BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.

Subject: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: Peace
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 10:54 AM

I got to thinking about million dollar ideas I have had that people laughed at me for. For example, I had the notion one day to get salmon eggs--OK, roe--and hatch them in my toilet. Because salmon return to their place of birth to spawn, I figured it would be a neat way to get salmon very conveniently. A 'larder in the can' as it were.

My new idea is to have a traveling outhouse--maybe even a whole FLEET of them. Think about it. It's a money maker for sure. I figure with the toilets tied up with the salmon industry, people are gonna need a place to take care of stuff--if you catch my drift. This could be a franchise thing. People who haven't crapped in a few days will pay top dollar for a place to go. And the spin-off merchandise would be a windfall. Personalized toilet paper, a butler or butlerette to deliver the tissue: the possibilities are virtually endless. Maybe even a 'pictures developed while you wait' kinda thing. A momento of your visit to "Poop Palace" or some such name. Make it catchy so it attracts a loyal following. Heck, everyone has to take a dump now and then.

Do you have any similar notions you might care to post? Mudcatters are resourceful people who are always on the lookout for new ideas. If any of you want to 'go' with this, please do so with my blessing. Just cut me in for ten percent. Cash. No cheques.

BM (See? Even my initials are a natural for this kinda business.)

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: MMario
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 11:17 AM

Orillia already has you beat.

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 11:23 AM

Hey Brucie, my initials are PWC which makes me a natural for this. How about the name "THE CRAPETERIA" for this enterprise. That way we could sell snacks with the loo rolls and encourage more business.

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: catspaw49
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 11:32 AM

Not too new here brucie......Ya'see, Paw, Cletus, Buford, and the Reg Boys have had a business for years named Crappers on Casters." You can read in THIS STORY about how they sorta' lost one of theirs they had been good enough to provide for the Gala Fireworks Display to save Brother khandu from the evil clutches of Joe Offer worship.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: Peace
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 11:38 AM

Mingulay: Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Loo rolls for the environmentally conscious. Use both sides. The snacks then open the door for the sale of either latex gloves--the medical kind--or soap and water with a towel. Monsieur et madame cannot dine with unwashed hands.

MMario: I have seen the photos, but we are not beat. Those commodes are in one place. We will collect and deliver (or deliver then collect) at the place of your choosing. A specialized service for people on the go. You have your constitutional at say 7:15 AM. We arrive with the loo at 7:10 and stay until business is completed.

We will make lotsa money, IMO. Lots.

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: Peace
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 11:39 AM

Oh. I am crushed.

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: Peace
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 11:40 AM

Cut Spaw in for another 10%. (I shoulda known.)

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 11:42 AM

Portacrapper comes with Pod, to keep the rest of yor sh*t in.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 12:10 PM

Could some be turned 90 degrees -- horizontally oriented, instead of vertically -- to accomodate the canoeing/whitewater/surfing/boating crowd? Not to mention luge and sledding fanatics....

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: Mooh
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 12:15 PM

Don't forget the additional hole for ice fishing, salmon only returning to the stream (so to speak) in autumn. Mooh.

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: Peace
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 12:38 PM

Put one of these babies in a semi and we could offer 'drive through' service. "Hotshot Service. Tell us where you are and we will meet you on the road. No load too big; not load too small. Confidentiality assured. Your sh#t is safe with us!"

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 12:45 PM

Wait a minute -- is that $1,000,000 US, Canadian, or Australian?

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: Peace
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 12:58 PM

Good question. Get us the best deal and you're in for 10%.

Hey, how's this for a slogan for national television:

"We are PROUD to take sh#t from you."

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 01:01 PM

What a great idea. My money is in the post.

Pete

PS. How much for some o' that roe?

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: CarolC
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 07:29 PM

Here you go, brucie

...and here's the mother lode

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: Peace
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 07:30 PM

I can sing sheila for you. That's all I know about roe. But keep thinkin', 'cause we're onto something BIG here, Pete.

Pete's in for 10% also.

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: Peace
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 07:32 PM

Carol's in for 10%. Way to go, Carol. There's gold in them thar hills. LOTS OF GOLD!

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: Bobert
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 07:57 PM

Well, this ain't got nuthin' to do with buildin' a bigger and better sh*thouse but...

... back 'round '97 when my poor couzin Rufus lost the back half of his double wide in a bet over a danged high school football game and Scottie came and got it, well, since the bathroom was in the back half he lost his bathroom so...

