Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Nov 11 - 02:58 AM

This takes me back to the end of our basic training in the British Army in 1959, when the detested Corporals who had been the bane of our life suddenly became human and introduced us to this song. We also sang the chorus version already given containing 'the elephant and the kangaroo-oo-oo-oo'. Thanks all for recapturing the memory. Brian.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: Bert
Date: 14 Nov 11 - 10:28 AM

...Making sense has never been a strong suit for those who sing this song...

I know Charlie, but I thought that the possibility of it being the original version might be of interest to some of the dyed in the wool folkies here.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: GUEST,pakamac
Date: 10 Aug 12 - 05:46 PM

"And in the next cage ladies and gentlemen, we have the Polar Bear"
" Ooh, ahh, the polar bear. What the f***in' hell is that?"
" One on side of the North pole lives an Englishman who keeps a private school. One th other side of the North pole is a Frenchman who keeps another private school. And right at the North Pole the polar bear slides down a glacier, keepin' 'is own privates cool!"

Oh, we're off ........

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: GUEST,pylortes
Date: 26 Apr 14 - 10:01 PM

from the old days civil war reenacting and camp fire songs...

the oo-ma-doodle bird, it from the antarctic, is had no legs, and when it come sin for a landing, it says, oo-ma-doodle, oo-ma-doodle..


next we have the mate to the antarctic oo-ma-doodle bird, the Oo-Ah bird.

the Oo-Ah bird lays square eggs, and every time it lays an egg you can hear it say..ooo-ahhh..ooo-ahhh..

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: GUEST,JTB
Date: 27 Apr 14 - 05:04 PM

I learned this song in the school bus going to our rugger games circa 1963.

Ringmaster: "Ladies and Gentlemen, tonight we have a man who claims he can perform miracles"
Audience: "Jesus Christ!"
Ringmaster: "Right first time, Madam".

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: GUEST,Wendy
Date: 03 May 14 - 06:53 AM

My parents sung this to us on long car trips in South Africa in the 70's.....

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 03 May 14 - 02:42 PM

A History and analysis of the song, discussing its very long and complex heritage will by the estimable Ed Cray. is scheduled for publication this spring by CAMSCO Music. Watch this space.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: GUEST,Joe Knight
Date: 16 Jun 14 - 11:08 PM

Learned this song around the drunken campfires of Lake Powell AZ in the 80s.

Don't know how it made the jump from the UK/AS to Western US, but thanks to all who have have passed it on throughout the planet. Amazing how the the refrain/corus has held up though the decades.

Learned many new lyrics tonight that I will add to my archive.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: Rog Peek
Date: 17 Jun 14 - 04:40 AM

I don't believe the square crocodile has been mentioned.
The square crocodile?
Yes, the square crocodile....has a square head, square legs, a square arse and he shits bricks!

Rog

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: eftifino
Date: 17 Jun 14 - 09:22 AM

I learnt the intro as follows:

Roll up, roll up! See the Fat Lady standing on the Skinny Man's
COCK your eye over here and see the leopard with the 14 spots on his
MICKEY, close the door there's a draught coming in from the elephant's
HOLE-d your tickets for the next performance please!

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: GUEST,Joe Kitchen
Date: 05 Aug 14 - 06:56 AM

I remember this as 'The Wild Beast Show' while serving with the R.A.F.in India in 1944.

I learned the following:

Next we have the Pfanga Pfanga bird who dives from the highest mountain peaks to the deepest part of the ocean bed to collect sardine farts for spirit levels'

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: Lighter
Date: 10 Aug 14 - 09:36 AM

> sardine farts for spirit levels

That *is* funny, Joe.

Do you remember any songs?

