Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible

Subject: five constipated men
From:
Date: 07 Apr 97 - 02:24 PM

(the other 5 are in the database)

and the sixth (sixth) constipated man
was Titus, his name speaks for itself.

==============

I heard up to 8 verses to this, but I
could never remember them (English isn't
my native language). Anyone knows them
by any chance?

Charles

---

Click for lyrics in the Digital Tradition

Subject: RE: five constipated men
From:
Date: 07 Apr 97 - 09:10 PM

The first constapated man was Baleb, he couldnt move his ass. The second Cain, he wasnt "Able". The third was Moses, He took the tablets. The fourth was Soloman, he sat for forty years. The fifth was Sampson, he brought the house down.

I heard another verse with Noah, he sat for 40 days and all he passed was water.

Hope this helps. Dave

Subject: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From:
Date: 30 Jun 97 - 06:37 AM

Time to get weird! I can barely remember a few snippits of this song from childhood. One verse went " the 5th constipated man was Moses...he took two tablets". I also remenber that Noah had a "boat full". If you remenber the rest, please let me know!!! ThaNKS! JESTER!

Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: Bill D
Date: 30 Jun 97 - 09:05 AM

never doubt the Digitrad Database...of course we have that!! go to the upper right corner of your screen & search for 'constipated'

(BTW -it's only 5 constipated men....there were 7 or more old ladies locked in the lavatory!)

Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: Bob Clayton
Date: 30 Jun 97 - 02:59 PM

Interesting -- the original poster, Jester, mentioned Noah, who's NOT among the five that Bill D mentioned. Those five are:

Cain (he wasn't Abel) Moses (he took the tablets) Baalam (he couldn't move hi ass) Sampson (he brought the house down) and Solomon (he sat for forty years)

With the addition of Noah, we have six. Any contributions? Perhaps we can actually get all ten that Jester specified.

Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: Bill Habel
Date: 18 Jul 97 - 12:16 AM

King David---- Sat on the throne for forty years! Barruch------- His ass was tied to a tree ! Then there was one -------Paul's friend Titus! the rest plus these three are what I learned recently Bill

Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Aug 01 - 07:50 AM

we sang it at a NFTY event this past week... there was Noah "He had an ark full" and Moses "He took two tablets" and Pharaoh "He wouldn't let it go" and David "He fought a Giant" or somethign liek that... I can't remember the rest.

Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: MMario
Date: 27 Aug 01 - 08:30 AM

Joshua - blew the walls down

Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: MMario
Date: 27 Aug 01 - 08:48 AM

And of course, the one constipated woman in the bible - Eve - she passed the apple.

Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Aug 01 - 09:07 AM

LOL!

Can't we do something with poor Job's ash pile?

~S~

Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: SharonA
Date: 27 Aug 01 - 03:17 PM

The only joke along this line that I remember is about the shortest man in the Bible: Bildad the Shuhite (shoe height).

Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: Banjer
Date: 28 Aug 01 - 03:24 AM

It must have been Barruch then who proved that human skin is the most elastic thing in the world. It has been said that he tied his ass to a tree and walked another forty miles!

Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: SharonA
Date: 28 Aug 01 - 09:42 AM

Talk about your stretch marks!

Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 28 Aug 01 - 10:37 AM

Adam lay y bounden..... 4000 winters thought he not too long....

Ooooooh

LTS

Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: Matthew B.
Date: 28 Aug 01 - 10:48 PM

Here are the ones I like to use (we like making up new ones)

Adam - he soiled the garden
Cain - he wasn't Able
David - he threw a stone
Balaam - he couldn't move his ass
Noah - he filled the ark (and passed water for 40 days)
Moses - he took the tablets
Samson - he blew the house down
Solomon - he sat for forty years

Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: The Walrus at work
Date: 29 Aug 01 - 08:46 AM

OFF TOPIC

Sharon A,

To match your "Shortest man in the Bible", the Bible's forst motorcyclist was King David - The sound of his Triumph was heard throughout the land.

Best Wishes

Walrus

Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 29 Aug 01 - 11:55 AM

I thought it was Moses' Truimph.....

The oldest Icecream firm? Walls of Jericho!

LTS

Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: Matthew B.
Date: 29 Aug 01 - 09:18 PM

oops, forgot - Joshua; he blew the walls down

Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: alison
Date: 29 Aug 01 - 11:41 PM

1st baseball game in the bible? Gen 1:1 In the "big inning"....

couldn't resist

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: Dunc
Date: 30 Aug 01 - 04:56 AM

This is a new one on me - but it involves toilet humour so it gets my vote.
What tune does this great song get sung to?

Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: Snuffy
Date: 30 Aug 01 - 09:05 AM

Tune is Quartermasters Store

Wassail! V

Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: Matthew B.
Date: 30 Aug 01 - 07:25 PM

The tune I use is not like any other I know.

Helpful, huh?

Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: Joe Offer
Date: 30 Aug 01 - 08:23 PM

I think Snuffy's right in saying the tune is the "Quartermaster's Store." We have it in the Digital Tradition as Quartermaster Corps (click), with tune.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: GUEST,bdogmv99
Date: 21 Sep 02 - 09:14 PM

There were ten, ten constipated men in the bible.
1st was cain, he wasn't abel,
Solomon sat for 40 years.
Then came Adam,he soiled the garden.
Next was David, he threw a stone,
Balaam couldn't move his ass.
And Noah he filled the ark.
Soon was Moses, he took the tablets,
Samson he knocked the house down.
Joshua, he blew the wall down.
Next was King David, his sound of his Triumph was heard throughout the land.
Those are the ten, ten constipated men in the bible.

Subject: RE: LYR/REQ: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: Leadfingers
Date: 21 Sep 02 - 09:29 PM

The clean version of the ladies has them 'Nattering Happily',rather than locked in the lavatory.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 22 Sep 02 - 03:20 AM

The version of ladies in the lavatory I knew (and consequently forgot a long time ago) had 7, and had the splendid verse:

The first two were off to have tea with the vicar
They went in together, they thought it'd be quicker
The lavatory door was a bit of a sticker,
So Vicar had tea all alone....

LTS

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: Mr Red
Date: 22 Sep 02 - 03:34 AM

now which biblical (non-constipated) character said "It's dire here"?
Was it Jonah? - I think his bowel movements would have been decidedly loose when he "made his him in that fishes abdomen" - cue for a song?
I seem to remember Lott's wife was considered loose.......

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: Snuffy
Date: 22 Sep 02 - 09:38 AM

Cosher Bailey's brother Dyer
Tried to join the chapel choir
But the minister said "No fear,
We don't want no Dyer 'ere."

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 22 Sep 02 - 11:39 AM

I thought the line for David was "David dropped a big one"!

Nigel

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: Nerd
Date: 22 Sep 02 - 09:26 PM

But if David "dropped a big one" and Noah "filled the ark" then they wouldn't be constipated, right?

I heard it with 5 men: Cain, Moses, Balaam, Samson, Solomon. These are still the ones that make the most sense...the others seem to be crapping their hearts out by filling arks and soiling gardens and the like!

I also heard the Noah verse, but it was an obvious add-on, because to make it fit the tune you had to change the pattern of repetition. Where an ordinary verse went:
The first, first constipated man
Was Cain: he wasn't able!
The first, first constipated man
Was Cain: he was not able!

The Noah verse went:

The sixth, sixth consitpated man
Was Noah, Was Noah
He Saied around the world for forty days,
and all he passed was water!

BTW: what about casting your bread upon the waters? Is that not the same as pitching a loaf?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: GUEST,James
Date: 22 Dec 05 - 04:18 PM

Cain, he was not Abel,
Samson, he brought the house down,
Solomon, he sat for forty years,
Moses, he took the tablets,
Titus, his name speaks for itself,
Balaam, he couldnt shift his ass,
Peter, he was like a rock,
Jesus, he cleared the temple.

Had another two, but cant remember what they were.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: Juan P-B
Date: 23 Dec 05 - 10:07 AM

The first mention of computers is in the Bible

Adam gave Eve an Apple so she played with his Wang

Season's Greetings my fellow 'catters

Juan P-B

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: GUEST,hi
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 05:15 PM

ý wonderfull DAVÝD COSHER

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: GUEST,Joe_F
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 09:00 PM

The other shortest men in the Bible were Ne-Hi-Miah and he who had not, and even that which he had was taken away.

--- Joe Fineman    [e-mail]

||: A little of what you fancy does you good. :||

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The 10 Constipated Men in the Bible
From: GUEST,Kaellie
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 03:49 PM

Adam, he soiled the garden
Cain, he was unAbel,
Samson, he brought the house down,
Balaam, he couldnt shift his ass,
Pharaoh he wouldn't let it go
Moses, he took two tablets,
Solomon, he sat for forty years,
Noah, he filled the ark
Titus, his name speaks for itself,
Jesus, he cleared the temple.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The 10 Constipated Men in the Bible
From: Valmai Goodyear
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 06:27 AM

No doubt everyone knows that religious movements are produced by mixing holy water and prune juice.

By the way, Moses must have worn a wig, because sometimes he was seen with Aaron and sometimes without.

Valmai (Lewes)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The 10 Constipated Men in the Bible
From: GUEST,Dr Price
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 12:23 PM

In the 1970s, I stayed with Royston Wood in Leiston, Suffolk. Holly Tannen, the Californian dulcimer player, was a resident. The Young Tradition had just broken up, and Royston told me he had this great song from America called The Five Constipated Men. He said no-one had heard of it, and I listened while he sang it:

"There were five, five constipated men
In the Bible, In the Bible
There were five, five constipated men
In the five good books of Moses."

The first, first constipated man
He was Cain, he was not Abel
The first, first constipated man
He was Cain, he was not Abel."

Moses - he took the tablets
Balaam - he couldn't move his ass
Solomon - he sat for forty years
Samson - he brought the house down

I started singing it in the folk clubs, and Owen Jones from Monmouth (now of Birmingham) picked it up. It spread like wildfire. Then Pat joined me and we started playing as Calennig - and Five Constipated Men got dropped. We'd had enough of it by then.

