BS: My Mom's time has come!

Subject: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: 3refs
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 07:15 AM

With all I've been through in my life, now comes the hardest decision. My Mother has been hospitalized since Sept 30, turned 93 in October, and today I go for a meeting with the Doc's to take her off all life preserving medications because the cancer is so advanced. I'd sooner be back in jail!

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 07:22 AM

Sorry but if you love her and remember all the things she did for you, just take this as doing the best for her as you should.

It just ain't easy..............and for what its worth, you have my very best thoughts coming your way and whatever tiny support that it may be worth,

Much Love to you and all who support you........and to your Mom for an easy passing.

Pat

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: John on the Sunset Coast
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 08:07 AM

My condolences to you. You must make the hardest decision of your life. But you do her no favor by allowing her to remain as she is. Please celebrate her life, say good-bye in the best way you can, and give her release, if she cannot make that decision for herself.

You will miss her terribly, but you will have all the wonderful memories of your life with her, and I pray they will sustain you.

Like 'spaw, I wish you the very best, and a better place for your mother.

John

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Hawker
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 08:09 AM

Holding your hand and reassuring you that whatever you decide is the best decision for you and your mom. Sometimes we remove the suffering from a pet and know that it is right, but when it is your own mother, it is a harder decision to make. Sometimes the greatest way to show you love someone is to let them go. Hugs to you and yours. be strong. xx

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: GREEN WELLIES
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 08:14 AM

This is truly the hardest thing you will ever have to do. I feel so sad for you. Have courage and remember the good times - you are freeing her from pain, something no doctor can do. Good luck. My thoughts are with you. xx

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 08:47 AM

I wish I had some words that would make today easier for you. You'll be in my prayers.

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: SINSULL
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 08:57 AM

I am sorry. Stay strong and do what you know is right for her.
Mary

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Wesley S
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 09:00 AM

I'll be thinking of you too. It's a tough decision to make but you'll do the right thing.

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 09:05 AM

Thinking of you.

((hugs))

Khatt

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 09:15 AM

(((3refs)))

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 09:32 AM

You're telling her that she can move on, that she's done all she can for you. It's tough, I know.

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: gnu
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 09:44 AM

Thoughts and prayers.

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Janie
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 10:22 AM

Thinking of you and your family, 3refs.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: open mike
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 10:57 AM

wishing you the strength to do what must be done, and the energy to
make the right decision. I hope the doctor is able to offer wisdom
and compassion in this difficult moment.

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Ebbie
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 11:00 AM

You have had her all your life and you know what? You will never lose her. Bless you both.

Eb

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: KT
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 11:29 AM

Right, Ebbie!

All the best to you 3refs, as you walk this part of the journey. Will be thinking of you ~
KT

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: GUEST,Skivee, From a Friend's Comp
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 11:35 AM

Thinking of you and your mom

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Bobert
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 11:37 AM

So sorry, refs...

My mom is pushing 91 and it's easy to say, "Well, she has had a long fruitfull life" but its going to be ver hard when she passes...

Say "Hey" to her from this old hillbilly, will ya, and let her know that she is in my thoughts...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Tinker
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 11:47 AM

Sending off blessings and light to you both as you continue on your journey. As the path forks and your journeys meander in differing directions, take strength from the times when you shared your best with each other and know that those times have brought you both to exactly where you are meant to be right now.

Loving care and cyber hugs

Tinker

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: eddie1
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 11:52 AM

Hi refs
Can't add much to what folks have already said but I've already told my daughter that if the only way to keep me alive is artificially, it means I don't have any meaningful life left and to let me go while I still have some dignity.

Thinking of you mate!

Eddie

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 12:04 PM

I cannot think of a greater blessing for a loved one than to have someone compassionate and loving, such as yourself, to assist in that final release. I wish I had been there to do that for my dad. Lots of hugs and thoughts of calm peace and knowing what is the right thing to do for the highest good of all concerned...please come back when you need us and let us know how we can help.

