because I thought I was rambling a bit. But I know how that really chokes the life out of having time to go out & do fun things. A calendar on the wall with a note about where you went each time would be a neat reminder of the fun times too. Helen |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: freda underhill Date: 05 Aug 06 - 10:22 PM I spent fourteen years living with a kind, busy, and talented musician. The busy was what did it. We live next door to each other now, and are close friends. We help each other out, he comes to all the family celebrations, and we have joint custody of the cat. Works for me. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: LilyFestre Date: 05 Aug 06 - 10:39 PM Yep, a calendar is a neat reminder of what you have done throughout the year. I use mine to make note of things that need to be done on certain days and also for what I've done on that day...never anything of length...might say, went to lunch with Mom or spent day at home or Hubby and I went to Ithaca...whatever! And Bobert, not that it's any of my business, but I thought the two of you were retired...so for the life of me, I can't figure out how it is you are unable to set aside a day for one another (if that doesn't work for you or you don't like the idea, that's ok...just wondering how you don't have the time). Also, has your wife made any new friends in the area that share the same likes? She might enjoy a day out with them! Personally, I'm not into guitars (tried that, not coordinated enough) and I am easily bored at guitar shops but I do go with my husband and humor him just as he humors me at the violin shoppe. I suppose marriage is like that though...give and take. One summer I went to a Metallica concert of his chosing and he went to the Lilith Fair with me...LOL...if that isn't give and take, I don't know what is!!! *G* Michelle |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: LilyFestre Date: 05 Aug 06 - 11:01 PM I see a man asking for help to make both himself and his wife happy. What I don't see, is anything wrong with that at all. I think the Guest from before may have had some valid points, although I don't agree with all of it. Since Bobert and his wife have recently moved to a new town, maybe she is needing more attention because she hasn't made many new friends yet. That kind of thing takes time. She very well may be bored, who knows? Instead of saying this is wrong and that is wrong, how about offering some useful suggestions. I don't think it's anyone's place to tell another to end a marriage...that is between the two that are married and no one else's. Michelle |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: GUEST Date: 06 Aug 06 - 09:57 AM Wrong sugar lips! Bobert's friend needs to see what people other than the Pollyannas, think. Gettin' all PC about giving one's opinion to someone who puts his personal business in the street makes no sense to me. So I'll keep tellin' Bobert's friend just exactly what I think when he asks for advice. But if you think its his responsiblity to keep her from being bored, hey go ahead and say so! Imagine a grown woman complaining about moving to a new town and not doing something about it herself. Bobert should a married Alice! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: GUEST,Bee Date: 06 Aug 06 - 10:53 AM Well, Guest, we haven't heard from the other side, just from Bobert's POV. How much of all the moving, renovating, cleaning, packing, plus cooking, house maintaining has the P-Vine had to do? For all we know, both of these people are exhausted and getting cranky by now. Seems a bit harsh to assume the worst about this woman who has had no opportunity to present her end of the story. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: Liz the Squeak Date: 07 Aug 06 - 09:03 AM Ya know.. I was going to post something really erudite and pertinent to this thread... forgot to do it and now I can't remember what it was.... Ho hum. LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: Bobert Date: 07 Aug 06 - 10:13 AM Well, yeah, I thought I was retired but in reality I just have a new job... Okay, I do have some freedoms that I didn't use to have but I have more work now then before the move... A lot more work... And, yeah, the P-Vine hasn't until recently hooked up with too many of the townies and she finds 'um clickish... Becuase of my performin' and my renovations in town I know lots of people and I'm sure that creates some feelings of envy on her part... I mean, we go to townh and I'm sayin' "Hey" to people that she ain't never laid eyes on... As fir the work load, we both are Type A people so we stay on task and we do share the gardening chores so I wouldn't say that she could feel anyway put upon... I like the idea of the calendar... We allready keep the claendar handy for plannin' stuff but not for the fun days... That might be the best solution... I'll suggest it to the P-Vine an' see how she feels about it... It shi nuff would help keep things in some perspective and a lot betyter than gettin' frusterated at not rememberin' where we went last week... Hope she don't take it wrong, though... Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: LilyFestre Date: 07 Aug 06 - 11:01 AM Bobert, It's all in the presentation. Instead of making an issue of using a calendar to remind you of where you forgot you were, how about a nice remembrance of where you were and the good times you had. I keep my calendars each year. On rainy days and when you are in a days gone by kind of mood, they are fun to look at. Sometimes I look at mine and wonder how the heck I ever found time to sleep! I bet you'll do the same. Has the P-Vine looked into any kinds of gardening clubs? With all the gardening you guys do, I bet she is a wealth of information and would find that folks would be very interested in what she has to share. Just a thought. Michelle |
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Subject: RE: BS: Womenz Amnesia Question???.... From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge Date: 07 Aug 06 - 12:47 PM There is one thing you must be made aware of, Bobert, and it is this: A woman never forgets anything important. As for the other stuff, who cares? * PR |