... just after returnin' from the K-Mart with several blue tarps to keep the critters out of the front half, ol' Rufus dug him a big hole and with the help of his drinkin' buddies and some ol' barn lumber that Raplh Tatt donated, in just two days he had him one of the finest privies in Wes Ginny. Better than any of them ol' Roosevelt privies that the government built back before the Big War.

Well, it was so nice that his wife, the sweet Retha May, spent many an hour in there puttin' up curtains and tackin' down some of that green indoor-outhouse carpet and had it looking purdy spiffy...

I think it was 'bout three years ago, maybe four, and we had a terrible snow storm up in this holler and folks lectrical was out everywhere and folks was burnin' whatever they could to stay warm and Rufus and Retha May had burnt up theit last dry wood and there weren't no more dry wood to be found... the temps were going down, down, down and other that the couch and the tv there weren't nuthin' left to burn... Well, except for that privy...

Now I'm here to tell ya' that I'd hate to ever have to make a choice between a privy and a little heat but these folks did... Sho nuff, they did... an' so Rufus took his chainsaw out back, up thru the little paths that he'd shoveled out in the snow and cut that privy up one board at a time and thowed 'um in the woodstove in the half a double wide with the blue tarp back on it...

And to this very day I've struggled trying to find a moral to this story, as has ol' Rufus and Retha May but sometimes ya just gotta leave it alone... but swear off bettin' on dumb football games.

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: Peace
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 08:17 PM

My Uncle Mike as a youth--with some teenaged friends--took Mr Sch****e's little brown shack and put it in the lake. Mr S wasn't in it at the time--either the lake or the privy. However, when he went out to address a call of nature, he slipped into the hole and got covered in ya know from his feet halfway to his knees.

It wasn't until Mr S was in the nursing home that my uncle told him. He had been mad for weeks about that. Kept seeing his privy bobbin' in the lake and kept wonderin' how it got there.

Back to business for a sec: there's a man who could have used a service like the one we're discussing here.

Bobert can land the accounts in West Virginia where, I imagine, people are as full of it as everywhere else in North America. Bobert's in for 10%, too.

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: Peace
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 08:23 PM

OK,let's get the books up to date.

MMario
Mingulay
catspaw49
WYSIWYG
Rapaire
Mooh
Pete
CarolC
Bobert
Brucie

There's ten of us at 10% each, so we are well on our way to having a full crew. If we treat the cash like governments treat taxpayers money, we still have enough percentages left to bring twenty or thirty more people aboard. Lookin' good.

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: open mike
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 03:06 AM

b.s. is right...and by b.m.--whoa!
here is a book called the specialist by chic sale
http://www.chicsale.net/page02.htm
http://www.jldr.com/faqs.html
http://www.jldr.com/ohindex.shtml
i once had a calendar with pictures of out houses
it was nailed to the wall in my....yes, you guessed it,
outhouse.
see here for info including outhouse races!!
http://www.jldr.com/ohindex.shtml#tour
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0896585980/102-4413744-8105743?v=glance
http://www.outhousemuseum.com/gift_books.html
for those of you not in the know...the "th" is the word
outhouse is not a dipthong (with apologies to JimmyT)
is is out-house....

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: GUEST,Paul Burke
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 03:41 AM

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: GUEST,Paul Burke
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 03:44 AM

Bloody return key.

You are too late I'm afraid. Prior art. See Flann O'Brien's "The Hard Life", which revolves in part around the Black Trams, (streetcars left of the water) which were to provide precisely the service you propose.

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 04:08 AM

Doncha' just love a smart arse?

New idea. Peripatetic arsehole valeting service - high pressure jetting and blow drying. Shotblast removal of chilli and curry leftovers.

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: open mike
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 05:40 AM

i kid you not...here is the actual design of teh checks i use..
i propose this design be the logo for letterhead and business
account for this venture...
http://www.designerchecks.com/Shop/Check.asp?DesignID=8049

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 09:02 AM

There is a book (photographs) called "Outhouses of Alaska." Since Alberta and BM are north, far north, of me and Alaska is farther north of BM, you'd think that the outhouses in Alaska would be insulated, fur-lined, heated, and equipped with warm blankets, but they're not. I've been in 'em and I know.