In Peace Profound,

kat

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Dorothy Parshall
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 01:31 PM

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/lynnwaddington/journal/2

Some may be interested in reading this journal kept by a friend of mine whose partner died on Halloween. Lynn stopped eating, then stopped drinking in order to hasten her passage "through the veil". A deeply spiritual woman, she did not fear death but, having done her very best to stay healthy, she reached the point of believing death was the preferred option. With the support of dear friends, she was able to make the transition with the same grace as she had lived a beautiful life.

A second friend is now posting on caring bridge as he, at 83, chooses not to fight the lung cancer diagnosed last month.
"The biggest part for me is the opportunity for an end-of-life celebration with family and friends. Just as I spent last year planning that wonderful Hill Island adventure with family and kayaking buddies, I will be looking for ideas and partners to celebrate a wonderful life, particularly with youse guys."

So many good posts on this thread. My dear friend (95) who died very suddenly in September, told us a few minutes earlier that "my Dorothy is here" - his wife who had died a year earlier. Perhaps she was there for him.

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Dorothy Parshall
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 01:33 PM

PS: I am grateful that my son has agreed to let me go when I say it is time. That is a gift he will give me.

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Charley Noble
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 02:11 PM

3 refs-

I would do the same for my parents if either were in that condition (and a doctor were in agreement).

My sympathies and condolences.

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 02:45 PM

Dear 3refs

I am so terribly sorry for your pain and your mother's.

Please try to make the last days as comfortable and as full of happy memories as you can. Surround her with light. Sit with her, remember out loud together, the stories of your childhood. Thank her again and again for the amazing things she has taught you, the life she provided you. Promise that if its meant to be that you will find each other again.

My thoughts are with you.

Tam

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: GUEST,number 6
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 02:47 PM

you have my sympathies and prayers.

It's a hard decision to make .... whew.

biLL

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 04:08 PM

I am so sorry to read this, very sorry , you have my deepest sympathies always

Dan

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Beer
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 05:30 PM

This is really tough man. We lost Mum in 2007 with similar circumstances. Its not easy. My thoughts are with you.
Adrien

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: 3refs
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 06:27 PM

You find strength in the most unusual places!

I suspect that I'll never have the good fortune to meet any of you in person. I want you all to know that your words of kindness, and the guidance you've provided, are immeasurable!

God bless you all!

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Joybell
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 06:35 PM

My thoughts too, as you prepare to give your Mom the ulimate gift.
Joy

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: EBarnacle
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 07:18 PM

If her mental status is at a point where she is in no condition to participate in the decision, she has already told you what needs doing. It is difficult but there is no point in continuing this sort of existence.

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Gweltas
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 01:01 AM

You are in my thoughts and prayers.
XX.

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Hawker
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 03:03 AM

Still holding you in my thoughts.x

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: folk1e
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 06:56 AM

I lost my dad to cancer, even got to hold his hand when he went!
I also lost my wife this year so I can appreciate your situation.
The only positive thing I can sugest is that if the situation were reversed, what would you want to happen? Do not feel guilty, you are almost certainly preventing further suffering! What greater gift can you give?

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Maryrrf
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 10:18 AM

Add me to the list of those who send my concern and encouragement at this difficult time. I concur with those who have said that, to assist a loved one on their final journey, so that they may leave this plane of existence with dignity, is a privilege and honor. Whatever the case, I hope your mother's passing is gentle and peaceful.

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: maeve
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 10:26 AM

3refs- A family member had to make that choice for his much loved wife. It was hellish for him but it was what he had promised her.

May you and your mother be surrounded by loving kindness.

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 11:51 AM

So sorry my friend.

I agree with what has been said before - if there is no quality of life then the most loving thing you can do is to help your mother to pass as easily and with as much grace as possible.

It's clear that she was a good mother to you and was there when you needed her for the whole of your life. Now's the time for you to return that love.

Good thoughts coming from Maine.

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: vectis
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 01:59 PM

I had to make this same decision for my Dad a couple of years ago and let him go.

