BS: Harpmaker's Organ

Subject: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Bobjack
Date: 01 Mar 04 - 04:47 AM

There has been many a thread devoted to hip replacements etc etc. But none about the problems of the smaller gentleman. Some of you are aware of John's predicament as he has posted several times in a desparate plea to share his problems with similar small men, but to no avail.
       The good news is that the NHS has coughed up and the operation takes place today! Good luck with your 'extension' harpy!

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: GUEST,Dave Watts
Date: 01 Mar 04 - 05:30 AM

Good luck John. I wish I was brave enough to follow your example.

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: GUEST,bong
Date: 01 Mar 04 - 09:38 AM

I know harpmaker quite well and find myself surprised to read of his problem in the trouser snake department. Hope the enlargement goes as planned.

Paul.

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 04 - 09:54 AM

Codwallop of the first order!

:>)

A

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: el ted
Date: 01 Mar 04 - 09:54 AM

Poor chap! You could have a bit of mine, I have way more than I need.

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Sweetfia
Date: 01 Mar 04 - 10:41 AM

Good luck Harpy, i'm sure Chris will be delighted!

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 01 Mar 04 - 10:52 AM

It's nice to hear some good news for a change, things are looking up.

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Bobjack
Date: 01 Mar 04 - 10:55 AM

He hopes it will dave.

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Sweetfia
Date: 01 Mar 04 - 10:55 AM

I'm glad that hearing about Harpy's member has made you happy, i respect you so much more now Dave.

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 01 Mar 04 - 11:13 AM

Here's hoping the little fellow (oops, sorry) has a great recovery and is back in the groove (so to speak) quickly!

Salute!

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 01 Mar 04 - 11:37 AM

A new member for the Mudcat recovery ward.

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: el ted
Date: 01 Mar 04 - 11:40 AM

Who is Chris? Is he John's boyfriend?

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Mar 04 - 11:43 AM

They make sweet music together & pull each others strings

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: GUEST,G String
Date: 01 Mar 04 - 11:47 AM

El Ted, where in Holland do you live ?

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: el ted
Date: 01 Mar 04 - 12:07 PM

I live in Austria G string. Any news on the enhanced peepee?

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Bobjack
Date: 01 Mar 04 - 12:34 PM

Bad news everyone. Apparently the organ is too small to extend, so a transplant is John's only hope of ever having a "normal" life. The surgeon is looking for a donor Gorilla. I will keep you all informed.

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Wolfgang
Date: 01 Mar 04 - 01:11 PM

.....Frau Gorilla die hält still
wenn er sie mal küssen will
wenn er will, ja dann willa (=will er),
mein Gorilla, hat 'ne Villa im Zoo.

Wolfgang

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: harpmaker
Date: 01 Mar 04 - 05:55 PM

Many thanks to all concearned, I decided to go for 'this big bugger'

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 01 Mar 04 - 07:06 PM

MAKE PENIS FAST! - or 50,000 inches of penis....

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 02 Mar 04 - 05:08 AM

I decided to go for 'this big bugger'

- I wouldn't want to be buggered by that !

As I've told you before, if you can pee in a urinal and still miss your trousers and shoes then it's long enough for the task that it has to perform most of the time. As far as the other use goes, you've always got the excuse that you need your partner's help in finding it - and that could be fun !

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Bobjack
Date: 02 Mar 04 - 05:22 AM

You could never ride a bicycle again with such huge piano shaped genetalia could you? I think he should wait for the right donor gorilla.

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Micca
Date: 02 Mar 04 - 06:34 AM

To quote the Late Great Jake Thackray(translating George Brassens)
" Through the bars of a large enclosure
the village maidens intently stared
where a Gorilla with massive composure
was impassively combing his hair
they were shamelessly interested
eyeing devoutly a certain spot
but my mothers especially requested
I refrain from telling you what
Brother Gorilla"

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: EBarnacle
Date: 02 Mar 04 - 02:55 PM

Perhaps he is going for the wrong transplant.

Consider that, according to medical research, the average vagina can accomodate, without discomfort, about 4 cm more of penis than it normally receives. With about 4 million women in New York alone, that means that there are about 16 million centimetres of unused vagina in New York. That means 160 kilometres of unused vagina.

Perhaps a sex change is needed, rather than a transplant.

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Amos
Date: 02 Mar 04 - 02:59 PM

EB:

They may not seem unused to the owners, y'know -- just because a lawn isn't used for grazing doesn't mean it isn't enjoyed as it is!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 02 Mar 04 - 06:59 PM

Harpmaker, according to EBarnacle I think it's time to move to New York.

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Peace
Date: 02 Mar 04 - 11:34 PM

Regarding a 'donar gorilla': Get in touch with Little Hawk and ask how Chongo's been feeling lately.

