Subject: BS: Stupid Vans From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull Date: 21 Dec 04 - 05:24 AM Hello, My van is a Bedford Rascal, and the battery is in the flor of the load area, so wehn you get flat battery, you cant jump start it, becase the wires arent long enough. so wahts the point of that then, and why did they make it so stupid? and even if wires was long enough, and you had loads of stuff in it, you would have to take it all out, and put it on the floor, and if it wwas raining it would get wet, and it might get damaged, ie=paper and that. so why dont they put battery in good place, like next to the door, then the wires would fit. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: John MacKenzie Date: 21 Dec 04 - 05:30 AM Put the jump leads directly onto the starter motor Surge0n. Giok |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull Date: 21 Dec 04 - 05:34 AM dont know were the starter motor is on this stupid van. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: John MacKenzie Date: 21 Dec 04 - 05:39 AM Houston we have a problem! |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Sttaw Legend Date: 21 Dec 04 - 05:44 AM Its next to the van-der-graph-generator jOhn |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Pete Jennings Date: 21 Dec 04 - 05:44 AM Er...are you sure it's the van that's stupid? Who bought it? LOL, Pete. PS. I used to have an MGB GT. It had a flat battery one morning and could I find it? Not exactly a big car, so not really anywhere to hide, eh? Tried under the bonnet (US = hood), in the boot (trunk), everywhere - could I bloody find it? (didn't have an owner's manual at the time). There was nowhere I hadn't looked that was big enough to house a 12 volt battery. Had to phone a mate of mine who revealed all - there were two tiny 6 volt batteries (in series) underneath the miniscule rear "seat". In all, took me over an hour to get the car started, with only the last 5 minutes being spent not locating the batteries! PPS. And yes, jOhn, it was me who bought it!!! Ho, ho ho. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Sttaw Legend Date: 21 Dec 04 - 05:50 AM You may want to think about a conversion http://www.solarvan.co.uk/ |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Davetnova Date: 21 Dec 04 - 06:05 AM The starter motor is under the drivers seat JoHn. I have a Suzuki Supercarry. It is a Bedford Rascal with a Foreign name. The electrics are shite. Do not use with the lights and wipers on at the same time for any length of time. I tend not to use mine at night in winter. Anyway a quick push from a couple of Hullions should start it, they don't weigh much. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull Date: 21 Dec 04 - 06:08 AM I'm going to convert my van to solar power, I may be some time. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Davetnova Date: 21 Dec 04 - 06:24 AM It still won't run in the rain at night. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 21 Dec 04 - 06:26 AM You'll need very long heatproof leads jOhn. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: artbrooks Date: 21 Dec 04 - 08:29 AM Does the sun shine enough in Hull? |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Peace Date: 21 Dec 04 - 08:36 AM Re the solar power, jOhn: Ya ever see a donkey with the carrot dangling in from of it?Never mind solar power. Hang a five gallon can of gas--petrol in your case--in front of the van. You won't need all that electrical stuff. Use your wits, man. Use your wits. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,Mr Red Date: 21 Dec 04 - 08:37 AM Out of the Rascal's backside and I don't refer to the reversing light! |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST Date: 21 Dec 04 - 08:50 AM John sold his wits years ago |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: John MacKenzie Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:11 AM It's not just the elastic band that's perished in this cold weather is it? ;~) Giok |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Pete Jennings Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:13 AM Now, now, Goik, don't get personal... |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Rapparee Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:17 AM Hey, I used to play with the Elastic Band! Good group -- always stretching the limits, putting snap into the music, but it finally went bust. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Peace Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:24 AM I farted once and had nothing left but the elastic band. It was awesome. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Pete Jennings Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:27 AM After one of Sir jOhn's curries? |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Rapparee Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:30 AM Couple I knew were giving a brand new, cab-over-engine, engine between the seats, van by Daddy (a Ford dealer). They moved to an area with lots of snow, and he, Big Brain that he was, decided that they needed more weight in the back for traction. He found and put in a 1,000 pound safe. One nice day, weather clear, road dry, no snow, he slammed on the brakes. Every hear of inertia? He learned about it when the safe slid forward and hit the engine compartment. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Davetnova Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:35 AM I think I want a solar van too. That is cool but £9,000 conversion costs. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Blissfully Ignorant Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:47 AM You could sell it and buy another one with the battery in a sensible place... but then something else would go wrong on it. All machines are b******s. Get a horse and cart. They run on hay, i think. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,Raggytash Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:49 AM What ...... the curry farted and then Brucie did so as well |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Paco Rabanne Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:50 AM My Fiat Scud is trundling along perfectly as usual. I have seen jOhn's van, and it is a piece of old clapped out shite! |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Peace Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:55 AM "What ...... the curry farted and then Brucie did so as well" Farted is an understatement. History got it wrong. Do you remember 'the shot that was heard around the world'? Krakatoa? The first nuclear blast? They were NOTHING by commparison. Nothing I tell you. Also, while we're 'on' the topic: You know why turds are taperedat the ends? That's so yer a55hole don't slam shut. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Blissfully Ignorant Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:58 AM I thought it was to make them more aerodynamic. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Peace Date: 21 Dec 04 - 10:05 AM If they weigh that much, ya have to lower them with a rope to avoid the splash. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Bunnahabhain Date: 21 Dec 04 - 10:06 AM Thousand pound safe! Light as feather. Try about 2 1/2 tons of bricks, in the back of an old landie. On the way back from builders merchants, at a sensible speed ~20 mph. Tried stopping on a very muddy road. I tried and failed.I stopped quite well after going through the hedge and wall. Broke a headlight as well. Being a landie though, into reverse, finish last mile home a bit slower, unload and go round to say sorry. Now that's inertia in action. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 21 Dec 04 - 10:57 AM Assholes slamming shut are much akin to nudists sitting heavily on a stone bench. Like a round of applause. A Rascal could never carry Brucie's turd. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Bill D Date: 21 Dec 04 - 08:28 PM simple answer...LOTS of hamsters, running in little wheels, generating current...feed the hamsters scraps from the curry place. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Bobert Date: 21 Dec 04 - 08:56 PM Burn it and call the insurance company... Bobert p.s. 'er move the battery wherever you want or just get longer jump cables... or both.. or all 3... |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: JohnInKansas Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:09 PM Some many years ago I had a vehicle with a "difficult" battery location, and of course the one that's hard to jumper always needs it the most. At the time I found a "terminal block" that I mounted in the engine compartment where it was easy to get to, and just ran a long wire back to the battery. You only need the "Pos" terminal for most vehicles, since the whole frame is the "Neg" side of the circuit. Been looking for another one of those terminals for my camper for about 3 years now, and I guess they just don't make them anymore. The camper is just about 2.4 feet too far back for my 20 ft jumpers to reach the battery on the tow truck, and I have to pull the battery at least half way out of the box to get the clamps on, so an "auxiliary" terminal would be really nice. Of course, if the dummy who plans my trips would remember to charge the camper battery before we get to the camp, it would help... John |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: mack/misophist Date: 22 Dec 04 - 02:02 AM "Warum einfach wenn es auch geht completziert?" Why should anything be easy when it can all be screwed up? |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Liz the Squeak Date: 22 Dec 04 - 02:35 AM Make something foolproof and nature will evolve a more foolish fool. We had a Mid-European car that had been converted for the English market... by turning the engine practically upside down. To change the fan belt you had to take the bloody engine block out. But my Lada (Nikki to his friends) was fantastic. It started better in cold weather than it did in hot, it aquaplaned like the Spruce Goose and I threw it round every corner you could think of, and with nothing more than a nasty tendancy to punctures (but then I put the proper tyres on) it behaved beautifully. Age, lack of parts and lack of money finally took its toll. And I only ever cleaned it twice. LTS |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 22 Dec 04 - 03:46 AM Cleaning a Lada!!! TWICE!!!! |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: John MacKenzie Date: 22 Dec 04 - 05:04 AM Sacrilege!!!! |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 22 Dec 04 - 05:46 AM Lada's came from the factory dirty. It's all that held them together. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Liz the Squeak Date: 22 Dec 04 - 06:18 PM I didn't want to do it the second time, but it was parked outside the house when the local football team won an important match... Even I won't drive around with puke on the bonnet! LTS |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: number 6 Date: 22 Dec 04 - 07:07 PM A Fiat Scud ?!?!?! |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: EBarnacle Date: 22 Dec 04 - 11:31 PM Sounds like you need to search for that literary classic by Dick O'Kane--"How to Repair your Foreign Car." My favorite chapter is entitled [sic]: Why, when England rules the waves, will her cars not go through a puddle." It appears that nothing has changed. re: The Lada. When they came into the US, they were known as Fiat [that's Fix It Again, Tony] 128's. I recall one time, when I was working in the shop, trying to change the oil. There was not enough clearance to get the drain plug out without removing [or at least unfastening] the radiator. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: DonMeixner Date: 23 Dec 04 - 01:27 AM Once again the evil work of Joseph Lucas, Prince of Darkness. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Peace Date: 23 Dec 04 - 01:31 AM There is also Fix Often, Repair Daily. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,Seaking Date: 23 Dec 04 - 02:12 AM You could buy a spare battery and keep it (and a set of heavy duty leads) in the back of the van - just check it's charge every once in a while. You'll still have to find the starter motor first I'm afraid. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Tannywheeler Date: 23 Dec 04 - 02:31 AM WOW!!!!! I got it, Ming. A foreign-language car joke and this highly UNmechanical dumb Texan GOT it. I wish I could afford to pay y'all what this education is worth. Just the laugh alone...(We call 'em Jumper Cables here, and I got it 'cuz we've mostly had cars where you had to keep 'em handy.) Solar-converted van, longer heatproof jumper cables -- gotta tell Hubby before he leaves for work. Thanks, guys. Tw |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 23 Dec 04 - 04:13 AM Isn't it nice when a few simple words bring so much pleasure to someone? Nearly makes it worth getting up in the morning. By the way tw, most Christmas crackers have better jokes in them. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: John MacKenzie Date: 23 Dec 04 - 05:33 AM Take your kangaroo for a walk with Jumper Leads. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 23 Dec 04 - 06:16 AM Shouldn't that be take your kangaroo for a jump with walker leads? Or is that a whole new scenario? |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Peace Date: 23 Dec 04 - 06:20 AM |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Peace Date: 23 Dec 04 - 06:21 AM Whew, that was close. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 23 Dec 04 - 07:20 AM |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 23 Dec 04 - 07:22 AM It was close past here too. Whatever it was. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Peace Date: 23 Dec 04 - 07:23 AM So, like, ya know how smart bombs crash into buildings and everything? Would smart vans do that, too? |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 23 Dec 04 - 07:37 AM Yes, as long as they have unsmart drivers and very dodgy steering. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Peace Date: 23 Dec 04 - 07:37 AM . . . 'cause if only stupi vans do that, then why are the bombs not called stupid bombs. Like, a smart bomb wouldn't hit anything. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Snuffy Date: 23 Dec 04 - 07:38 AM I thought smart bombs were meant to kill all the people and leave the buildings unharmed. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Peace Date: 23 Dec 04 - 07:46 AM So would smart vans do that, too? And then what about cobalt vans? Wow, this is getting complicated. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: John MacKenzie Date: 23 Dec 04 - 08:20 AM VAN der Graph Generator/Coq au VAN/Vincent VAN Gogh/VAN for the money two for the show/Visigoths and VANdals? C'mon Brucie fess up! Giok |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 23 Dec 04 - 09:25 AM "fess up"? What kind of language is that for a person of the Caledonian persuasion? I fear that too many American cops and robbers programmes are having an undue influence. VANity fair. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: John MacKenzie Date: 23 Dec 04 - 10:12 AM Well when they use expressions like 'step up to the plate' on Radio 4 the world's going to hell in a handbasket anyway. Giok |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 23 Dec 04 - 10:16 AM Very true Giok, very true. Our language is being eroded. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Tannywheeler Date: 23 Dec 04 - 01:41 PM VAN and VAN makes tvoo? All the handbaskets we keep goin' ta Hell in are what keep the fires of Hell burning. Historic district preservation -- important work. conFESS Parker played Davy Crockett in the 1950s for Disney. NEUTRON bombs kill all the people and leave the buildings. SMART bombs are supposed to pinpoint a specific target and seriously minimize "collateral damage". Life is such fun. I won't tell if you won't. Tw |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: John MacKenzie Date: 23 Dec 04 - 02:27 PM Remember the Alamo |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Once Famous Date: 23 Dec 04 - 02:34 PM Stupid vans? As opposed to smart vans? |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Little Hawk Date: 23 Dec 04 - 02:42 PM Criticism of Irish music belongs above the line, doesn't it? |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: number 6 Date: 23 Dec 04 - 06:02 PM Smart vans, stupi vans, Neutron bombs, smart bombs, ... and a Fiat Scud ?!?!?!?! |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Peace Date: 23 Dec 04 - 07:15 PM and a partridge in a pear treeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,dean.taberner@tesco.net Date: 03 Feb 05 - 05:03 AM my rascal wouldnt start this morning flat battery! what a sack of shite! |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Davetnova Date: 03 Feb 05 - 06:23 AM Well my NAT, the supercarry(Rascal) antivampire (she can't go out at night) started on the second turn of the key on sunday. That was the first time she had been touched for a week. She just purred so I kept her at it for a couple of hours. This week I'm going to take her out to the country for dinner and a quiet stroll while no one is looking. |
Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: robomatic Date: 03 Feb 05 - 08:18 AM My first summer home from college I got a job driving a delivery van for a laundry outfit. Went from town to town in New England in this ancient Dodge unit with the engine under my right elbow. The entire van had been shaken by god and then set down again, there were no right angles left, the tires had some tread between the bald spots and the rear doors were held together by faith and some twine. I'm one of the only New Englanders who once found Islington, and my experience with inertia was that as I accelerated a wheeled canvas tub full of clean shirts castered slowly to the rear and then kept going, in the town center. I think it was later the same day that a tire blew but the engine was so shaky I couldn't tell at first. |