Don't waste a single second of the time you have left or leave a question unasked (if she can still answer it) or you will regret it.
Blessings and all hopes for an easy and early end to her suffering.

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: fat B****rd
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 03:51 PM

My very best thoughts and kind regards to you at this sad time
Charles in Dunfermline

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: gnu
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 04:01 PM

3.... some advice to consider...

Hold her hand, tell her how much you love her, thank her for everything.. and tell her this... you will be okay.

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 04:45 PM

Your Mum is very lucky to have a child like you.

Being able to be with someone when they pass on is an absolute gift, and that is a gift on both sides...I held my Dad's hand as he died..and I saw how at peace he was instantly he'd passed on to the next phase of his 'life'...

It's right, somehow....being there with your Mum as she starts the next part of her journey, just as she was there with you when you started on your journey into this world.

She'll never be far away from you, always close by...always connected in that circle of life that binds each and every one of us to those we love so much. Just give her a kiss, tell her you love and then...let her fly...and let her fly knowing that there will be other arms to instantly hold her through her next journey, and she will never be alone.


And this thread illustrates the Real Beauty that is Mudcat.

Love and Peace to you, fellow Mudcatter, and I know that your Mum will be just fine, so don't you worry too much.

Lizzie x

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: open mike
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 05:14 PM

there was a beautiful passage in a book by Aldous Huxley called
Island...where an adult "child" was with their mother at the end
of her life...

the main thing i remember about this is that the character was
holding their mother's hand telling her it was ok to let go..
to go towards the light she was seeing..

this was something that i recalled when attending my own mothers' last days...letting her know that it was ok to let go...she had
been holding on for so many days...

the passing is often difficult for the one who is
"going" as well as for those of us who are "staying"

I read this passage in the car decades before, while the
family was on the way to my grandmother's funeral..
it brought me great relief.

best of passages to you...and to your mom.

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: skarpi
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 05:26 PM

All the best to you 3refs.
this is way we all go , nothing is forever unless
we go somewhere else after this life into the next one .

we all have our path to go .

All the best Skarpi Iceland

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Lox
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 05:32 PM

How horrifically painful.

You have my deepest understanding.

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 07:03 PM

My heart goes out to you--no matter their age, it is never easy losing a parent. But she has been so fortunate--think of her pain if you had died before her. Things are in their proper order. Hold her hand, tell her you love her, tell her you will be okay. Even if you aren't sure if she can hear you, tell her this, because I'm sure she can hear you, in her heart, if not through her ears.

Take care, stay healthy, be well.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Amergin
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 08:34 PM

God that is awful....I hope I never have to go through it...it's tough enough making the decision for a pet...

That being said sometimes the best decisions are the hardest ones to make...

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 02:45 AM

Lizzie - It's right, somehow....being there with your Mum as she starts the next part of her journey, just as she was there with you when you started on your journey into this world.

Brought tears to my eyes.

Still here with you 3Refs. Yes I make repeat visits to these threads. Don't always leave a message. Just a ritual of directing my thoughts to those in need.

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 09:55 AM

Still here with you 3Refs. Yes I make repeat visits to these threads. Don't always leave a message. Just a ritual of directing my thoughts to those in need.

Nicely put VT - I do the same.

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: gnu
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 04:55 PM

Me too.

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Janie
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 05:48 PM

And me four, 3refs.

I check in at least once daily, and continue to hold you and your mother to the light.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Tinker
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 08:44 PM

Remember that we all stand here with you.... day and night.... watching and wating in community


tinker

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: maeve
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 10:09 PM

Another one here.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 13 Nov 09 - 02:49 PM

I'd like to say, that if ever I am in the position 3Refs Mom is, I hope the one I love who has to make the tough decision to take me off meds, life support, whatever, will do just that.

I will need him/her to be strong for me, if I cannot answer for myself.

