Lyr Add: Asshole Rules the Navy

Subject: Lyr Add: 'Asshole Rules the Navy'
From: John M.
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 03:20 PM

I am looking for anyone who knows and sings the song "Asshole Rules the Navy". I already did a google search and I am familiar with the Oscar Brand version known as "Backside Rules the Navy". If you know and sing this song independent of Brand's recording, I would like to correspond with you and, perhaps, record you singing the version you know.

Sincerely,

John Mehlberg
~
PS For comparison here are my current texts:



          ASSHOLE RULES THE NAVY

Chorus:
    Asshole rules the Navy, asshole rules the sea.
    If you want a bit of bum, better get it from your chum -
    You'll get no ass from me.

Let us sing a bit of good old Captain Kitt,
Who sat one morning early in the head.
A bee came flying past and it stung him on the ass,
And this is what the gallant captain said.

Now we'll hear some rhymes of Yeoman Second Grimes
Who ran the hook that hoisted up the mail.
One day as he stood watch it caught him in the crotch
And he cried as he went flying o'er the rail, "It doesn't
          matter!..."

Now to end my song I'll sing of AB Long
Whose member was not like his name at all.
When asked if he would tell how he got along so well
His answer simply was as I recall, "It's very simple."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          SAMBO

Sambo was a lazy coon,
Who used to sleep in the afternoon,
So tired was he, so tired was he.
Off to the forest he would go,
Swinging his bollocks too and fro,
When along came a bee, a bloody great bumble bee,
Bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz.
Get away you bumble bee, I ain't no rose,
I ain't no syphilitic flower, get off my fucking nose.
Get off my nasal organ, don't you come near.
If you want a bit of fanny, you can fuck my granny,
But you'll get no arsehole here.

Arsehole rules the Navy, arsehole rules the Navy,
Arsehole rules the navy, but you'll get no arse from me.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Asshole Rules the Navy'
From: Micca
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 05:50 PM

As verse 2 of the Sambo song I heard (British Merchant Navy Mid 1960's)

"When I was young I had no sense.
Caught my bollocks on a fence.
To the doctor I did go.
My balls and all I had to show.
He sat me on a sto-ool
And he lopped off my too-ool.
When I went home, my father laughed
To see two balls without a shaft.
Arsehole rules the Navy. Arsehole rules the Navy.
Arsehole rules the Navy, but you'll get no arsehole here."

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Asshole Rules the Navy'
From: Joe Offer
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 07:12 PM

John, I think you need to record Micca. It'll be a classic, although I have to say the recording on your site (click) is pretty good.
Oh, and don't miss Famous Butt Songs. http://www.saltydick.com/lyrics.htm has the same version as the first one John posted.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Asshole Rules the Navy'
From: Lighter
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 08:50 PM

Oscar Brand recorded his version (as "Backside....") in 1958 on the Audio-Fidelity LP "Bawdy Sea Chanteys." Copyright was claimed by "Brand-Frey." Seems to me he wrote all but a few words, despite the rather equivocal liner-note assertion that he got it from Royal Navy sources. I'd be most surprised to find an earlier version with just those incidents and that cast of characters. (Notice that version 2, which also features a bee sting, is a lot cruder than Brand's urbane comedy. Brand is a pro at "sivilizin'" rough material, as Huck Finn might say.)

Interestingly, the line in Micca's song about seeing the Quack is basic to Stan Hugill's bawdy "Sacramento" shanty, which he learned in the 1920s.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Asshole Rules the Navy
From: GUEST,Christine
Date: 11 Oct 18 - 06:45 PM

My dad sang this song he was born 1911

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Asshole Rules the Navy
From: and e
Date: 01 Apr 25 - 01:02 PM

"Tis arsehole rules the navy! Arsehole rules the sea!
You may get your bloody bum from the King's Grenadiers -- but
you'll get not arse from me!"

Pg 532. I Love You I Really Do, Part I. by G. Legman.
Legman's autobiography covering the 1st eighteen years of his life.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Asshole Rules the Navy
From: and e
Date: 01 Apr 25 - 01:51 PM

SAMBO WAS A LAZY COON

Sambo was a lazy coon,
He would sleep in the afternoon,
Under a tree,
So tired was he,
When along came a bee
Making whoopee.
Bzz..Bzz..Bz..
Get along you bumble bee,
I ain't no rose
I ain't no syphilitic flea,
Get off my flipping nose.
Get off my nasal organ,
Get away from me,
If you want a bit of fanny
You can have my Granny,
But you'll get no arsehole here.

Arsehole rules the Navy,
But there's fuckall in the Branch.

1979. Fleet Air Arm Song Book. Mark II. p. 170. Italics in the original.


See here: https://archive.org/details/1979cathefleetairarmsongbook/page/170/mode/1up?q=%22rules+the+navy%22