Eventually Royston went to live in White Plains, New York, where he was tragically killed by a car. I visited him in White Plains, and I thanked him for letting me sing his song.

Thanks, Mudcatters, for jogging my memory!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: GUEST,Siviyo
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 04:42 PM

Misogynists! You're forgetting: There was Esther- she sat in the women's house.

I also remember Jonah- he had a whale of a time

I remember Rabbi Steve singing this one at NFTY events.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: GUEST,BB
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 12:47 PM

I just saw Joe Hickerson at a house concert on Sunday, and he sang this song, which I had first heard him sing in 1974. At the house concert, he named his source - from the early 1970s - as Margie Steiner (or is it "Margi?", or "Stiner?") and said that she was a blind woman. He was so happy to have finally learned a song from a blind woman! Or... was he just pulling our legs???

Anyway, he still uses just the Five men, but said others have come up with more constipated men since he first heard the song.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: Songster Bob
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 01:45 PM

[To match your "Shortest man in the Bible", the Bible's first motorcyclist was King David - "The sound of his Triumph was heard throughout the land."]


Ah, but what was the first automobile mentioned in the Bible?

... a Plymouth, for we read, in Genesis,

"And God, in his Fury, drove them from the garden."

My wife's cousin has a wonderful (and huge) folk-art painting of this passage from the good book.


Bob Clayton

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: GUEST,Mira Nassif
Date: 20 Mar 07 - 11:04 AM

And the ... His name was Noah, he filled the arch

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: GUEST
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 06:02 PM

So, the general list seems to be . . .

Adam soiled the garden (does this count as constipated?)

Cain wasn't Abel

Noah for 40 days passed only water

Balaam couldn't move his ass (sounds more like he's stuck than constipated)

Moses ran all the way up the hill and had to take two tablets (this was the version the camp kids did)

Solomon sat on the throne for 40 years

Sampson brought the house down (again, constipated?)

Barruch's ass was tied to a tree (does that make one constipated or just have to hold it?)

Pharoah wouldn't let them go (wouldn't or couldn't?)

Joshua blew the walls down (isn't this the end of the constipation?)

David threw a stone (ouch.)

Peter was like a rock

Titus' name speaks for itself

Jesus cleared the temple (is this constipation or excessive gas?)

Did I miss any?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 06:17 PM

So have you all managed to 'get it all out' now then? Is everyone 'clear'. Was it all just a 'flash in the pan' or have you gone 'round the bend. Did anyone have a constipated brain (ie mental block)?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: SharonA
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 06:32 PM

Then there was Judas, who held what was put therein.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: SharonA
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 07:12 PM

And then there was.... dare I say it?.... there was Thomas, who had to put his finger in the hole....

*blushing, ducking and running for cover*

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: SharonA
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 07:36 PM

"Adam soiled the garden (does this count as constipated?)"

No, I don't think so, but he did need the help of a snake before he could evacuate...

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: SharonA
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 07:51 PM

Listen to the song -- number 14 on this CD

Gee, you'd think it would be number 2, wouldn't you?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: GUEST
Date: 28 Jul 07 - 01:58 PM

there was jeremiah who broke the chamber pot

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: GUEST,Bob C Twinz
Date: 29 Jul 07 - 08:51 PM

Advance warning: admittedly not for the devout ......    Those easily offended are genially encouraged to pass on to the next message.

(If we can't have a little fun with our sacred cows, they will soon cease to moo for us.)

While there are one or two New Testament personages in the versions above, the later crowd was badly under-represented. Herewith a work in progress (note variant lines).   Feel free to improve it on your own:

TEN CONSTIPATED BEINGS, Or,
Five Constipated Men, Two Constipated Women, One Constipated Fallen Angel, One Constipated Savior, and One Constipated God in the New Testament

There were ten, ten constipated beings
In the gospels, in the gospels,
There were ten, ten constipated beings
In the holy testament       [or: In the four synoptic gospels)

Now, the first ... was John the Baptist, he had to go before ...

And the 2nd ... Apostle Paul, they lowered him through the hole ...

The 3rd ... Apostle Peter, denied it three times ...

And the 4th ... Pontius Pilate, he had to wash his hands ...

Now, the 5th ... Judas Iscariot, he burst asunder ...

Now the 1st, 1st constipated woman ... Mother Mary, she used the manger ...

And the 2nd ... Sister Martha, she rose up hastily ...

And the one, one constipated fallen angel was Satan, he voided man's good works ...

Now the one, one constipated Savior, was Jesus, he rose in three days
                                                                  OR:   he rode in on his ass,
                                                                  OR: he blew the stone away,

Now, the One, One constipated God, his name was GOD, he sits till Judgment Day ...

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: the 10 constipated men in the bible
From: GUEST,The black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 30 Jul 07 - 08:20 AM

There's a reference somewhere to sports cars.
"He tore up the desert in his triumph".