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Nov 09 - 02:03 PM

3Refs, sorry to hear about your Mom and the decision you are left with. We had to make the same decision with my mother-in-law. I wish I had learned something from the experience to tell you that would make your path easier. I didn't. But at least know that you are not the only one who has had to walk that path. God bless.
- Phil

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Crow Sister (off with the fairies)
Date: 14 Nov 09 - 02:16 PM

Good luck man, and best wishes.

I lost my Mum last year, but remembering that her very blood, life-force - and all the years of learning from her example, remained in 'flesh and blood' within *me*, reminded me on the day she died that I very literally, I would never be separated from her - even in death.

You'll find the strength you need to make the choices you need to make, *from* those tough times that you've been through before... x

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: sing4peace
Date: 14 Nov 09 - 04:24 PM

You are in our thoughts, our prayers as we wish you peace of heart and the comfort of knowing you are standing in the Light of compassion.

In sympathy,
Joyce

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: 3refs
Date: 17 Nov 09 - 10:48 AM

Things I wish I could say now!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXvwgNVhz88&NR=1

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Hollowfox
Date: 17 Nov 09 - 07:01 PM

Somehow I thought I'd posted to this back on the tenth. 3refs, a $#@!-reduction candle series has been going for you and your mother since this thread started. It's to help things go as smoothly as possible, you know, and keep the $#@! to a minimum. My heart goes out to you both.

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Tig
Date: 17 Nov 09 - 07:16 PM

(((((((((((((((((((((xxxxxxx)))))))))))))))))))

I wished we had been allowed to make this choice after my mum had her stroke. She suffered for another 2 years being 'peg fed', unable to talk or move.

Your mum has had a good, long life this time and hard though it is making this decision has been part of your 'learning' this time round.
Hug her and tell her how much you love her. She'll always be there for you in your mind if not in body.

Lots of love, hugs and bright blessings
Tig xxxx

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: 3refs
Date: 25 Nov 09 - 07:35 PM

My Mom passed away this morning at 10:00am.

Thanks for all your support!

R.W.R.

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 25 Nov 09 - 07:36 PM

RWR, you have been much on my mind and in my prayers.

(((your family)))

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Ebbie
Date: 25 Nov 09 - 08:17 PM

{{{{{{hug}}}}}

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: maeve
Date: 25 Nov 09 - 08:22 PM

Thinking of you tonight.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: frogprince
Date: 25 Nov 09 - 08:33 PM

"We gather together, to ask the Lord's blessing"

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 25 Nov 09 - 08:50 PM

Peace for all of you.

((((((Hugs))))))))))

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Janie
Date: 25 Nov 09 - 09:07 PM

Thank you 3refs, for allowing us to share in this process with you.

Holding you and all who loved your mother to the Light.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Leadfingers
Date: 25 Nov 09 - 09:17 PM

Commisserations !!!

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: EBarnacle
Date: 25 Nov 09 - 11:07 PM

As one who has lost several relatives over the years withing a few days of the same holiday, the only advice I can give you right now is to do you best not to tie the holiday to your loss. What is, is.

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 12:32 AM

Your Mum is at peace and beyond suffering now. May God comfort you and console you and her other loved ones. You are (and have been) in my thoughts and prayers. (((((((((((BIG HUG))))))))))))

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: gnu
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 05:47 AM

Thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Mooh
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 08:19 AM

You and yours have our hopes and prayers.

Peace, Mooh.

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 11:40 AM

Condolences to you and your family.

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 03:12 PM

3refs

You are in my thoughts. I know you will miss her and will wish it could have been different, time longer, suffering less.

Try to focus (I know from experience this is very hard) on the past joys and the fact that she is not suffering now.

She would want that, wouldn't she?

Tam

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: maire-aine
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 04:21 PM

Please accept my deepest condolences.

Maryanne

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: vectis
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 05:38 PM

Whilst you will be grieving for your Mum just remember that nothing can ever hurt her again.

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 07:36 PM

So sorry for your loss and so glad she is at peace. You remain in my thoughts and prayers.
Mary

Subject: RE: BS: My Mom's time has come!
From: Sandy Mc Lean
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 08:52 PM

My deepest sympathy!