John, you'll have to pay more attention. You've had it folded in half for years. Should have struck you when you kept peeing on your shirt.

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Gillie
Date: 03 Mar 04 - 05:11 AM

It is not the size that metters it is what you do with it!!! ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Bobjack
Date: 03 Mar 04 - 05:17 AM

True. But john's is small AND useless.

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 03 Mar 04 - 06:44 AM

It is not the size that matters it is what you do with it

Women always say that, but if it's true why are all the vibrators and dildos in Ann Summers so big ?

If harpmaker's coming to the Eurogathering, perhaps we should hold a penile enlargement workshop - Linda might be willing to lend a hand.

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 03 Mar 04 - 07:20 AM

£57 cheap at half the price

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Bobjack
Date: 03 Mar 04 - 10:58 AM

You would not pay £57 for a folk festival Dave! You would sneak in in Dereck's handbag.

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: el ted
Date: 04 Mar 04 - 09:19 AM

Can he still play the harp now that he has to stretch out to hold it?

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: KJ
Date: 04 Mar 04 - 02:10 PM

Might find a few ideas here harpmaker.

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Mar 04 - 03:50 PM

Try ginding in circles instead of thrusting, then you might hit the clitoris!!!! Then who cares about size.

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Peace
Date: 04 Mar 04 - 08:49 PM

Hey, the ejaculation statement in the ad is wrong, stands to reason. If the length increases, then the hydraulics involved will change. Let's look at it this way: (let me rephrase that): Let's consider it in the following manner: Head pressure (ah, this is gonna be difficult): The liquid ejecting from the end of the tube will decrease slightly in pressure assuming all other conditions remain the same. If the equation looked like this--hp = tp x bp, then Einstein was close to correct. However, if the parameters of the restricting device are changed, then we have a whole new ballgame. The above equation is head pressure is equal to testicular pressure multiplied by blood pressure. Anyway, I think it's a stupid idea to tie boulders to your peepee.

The easiest solution is to measure it in centimeters.

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Bobjack
Date: 05 Mar 04 - 04:12 AM

You have too much time on your hands brucie!

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 05 Mar 04 - 05:01 AM

On those odd ocasions where one has forgotten to do up ones flies, what is the most emabassing scenario ?

(a) Your penis is in very obvious view.

(b) There is nothing to be seen.

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Sweetfia
Date: 05 Mar 04 - 06:05 AM

Ooo, that's a toughie...!

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 05 Mar 04 - 07:29 AM

I wish that was what the ladies did say about me in case (a), but I think I'd be kidding myself.

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: GUEST,christine
Date: 05 Mar 04 - 09:22 AM

as john's long term partner i am extremely pleased with his organ transplant. it is SO much better than the original, and am glad he went for the Technics dual manual organ because i don't have to pretend to have a headache anymore.

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 05 Mar 04 - 11:09 AM

dual manual organ does that mean ambidextrous masturbation ?

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Bobjack
Date: 05 Mar 04 - 11:33 AM

Sorry Dave, christine has not explained herself very well. As john's "organ" was useless, he opted to have a full scale Technics electronic organ grafted on in place of his miserable peepee.Now they can play duets together in bed instead of just fumbling about. Might get one myself actually.........

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: harpmaker
Date: 05 Mar 04 - 02:56 PM

You would be better off Bobjack, better than fumbling around on that nylon strung piece of crap you call a guitar!! & Christine, where are you posting from? You'd better get ome NOW, there's some washing & ironing to do---the bairns are doin' me ed in, & I wana go down the pub!!

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Bobjack
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 09:50 AM

I have seen it. It is magnificent. Bit difficult getting him through the rather narrow door of the Tap and Spile last saturday though.

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 11:41 AM

Harpy was sat in Spring Bank Tavern but still in Tap and Spile.

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Bobjack
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 12:15 PM

Christine looked rather contented didn't she? Harpy played my guitar like a knobend when she sang though.

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 12:25 PM

Christ - it's going to cost him a fortune to buy y-fronts that will fit round that - or is it much smaller when it's flaccid ? - and won't getting it wet in the shower screw it up ?

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Bobjack
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 12:28 PM

a) he wears a kilt.
B) no
C) john doesn't bathe or shower.

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: Peace
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 06:26 PM

Well, kilt or no, he'd better tie it to 'is leg or risk tripping over it. It's a good thing there are CDs now, because from the way you are talking, he'd never have got it on an album cover.

Subject: RE: BS: Harpmaker's Organ
From: harpmaker
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 07:31 PM

Its true that very small males will post here, Its the oppersite thats true, so they have to have a go, I can't help having a bi--un.