Now right at the moment we in Idaho are enduring a blast of cold Albertan air, and yesterday we had SNOW! courtesy of the same air. And if Alberta is as cold as the used air they send us, the outhouses there must surely be warmly outfitted. If real, honest to God, Albertan outhouses were available to the elk, duck and other hunters and to the fisherfolk (ice and sane) here in Idaho, you could wipe up the competion -- nobody would use anything else.

Put me in for another share. I'll pay the bribes to the officials myself.

And unless Alaska Mike or Ebbie get into this, I'll take the Alaska franchise as well.

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 10:12 AM

Brucie....... you've got too much time on your hands .....

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 10:30 AM

Seems to me Midchuck's son-in-law had a similar idea a few years back at Old Songs. Peter was bitching about how far he had to trek everytime he needed to go so ...his accomodating in-law took his pick-up over to the Porta Potties and stole one. Planted it right in front of Midchuck's tent. But he did it free of charge. Check out the Old Songs threads for details.

NYC did a trial for Potties on Wheels. For a quarter you could pee right on Madison Ave. Then when you vacated the room, a giant SWOOOOSH would sanitize it for the next customer. I always wondered what would happen if instead of letting the door close you held it for the next person and they got in on your quarter. SWOOOSH! down the sewer system with the alligators?

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 11:00 AM

Now that's given me a new idea, Sins.

Hey Brucie, how about some optional extras, e.g. an anti-gator trap for the paranoid? Surely we could flog that for a couple of grand at least and it'd only need a sticker saying "Fitted with a custom made anti-gator trap" cos no-one would ever find out there actually wasn't one and if even they did they wouldn't be around to sue us!

Pete

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 11:42 AM

Gotta clean out the spiders -- hobo, black widow, brown recluse -- every so often, too. A spider bite on -- dangling stuff -- is not only painfull, but embarassing and the will make you the butt of jokes in the Emergency Room.

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 11:48 AM

Anti-spider device an optional extra! Yours for only $2,500! Simply fill container with our custom-made anti-spider fluid (only $55 a litre - one litre last approx one month with average usage of the facility) and you may sit in peace (SIT I said!).


(or is $55 a bit steep for tap water?)

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 11:55 AM

As it's Christmas all I can say is,
God Messed ye Jerry Rental Men!!
Thank you and good night.
Giok ;~)

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 11:57 AM

Can we have a speaker installed under the seat? I want to be able to say into a microphone, "Hey! Have a care, buddy, we're working down here!"

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: gnu
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 02:01 PM

"...insulated, fur-lined, heated, and equipped with warm blankets, but they're not. I've been in 'em and I know." Goodness gracious!!! No can do. If you did, the required ventilation in the deposit chamber would create enough frost on the seat to seal it shut (or seal something else shut), thereby causing one to revert to the big shitter, wind and all. Nope, my up country facility is equipped with a 25mm styrofoam board with the hole cut appropriately. Simply place the board in the proper position during cold weather after raising the cover and seat and enjoy. Hint... have two boards available.

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 02:47 PM

Obviously, gnu, you don't build yours right. Besides, a simple modification of an engine block heater will work wonders.

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: gnu
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 02:57 PM

Block heater ?? Please do explain. And as far as not building mine right, how can you build a shitter without ventilation ?

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: Peace
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 03:55 PM

A fellow walked--no, he staggered--into the bar last night. He had to use the facilities. The bartender directed him to the men's room. About a minute later a piercing scream came from the room. It was followed about ten seconds later by another wail of agony. We began to run to the bathroom. Another scream greeted us as we went through the door. The fellow was sitting down and he had tears in his eyes. The bartender asked him what was the matter. The fellow said, "I tried flushing the toilet three times, and something kept grabbing my testicles and crushing them." The bartender replied, "You stuipd a55hole, you're sitting on the mop bucket!"

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: CarolC
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 04:18 PM

Seems like the mop pole stuck up his ass would clue him in a bit.

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 06:47 AM

Maybe the fellow had a job like mine where a short handled broom is stuck up the arse so that you can sweep as you walk. Feelings go after a while.

Subject: RE: BS: Traveling Outhouses--$1,000,000 Idea.
From: Charley Noble
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 12:59 PM

I apologize for posting so late to this thread, especially since all the good bits have already been said. However, I would like to point out that my sea music group holds the legal title to the perfect name for your franchise: Roll & Go, Inc.

We should talk!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble