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Ever had one of those years?
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Subject: Ever had one of those years? From: GUEST Date: 13 Nov 00 - 11:02 PM Yeah, one of those years when you fight the good fight with all you have to fight with; Grinding through the days that make up that year; keeping on keeping on, and...late one evening, it hits you. You have made no noticible progress at all. And you wonder what the hell was it all for. Ever have one of those years when the Tallahatchie bridge seems to call out to you? Well, I have and I am PISSED! But,what else to do but, keep on keeping on anyway. khandu |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Allan C. Date: 13 Nov 00 - 11:17 PM Years ago I had a poster which hung in my bathroom. It featured Ziggy, the cartoon character. He was pictured seated on the toilet, staring at an empty toilet paper holder. The caption was, "Did you ever have one of those lives? At that time in my life lots of not very nice things were happening to me. It wasn't until years later that I was able to turn things around so that I was happening to life instead of life happening to me. I wish I could tell you what it was that made the difference. I can only extend the wish to you that you can find it. Soon, I hope. Best wishes, Allan |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Jon Freeman Date: 13 Nov 00 - 11:18 PM Yes khandu, I've had 13 such years in a row, except to say that I have seen progress in a backwards direction. Maybe one day someone will explain why to me but my reversal from being a respectable systems co-ordinator for Hotpoint to becoming a drunken lunatic coincided with me accepting Jesus Christ into my life - sort of the reverse of most peoples testimonies but it is the truth all the same. Like yourself, I try to say keep on going but I don't know why. Maybe one day it will all make sense. I hope so for both of us. Jon |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Bugsy Date: 13 Nov 00 - 11:34 PM |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: WyoWoman Date: 14 Nov 00 - 12:08 AM I agree with Bugsy. But seriously, folks... Yes, I've had some of the same experience. The conclusion I've come to is that there is no IS to life. It's all what we generate, for better or for worse. We can't control circumstances (Shit Happens), we can only say what our response to circumstances will be. Some days I'm better than others at rising to meet circumstances. But the only freedom I can see is in my own determination about whether or not I fight back or play or dance or roll with the punches or pull the covers over my head or give up and head for the bridge. So far, I mostly opt to fight back, play and dance. And when I'm feeling the bridge to be particularly alluring, I call a friend. And sometimes walk around my house pounding my fists on counters and tabletops and begging to know why the hell this is happening to ME???!!!??? And trying to let it out good and proper, so the anger and disappointment and fury can leave me and make room for what's more natural -- joy and pleasure. It's never a completely done deal, however. The wheel sometimes turns and there I am, with my nose in the mud again. And time to call a friend and make myself some more tearwater tea. When in doubt, create something. ww |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: campfire Date: 14 Nov 00 - 12:15 AM Well said WyoWoman. I was going to say I'm in the same camp, but I probably couldn't get the tent pitched. But I keep trying. When its really bad, I either walk - lots - with the dogs, or I carry on imaginary converations with the people I'm frustrated with. Sometimes both at once. campfire |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Ebbie Date: 14 Nov 00 - 12:23 AM I was suicidal for a number of years. The only actual thing I know of that turned it around for me was making a choice. I even played the game of 'Act as if:' Act as if I'm happy, act as if I'm poised, act as if I like him or her, you get the idea. (Sometimes I still do that one, mainly because it works!) I remember the moment when I realized that my life had become not only bearable but downright interesting and enjoyable. A lot of it had to do with the sudden realization that I had as much right to be here on this earth as anyone else, that we'd all got here the same way. All my life I had felt embarrassed to be here. Mind you, I don't think I was suffering from clinical depression- I was chronically depressed to the point where I was afraid that if I started crying I might never stop but my depression had focal points and was not an all-pervasive blanket. Other than what I've read, I know nothing about cd but I sure hope that very soon clinical depression will be easily and swiftly successfully treated, because it certainly sounds like a chemical imbalance. In my case, I tell people now that I've tried being happy and I've tried being sad- and I prefer happy. So I'm happy, simple minded as it sounds. I don't know what the answers are- wish I did. But do please bear in mind that I feel for you, and I'm sure I'm not alone in that reaction. Ebbie |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Sorcha Date: 14 Nov 00 - 12:54 AM Same camp as WyoWoman. I have had a year or more of the down stuff.......but I am trying hard to get over it. My problem is that I would apparently rather be down than up. It's so much easier to feel sorry for yourself when you're down. And being down/feeling sorry for yourself is so much easier than feeling up........and alchohol does not help. In real fact, it makes it worse. Feeling down does get to be a habit..........and you have to look hard for the good stuff, but it is there. It just takes a lot more effort to find it. Keep looking. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Amergin Date: 14 Nov 00 - 01:04 AM Yes, I have had one of those lives....things are a bit better now. My suggestion to you (which is also WW's suggestion) is that you find a very close friend you can talk to about such things and everytime you hear the siren's call, call that friend. It will save you. Deb, my girlfriend, made me promise her that I'd call her if I ever felt that way again (after an episode I told her about), and it works, it forces you to actually think about what you're doing instead of letting your emotions rule. Amergin |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Lonesome EJ Date: 14 Nov 00 - 01:07 AM to Jon Freeman...my friend,if indeed you are a "drunken lunatic" as you say,then I welcome lunacy,for you have always been one of the most kind,level-headed,and helpful people on the forum.You certainly have my respect. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: catspaw49 Date: 14 Nov 00 - 01:26 AM Leej, you're a miserable prick. I have said that kind of thing to Jon before and I wanted to say it again.....Now I'm stuck with "Ditto." I hate it when you're right.....Makes me question myself. But Jon, he is right. Feel free to be a drunken lunatic with us for as long as you like.........I think you're a helluva' guy and a good friend. Khandu, in the short time you've been here, and for what its worth, I've enjoyed you immensely and am really happy that you found us here. I know that's selfish, but that's the way I am. The only thing that bothers me about you is that you're really neat and are from Mississippi.........which effectively stops me from making all those Mississippi jokes I've been making for years. If I haven't said it before, Welcome to the 'Cat! Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: CarolC Date: 14 Nov 00 - 01:26 AM I would say it's been one of those lifetimes for me. Judging by external appearances, it looks like I haven't made much progress. However, when I look at my life objectively I can see progress that is of a nature that I had not anticipated, so I tend not to notice it as much as the lack of progress toward the goals that I thought I was working toward. I know that's convoluted but it really does make some kind of sense. Also, you're not alone in having a bad year this year. A lot of people have recieved comfort and solace in difficult circumstances through the kindness and loving support of the people here in the Mudcat. I am one of them. I was going through a bit of a really bad patch recently, and I asked if anyone in the Mudcat could give me a virtual hug. The response I got was incredibly heart warming and healing, and it did me wonders. My material and lifestyle circumstances are largely the same as they were before, but I feel less alone with them now. I hope you can get the help you need either here in the Mudcat, or from whatever other source is appropriate for you. I send you my best wishes and my hope that things will get better for you soon. Carol P.S. Please stay away from the bridge. I say this for purely selfish reasons. I treasure the people who make the Mudcat wonderful. I don't want to lose any of them. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Sorcha Date: 14 Nov 00 - 02:03 AM Pain,so much pain I see here on Mudcat. So very much pain, and I am powerless to stop it......and that hurts so very much. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Amergin Date: 14 Nov 00 - 02:05 AM Pain, I am sad to say, cannot be stopped. Pain is what makes or breaks us. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Troll Date: 14 Nov 00 - 02:34 AM You are not alone. We will all help if we can but you must believe that it can get better. Pain and hard times are a part of life and you have to accept it. It isn't personal. Life isn't out to get you, things just happen. But believe that it can get better. That's the key. troll |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Musicman Date: 14 Nov 00 - 02:36 AM I used to sing a song at work...... a song from the 1940's or earlier, not sure... called "Painting the Clouds with Sunshine" Went something like this:
When I pretend I'm gay
I used to think that this was my theme song. I went through several years of high stresses which culminated in the loss of my best friend....... my wife........ leaving me to raise an 11yr old (at the time) daughter. She is now 13, and doing fairly well...... we both have had a rough time over the past several years, but we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel (not a train!). It's taken time, focus, and most of all, allowing the moments to happen when they needed to happen. I think I took at least 5-6 months sick leave from work in one year, just because i wasn't able to do my job (Music therapist in a hospital). I finally ended up quitting that job. Not sure where I'm going with this.... maybe just to say.... sometimes we need to take the positive steps and create our future with determination and persistance... but allowing the moments when we have to recognize the past...... This is where your friends come in...... to listen, to distract... or just to be there.....
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Gervase Date: 14 Nov 00 - 05:49 AM Musicman, I used to send my wsife crazy when things seemed at their lowest ebb by breaking into a few bars of "Even when the darkest clouds are in the sky/ you mustn't cry and you mustn't sigh/spread a little happiness as you go by" - another 40s number called, I think, Mr Cinders. But khandu, life isn''t easy, and at times it can seem particularly shitty. But the fact that you're here, and that people here care for you, is a damned fine reason for staying away from that bridge! And, speaking personally, there's always something pretty vacant and bland about people who are perpetually bloody cheerful. Take the cabinet-maker's view and think of yourself as like a piece of fine timber, say a well-figured piece of walnut. What makes it so fine is that all the grain and figuring is the result of years of adverse conditions; each showing a storm weathered or a season endured. Growing in perfect conditions, the wood would be bland and dull, whereas life's knocks give it its character. At the time, life might seem shitty, even unbearable, but that very shittiness makes you a more interesting, rounded and human person. So, even when there seems to be nothing else you should still keep hopein your heart and cherish the affection of good friends who care, even if - like those here in the'Cat - you haven't met them yet in person. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: kendall Date: 14 Nov 00 - 08:40 AM Last Friday, I was feeling unnecessary, as I often do, but, I headed for NOMAD anyway. I had driven 50 miles or so, constantly feeling that maybe I should just return home. It was raining, and life sucked. Something drove me on, and, I'm really glad it did. I had a great time. It's always a pleasure to spend time with the "Washington Mafia" and Sandy & Caroline, Dick Greenhaus and his parodies etc. Jon, If you isolate yourself, you are going to feel even worse, because you will energize the thought. Such feelings feed on themselves. The solution is..DO something! (Wellbutrin helps) |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Jeri Date: 14 Nov 00 - 08:56 AM Outside forces (other people, circumstances, events, etc) can affect what happens to us, but our attitudes are within our control. Someone around here once said "it's not about having the things you want, it's about wanting the things you have." Some folks (or all of us at one time or another) get tunnel visiion - they're so focused on a set of things involving failure that they can't see the successes. Maybe those successes aren't important to them, but if you desperately keep wanting to succeed at something that hasn't worked in the past, maybe it's time to find something it's within your power to succeed at, and go do it. Or at least (a la "It's a Wonderful Life") look at the good stuff that happened while you were paying attention to the bad stuff. I know people who have had all kinds of crap happen to them and they're happy. I've known others who have a few bad things happen in a mostly (from my point of view) happy life, and start thinking about bridges. I think the difference between attitudes has a lot to do with whether the person focuses on what they have the power to change, or what fate has wrought. Please note, I am not talking about clinical depression. No one or no thing can make a person want to live - only that person can do it, and that person has to want to make the effort to find something to make him/her happy and go for it. Khandu, my personal philosophy (your mileage may vary) is that "the good fight" is making ones self happy. Sometimes holding your ground is a success, since it's the nature of things to fall apart. Look at the little successes - sometimes we can't see the trees for the forest. And "keep on keepin' on," because sometimes that's what gets us to a place where the path ahead will be a bit clearer. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: kendall Date: 14 Nov 00 - 09:09 AM Nothing is good or bad..thinking makes them so..Wm Shakespere |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Allan C. Date: 14 Nov 00 - 09:16 AM A radio talk show host always ends his show by saying, "They never said it shoud be easy..." and I know he is right. Life is HARD! More than a century ago this was recognized in "The Housewife's Lament" Life is a trial and love is a trouble Beauty will fade and riches will flee Pleasures they dwindle and prices they double And nothing is as I would wish it to be. Getting discouraged is part of life. Raising yourself out of that valley of discouragement is one of the things that makes life feel good. It doesn't really make life any easier; but the change in attitude makes it seem so. Having friends who care helps to create the climate for such a change. I hope you are finding this to be so. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Naemanson Date: 14 Nov 00 - 09:33 AM I have stood at the bridge rail and considered the gulf that lies beyond it more than once in my life. There have been times when that seemed to be the only viable alternative to the pain. But I am still here. Kendall is right, you have to get out and do something, anything. Get out among people and talk with them, sing with them and feel with them. Reading through this thread seems to put my own pain, of this year and of previous uears in perspective. None of my loved ones have died recently. My children are healthy and getting on with their lives. I am not mortal enemies with anyone (that I know of). I will someday be in love again. I have the Mudcat. I should be happy. Maybe that is in my future too. If I cross the bridge rail I will never know. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: sophocleese Date: 14 Nov 00 - 09:35 AM khandu and Jon Freeman one of the things that really helped me through some darkly depressive times was this list of "Ways to Personal Growth". I post them here hoping that they will help someone else see a little more light in their tunnel. Lots of love Sophocleese. 1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath. 2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia. 3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault. 4. I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed. 5. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal. 6. Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over others. 7. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self- judgment. 8. I honor my personality flaws for without them I would have no personality at all. 9. Joan of Arc heard voices, too. 10. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me. 11. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain. 12. As I learn the innermost secrets of people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet. 13. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying. 14. The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things. 15. As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun. 16. All of me is beautiful, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts. 17. I am at one with my duality. 18. Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots. 19. Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears. 20. I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday. 21. I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws. 22. Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so!" 23. False hope is better than no hope at all. 24. A good scapegoat is almost as good as a solution. 25. Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear in the Hollywood Cafe. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom. 26. Who can I blame for my problems? Just give me a minute. . . . I'll find someone. 27. Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future? 28. The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working. 29. I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage. 30. Becoming aware of my character defects leads me naturally to the next step of blaming my parents. 31. To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting. 32. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them. 33. Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: SINSULL Date: 14 Nov 00 - 09:56 AM I lost my job, my son to drugs, and my mind all in one week. It took five years to straighten the whole mess out. The last piece of the puzzle fell into place last week with a refinanced mortgage to cover years of necessary credit card debt. My sister-in-law, also my best friend, and I were talking about it. We both thought it funny that five years ago our lives were a shambles and now literally everything is back on track. We both know that we fought for it an inch at a time but somehow feel like it "just happened'. The one thing we agreed on: When shit happens again (and it will. that's life), we will know it for what it is and not let the "down time" win. Jon - I hate to repeat myself but you are one of my favorite people here on Mudcat. You may have been a "respectable Systems Coordinator" but I suspect you weren't happy. Money, respectability, status, power - it has no meaning. Inner peace is all there is. In time, you will see that you are achieving it a step at a time. When you find people loving you just because you are who you are, you must be doing something right. I seriously considered suicide for a while. Actually lost my job (outside sales) because I was afraid to drive knowing I might deliberately move into oncoming traffic. Now I know life - at its worst- is still worth living. It took a lot of work and a long time to figure it out but I made it. The fact that you all are willing to talk about it is a good sign. Khandu, keep talking. The worm will turn. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Kim C Date: 14 Nov 00 - 09:56 AM I have had one of those summers. I am just about free of it, though... I'm just going one day at a time and each day gets easier. Mister and I had some disagreement - the first major disagreement in 10+ years - and my father died. Each of those alone would be difficult, but navigable, but together.... well, lemme just say this has been the Summer of Kleenex and Waterproof Mascara. I just keep reminding myself how blessed I really am. That helps a lot. :) |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: GUEST,Matt_R Date: 14 Nov 00 - 10:34 AM When I was twenty-one, it was a very good year... |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Amos Date: 14 Nov 00 - 11:16 AM The only path through, and the only way out, is to find and expand those things about which you can take some responsible causation -- attitudes, sure, decisions, beliefs, but also thousands of opportunities to communicate in the direction of your intended realities which you can take up or let go by. It has nothing to do with whether or not you accept Jesus Christ or anyone else, unless by doing so you decide to stop taking your own sphere of responsibility. The toughest part is always those things we don't think we can do anything about, and the only answer is to continue facing them, seeing them more and more as they are, and continuing to communicate while you expand your zone of causation. The biggest problems are made out of undelivered messages. I realize this may sound specious and glib; but it has roots that run deeper than that and can be put to work against pain, loss, frustration, and feelings of being an unknowing and unwilling pawn in the world. TAKE ARMS AGAINST A SEA OF TROUBLES! AND BY OPPOSING, END THEM! OK, team, get out there, now....and I want to see you kicking some butt!! Love to you all, A. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Alice Date: 14 Nov 00 - 11:19 AM This has not been my worst year, but it has been a tough one financially, and not over yet. Hang in there, you are not alone. As Uncle "Red Green" say, Keep your stick on the ice! |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: L R Mole Date: 14 Nov 00 - 11:27 AM Man, man, breathe out. Bridges are for crossing, not ending the road. One foot, other foot: you're not walking by yourself. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: SINSULL Date: 14 Nov 00 - 11:40 AM Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the strength to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. By the way, just because you can change something doesn't mean you have to - if ain't broke don't fix it. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: mousethief Date: 14 Nov 00 - 11:41 AM Yes, 1995. It has gotten considerably better since. Which of course means another 1995 is probably coming along the pike. Hang in there, khandu. Tough times don't last, but tough people do. It's cliché but dammit it's true. So many clichés are.
Alex |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Alice Date: 14 Nov 00 - 12:45 PM Khandu, from 1978 to 1981, I lost my grandfather, grandmother, I was almost killed by a violent boyfriend, my mother and father and an aunt died in a car accident while they were on vacation together, a niece was electrocuted to death by faulty wiring in her home, a nephew was shot to death. After my parents died, people around me were telling me I should get married (I was too much in shock to make that decision) but was talked in to marrying someone I hardly knew. I found out after I married him that he was an alcoholic and he abandoned me a few months after the wedding, while I was pregnant. I had an emergency appendectomy and then lost twin girls at birth, and definitely was depressed enough from all of this to feel suicidal. I was numb from all of these experiences piling one on top of each other, I was ill from the failed pregnancy. I had no job and lots of medical bills. I had no friends or relatives to talk to. I survived. I kept thinking, at least I'm alive and the future may get better, at least I'm not in a concentration camp or something like that. I would always think of how other people survived the holocaust, Hanoi Hilton, or some other worse circumstance than mine. I made it through. It's possible to survive until things change, and they always do. Hang in there. Alice |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Clifton53 Date: 14 Nov 00 - 01:04 PM I have a very demanding job in terms of hours spent there, not the work itself, which is in the manufacturing end. Some days are a little demanding on my body and on my ears, nerves, and my soul. And I need to be on my toes lest my machine bite me or tear my hand off or burn me etc. Sometimes I feel like a boxer, not a great fighter like Ali or Tyson, but a pug fighter like Jerry Quarry was, face all pushed in, all lumped up and oozing blood.Never had a chance in his fights against the great ones, but he went the distance more often than not, and the people in his corner kept putting the stool down to let him rest, and kept him cooled down with a damp sponge and told him he was doing okay, even as he stared at the brute in the other corner waiting to pound him a bit more. Support is what it's all about. If you stand alone against the beast, he'll eat you for lunch and laugh when it's over. I work far too much but that can't be helped right now. Some of the shifts I work only allow me a brief visit with the wife and kiddies, like two steamers passing in the night somewhere. That's the worst part, being lonely, and duking it out by yourself. But I know they'll be there to put the stool down for me. The Mudcat too! Clifton |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: SINSULL Date: 14 Nov 00 - 01:07 PM I am always fascinated by people who get upset over trivial stuff. But if a broken fingernail is the worst thing that has ever happened to you, it is a real trauma. A co-worker came in bitching about waiting online at the Post Office. I commented that if this is the worst thing that ever happens in her life, she will be a happy lady. Didn't make her happy. She insisted I didn't understand. I thought of the families burned to death in Austria and knew that I did. Troubles help you recognize the Good Times. hang in there Khandu. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: GUEST Date: 14 Nov 00 - 01:17 PM Khandu, Just keep having those birthdays , one every year. It will come good. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Morticia Date: 14 Nov 00 - 01:56 PM This has not been a good year for me,as many here will be able to testify and that's kind of the point I want to make......I've been through tough times before and I've done it pretty much alone, not because people wouldn't help but because they didn't know. I saw having a bad time as my own fault, my weakness, my pathetic inability to cope,no matter how awful the situation I was to blame and desperately ashamed. If I never learn another thing in my life, I am blessed that I learnt that it is okay not to be perfect, okay not to be able to cope and okay to ask for help.And now I do, and have done so on here more than once, and back has come love, support and warmth in measures inconceivable to me before now. Anything I can do for you Khandu, let me know.....I have a lot of blessings to repay.And Jon.....what Leej and Spaw said, doubled! |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: kendall Date: 14 Nov 00 - 02:05 PM Iron is tempered by fire, and, mankind by adversity. Seneca |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: kendall Date: 14 Nov 00 - 02:09 PM I dont know how others deal with it, but, humor is absolutely vital to my homeostasis. God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, The ability to recognize the ones I do like, and the eyesight to tell the difference. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Ebbie Date: 14 Nov 00 - 02:15 PM And let's not forget music. I remember once when, during a crisis, my brother sat by my bed for hours and just played his guitar. I was able to sleep for the first time in days. Ebbie |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Lanfranc Date: 14 Nov 00 - 02:31 PM As far as I am concerned, 2000 has been a right sod of a year where business and finance are concerned. A Company I spent ten years building has gone down the pan, but I have learned to live quite contentedly on an income reduced by 50%. I learned how to fire friends and even my own daughter, but somehow managed to retain their affection and respect. I have lost around a quarter of the money I was saving to retire, but I've come to terms with simpler tastes. I've been dumped on and defrauded by professionals, but at least I've learned how to recognise my real friends - they're the ones who were still there for me when things had gone pear-shaped. Someone once said "That which does not actually kill me makes me stronger". I'm starting to think that might just be true. Oh, and now I've got more time for my music. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Alice Date: 14 Nov 00 - 02:33 PM yes, humor, music, connecting with others, (hot baths and good books, too). |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Hollowfox Date: 14 Nov 00 - 02:38 PM Um, folks, one of the reasons we're all posting here is that we like something, blues, folk music, folklore, and all that related stuff. When we first came to the 'Cat, we found that we liked the place, and the other folks posting here. (Otherwise you wouldn't be reading this, right?) I've found that, when I'm down and thinking, "Oh, why bother going on?", that it pays to remember the things I enjoy. They can be as small as a good honest purr from a cat to looking forward to seeing friends next year at a folk festival. Once long ago, I thought about ending it all, and the thought of the heartbroken look that would come on a folksinger friend's face (I'm not saying who), stopped me right then. I didn't want to hurt that friend. Sorcha, the reason you see pain here is that we're friends, and you can let a friend know you need a kind thought. You're mistaken to think that you're powerless to stop it, though. A couple of weeks ago I posted that I needed a hug, and boy did I get them. Just knowing that there were people somewhere that give a s**t about me got me through, and things are better now. Powerless? Hardly. It seems to have started a trend. Maybe my astrologist friend is right and it's from some cosmic traffic jam. But I don't think it will overshadow the 'Cat's content. There's a self-regulating something that brings us back to the reason we started in the first place. Still, friends share news in their lives, as well as shared interests. Like the song says,"Good times and hard times, they're all worth the telling." |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: GUEST,Matt Date: 14 Nov 00 - 02:48 PM Some might say we will find a brighter day... |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: GUEST,khandu Date: 14 Nov 00 - 10:33 PM Overwhelmed. That is the condition that I have found myself in these past two evenings. Two evenings; two distinct attitudes. Yet, I was overwhelmed. The first evening, there was a prevailing sense of despair. Out of need to express it, I posted this thread. The next evening, there is a prevailing sense of gratitude, joy, peace, hope and faith. A sense of renewal. You have done this. You lifted my soul, for that I thank you. You strengthened my heart. You have been a cup of cool water to a thirsty soul. For that I love you. Each of you reached out with compassion to someone you know only through the printed word. And each one of you touched me. Your fingerprints are on my heart. The shadow of the "bridge" has ever been with me, yet Grace has always turned my feet. This time, Grace showed herself through you. But for my hunt-and-peck style and my weary fingers, I would thank each of you personally. You are all a very dear treasure to me. Forgive me for not naming each of you. Jon, your words reveal your heart and touch mine. We have Much in common. Press on, my friend, and you shall become what your last name says you are! Musicman, the analogy of the piece of wood has more meaning to me than you would realize. Sophocleese, you revived my laughter with your list. Beautiful! Alice, thank you for sharing your heartache. I cried over you hurt, and began to forget mine. Clifton, I have always admired Jerry Quarry for his refusal to quit, Thank you for reminding me. Morticia, you have already "done" for me. I appreciate you. Spaw, I am talking with my lawyer about suing you over the Jubilee story. Someone MUST stop you! :D Thank you for the kindness in your words. They mean the world to me. But, please, don't stop the Mississippi jokes. They are my favorite kind! To ALL of you, again I say, Thank you. I love y'all! khandu |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: flattop Date: 14 Nov 00 - 11:34 PM There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: DonMeixner Date: 14 Nov 00 - 11:58 PM There you go Khandu, If at first you don't Fricasaie, Fry, Fry, a hen.
Don |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: kendall Date: 15 Nov 00 - 04:38 PM I dont want to get into my core belief too much, but, I firmly believe that we are here to teach, to learn and to help each other. Everyone who comes into our lives does so for a reason, and when that reason no longer exists, they leave. The problem is, we dont always know what they were doing here. Clearly, we mudcat types play a role in each others lives. The support and love that gets passed around here is just what this world needs. When I say love, I mean positive energy mainly, although the romantic type is also nice. (As best I can recall) |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: CarolC Date: 15 Nov 00 - 08:53 PM Nicely said, kendall. Carol |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: kendall Date: 15 Nov 00 - 09:47 PM Thank you Carol. I am capable of serious thought. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: sophocleese Date: 15 Nov 00 - 10:21 PM Yeah, kendall, but under repeatable circumstances? |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Amos Date: 15 Nov 00 - 10:36 PM Wait a minute -- serious thought under repeatable circumstances--- isn't that an oxymoron? The quality of the most alive and full-powered thought is that it is totally in the moment -- otherwise it is a mix of thought and old copies.. Gee, wodda concept! A |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: GUEST Date: 15 Nov 00 - 10:56 PM Sophocleese - that list you posted above is one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life! ROTFLMAO!!! Then, of course, there's flattop's hairdo... (e.g.) - LH |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Little Hawk Date: 15 Nov 00 - 10:58 PM Oops! Forgot to reset the cookie! - LH |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Mary in Kentucky Date: 15 Nov 00 - 11:16 PM ...back to a serious discussion... Last Monday night PBS aired a two-hour show that was one of the best things I've seen on TV in years. The name of the show was "Return With Honor," and it was about the men who were prisoners in Vietnam. It was mostly 20 former prisoners telling their stories. Their words were so real, so serious and heroic, and yes, also humorous...just unbelievable. You can read about it at the PBS site, but this is no substitute for actually watching the program. I still remember many of the statements various men made, and I'll look for the program again. Makes my year (14 months beginning in 1993) look unimportant. I was downsized twice, diagnosed with MS, resigned a 3rd job I hated, and lost my insurance. Things eventually got better. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Matt_R Date: 15 Nov 00 - 11:20 PM Ever had one of those days! I chopped a chunk of my left index finger in a x-acto knife accident. No more guitar! --Matt |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: katlaughing Date: 16 Nov 00 - 01:26 AM Beautifully put, Kendall. Khandu, sorry I wasn't here earlier, since we are packing and moving it has been one of those weeks and I just had a chance to sit down and read this whole thread. I ahve always had ups and downs, some very traumatic and life-threatening, but the one thing that always helped me was to be able look at a situation and figure out what I might have learned from it, then move on. It's kept me from repeating some awful mistakes and helped me meet new challenges with experience and determination. In the past 2 years, my dear, beloved mother-in-law passed away suddenly, my own dear mother died unexpectedly, my old dog had to be put down, two cats dies of old age, and my youngest daughter moved out in a rage of that "I know everything" phase, then nearly didn't communicate with us for almost all of those two years, even being in the same town. Three years ago a heart condition became worse so that I've been tethered, like an astronaut on a spacewalk, to an oxygen bottle or concentrator. Humour has helped me cope with that a lot, esp. figuring out which cat was overcome with attack nibblies putting holes in my plactic line, thus cutting my air supply! Now they just ignore it and I am on my way to getting better. Everyone here has said so much of value and insight. I am glad you let us know how you were feeling and that you found it helpful. We are all a pretty good lot, aren't we? Alice, I am sorry, I only knew about your parents and aunt. I am sorry to hear of the others, too. Also, have been wondering how this year was going for you. Good to see you here. kat |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: GUEST,Guest/Ebbie Date: 16 Nov 00 - 01:54 AM Matt, I hope your finger heals quickly. Oh, if sometimes one could turn back the clock just 30 seconds! Ebbie |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: BigDaddy Date: 16 Nov 00 - 02:18 AM khandu can do! Wnenever despair and darkness begin to drag you down, come to the mudcat as you did this time. There's obviously a large community here who wishes you all the best. I, too, first thought of responding with "one of those years, how about one of those decades/lifetimes, etc." I won't presume to say we've all been there, or "we know how you feel." Just know that you're not alone and never have to be. Sending you warm and kind thoughts and the love of a fellow traveller... |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Little Neophyte Date: 16 Nov 00 - 07:06 AM Whenever I am feeling down about the 'hand of cards' I have been dealt, I do think about how others have it worse off than me. For instance, yesterday I rented the movie Silence Of The Lambs to scare the shit out of me so that I would realize my life ain't so bad. Little Neo |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: kendall Date: 16 Nov 00 - 12:18 PM Kat and Matt..double JEEZ!! |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: kendall Date: 16 Nov 00 - 02:20 PM Some years ago I cut out a Frank & Ernest comic and stuck it to the back of my guitar. One was standing there with a set of highland pipes, and saying to the other, "I've decided to stop living a life of quiet desperation" |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: sophocleese Date: 16 Nov 00 - 03:14 PM Now I like that one kendall. I'll have to look for it. I'm glad others got a kick out of the list of things I posted. I certainly laughed when I first saw it myself. |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Bat Goddess Date: 16 Nov 00 - 07:44 PM This seems to be a transitional year for just about everyone I know. That's not necessarily a bad thing. I have a friend who is in the Peace Corps in El Salvador, another who moved back to England to be close to her father, others who have lost close relatives or friends or are facing major health problems. I lost my father in May, a significant cat in June and my secure comfortable job in September. And we had a not-exactly-invited house guest and no privacy from just before Memorial Day until just after labor Day. (Well, when a friend needs a place to stay, you can't throw him out in the street.) Maybe I'm just too much of an optimist (is there such a thing?) but I'd never consider suicide if only because I'd be too afraid of missing something. Besides, everything seems to be working out for the better. It may be work to get there, but all in all, life seems to improve. At least this time when my life has been in crisis, no one's been trying to kill me. (Long story.) Hang in there. Bat Goddess |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Lanfranc Date: 16 Nov 00 - 08:04 PM Matt R, If it's just a flesh wound, you should be all right in time, I had a similar injury many years ago, but on my right hand, so it just changed my fingerpicking style for a while. If it was a complete amputation, it could be worse, remember John Wayne Bobbit! If it's your left hand, you'll just have to get used to playing imaginative chord shapes - remember Django Rheinhardt, and don't despair. Or play left-handed. It's a bummer, though.
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: Matt_R Date: 16 Nov 00 - 10:12 PM It looks like it will be ok, but it's really getting hard that I can't play guitar. And especially after this morning, I heard the most gorgeous song Oasis ever has done. Completely acoustic, just Noel, an acoustic guitar, and a acoustic slide guitar---called "Take Me Away". It was so beautiful I just laid my head on the desk and cried. What a wonderful thing to experience today... |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: momnopp Date: 16 Nov 00 - 10:26 PM . . .nobody ever had a rainbow baby until he had the rain. . . -Jim Croce "Tomorrow's Gonna Be A Brighter Day" I've become fond of saying about many things in my life, "it's a blessing as well as a curse." Particularly things that pertain to me as a parent. But as the days pass by and I see the interconnectedness of things and people, I find it easier to appreciate my blessings as well as my curses. I've been working on whittling down to "one of those days" or "one of those afternoons" rather than "one of those weeks, months, years," etc. I'm quite certain that there are only two reasons I'm still around. One is that I've been successful at unearthing groups of people who love as I do; deeply and passionately. The other is a stubborn case of deeply entrenched optimism. I've discovered that when I share it with others, it grows. Kind of like a fungus. . . :-) Much love and chocolate, JudyO |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: SINSULL Date: 17 Nov 00 - 12:12 PM dAMN, mATT! dIDN'T YOU LEARN ANYTHING FROM THE bOBBY oJEDA FIASCO? bASEBALL AND GUITAR PLAYERS SHOULDN'T PLAY WITH SHARP INSTRUMENTS! hOPE IT'S BETTER SOON. mARY |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: GUEST,kendall Date: 17 Nov 00 - 02:23 PM You should see me cringe when I watch Gordon Bok running a band saw! |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: GUEST Date: 17 Nov 00 - 03:30 PM Just now, I'm wondering whether I've had 'one of those lives' I try my best, I do good things, yet I always end up being messed about. I treat my girlfriends as well as I can, but guys who beat women up seem to have more success... Who knows? John |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: DougR Date: 17 Nov 00 - 03:31 PM WW: You tryin' to define the meaning of "IS?" DougR |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: WyoWoman Date: 17 Nov 00 - 05:01 PM Is IS, isn't it? It just IS ... ww |
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Subject: RE: Ever had one of those years? From: mousethief Date: 17 Nov 00 - 05:06 PM On Sinsull's behalf: dAMNED cAPSLOCK!
O..O |
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