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 10 Aug 14 - 10:46 AM

"The Wild West Show--A Tangle of Tales and Titles" (Ed Cray) is now available from CAMSCO Music as the fifth in their series of "Occasional Papers in Folklore" This 147 page book traces the origins and variations of a song that Legman considered to be the oldest bawdy song in current ciculation, with roots extending back to Shakesperean times. Softcover. ($9.95+ S&H)

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: GUEST,Chorus
Date: 22 May 15 - 03:52 PM

Let me introduce the xxxxxx
Audience: fantastic, incredible, unbelievable,
The xxxxxx, what the fuck is that?
Then the main refrain followed by
'We're off to see the Wild West show, the elephant and the kangaroo ooh ooh ooh , never mind the weather, we'll all be together to see the Wild West Show
Wonderful thread with loads of extra lines, betore are invented even now 😀martin

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: GUEST,Eoin Bruce
Date: 19 Jan 17 - 02:52 AM

The OO Bird & The AAH Bird
The OO bird lives at the North Pole and the AAH bird lives at the south pole. Once a year the two of them meet on the Equator and the only sound that can be heard is "Ooo AAH, Ooo Aah".

Bob Clarke, a 2nd Engineer with Frank C Strick shipping line, taught many of us several verses by sheer repetition.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 19 Jan 17 - 04:15 AM

"Do you sing it?"
Sing?
I've always considered it a Cante-Fable
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Jul 17 - 06:59 AM

Used to sing this about 30yrs ago while camping with the olds... It was always a song headed by the most pissed up one of the night... Hehehe

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: GUEST,Guest...John Taylor
Date: 23 Jun 18 - 10:29 AM

I sang the song around a beer keg as a Kappa Alpha fraternity pledge in the 1950's at the University of South Carolina.
The verse I remember dealt with the horny skinned rhinocerous
..." step right up ladies and gentlemen and see the horny skinned rhinocerous. How do the natives kill the horny skinned rhinocerous??? Lift the tail and the arrows go in one by one" ...and "we are off to the Hamburger Zoo to see the elephant and the fighting kangaroo..."etc. Brings back good memories of good times.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 24 Jun 18 - 08:02 PM

Amazing that "The Wild West Show" is still very much alive. I probably already mentioned somewhere above that I first learned a version from the younger members of the Puleston Clan in Long Island, NY, back in the 1960s. The family patriarch Dennis Puleston was raised in England and was a source of many such ditties, including "The Ballad of Anthony Clair" referred to above, the juggler with the "large balls, balls as heavy as lead."

Charlie Ipcar

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: GUEST
Date: 15 May 19 - 07:28 AM

Sung it many a time when in the Royal Navy 1960's..........a few variations on the words, but basically the same song. It was always a favorite after a few pints.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 23 Jun 19 - 01:58 PM

Sang it with the Shantyboys in 1956 and remember Fi-Fi the the dancing lady: first she dances on her right foot, then she dances on her left foot and in between the two she makes a living. You won't find her cherry but can see the battered box in came in.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: GUEST,Alex now in Houston TX
Date: 12 May 20 - 11:24 AM

In the 60s I used to sing this with wee Al Bourne, Len Turnbull, and all the rest of us drunks in the 'Mally Arms an old pub in the south side of Glasgow Scotland. I found this thread while searching for the verse of 'The Hairy Horned Armored Armadillo' which I have forgotten! . I am still looking....

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: GUEST,Guest; now in Seattle
Date: 12 Jan 22 - 01:47 AM

Learned this in a British pub in Trinidad, WI...... The Pelican Inn. What fun to hear the sailors sing this when they were in port. Sang a verse at a dinner party tonight for the first time in 55 years. Recognized many of the verses. Great to see this post.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: G-Force
Date: 12 Jan 22 - 09:01 AM

Remember this from Uni in the 1960's.

We also had the Piebald Horse. The Piebald Horse?? The only animal I know with 3.1416 testicles!!

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Aug 22 - 11:56 AM

A favourite sung in our mess !! I remember the verse "ladies and gentlemen,. in the next cage we have the stange beast from borneo the orang outan he has one ball made of steel and one ball made of brass and as he swings through the trees they slap together and go orang gotang gotang !!!

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: Sol
Date: 29 Aug 22 - 12:48 PM

From my rugger days, vocalising on the back of the bus. >>>

And here we have the Walagawoomba bird. (What the **** is the...?)
The Walagawoomba bird flies to a height of 1000ft and then goes into a vertical nose-dive. When he is 6" off the ground he shouts "Walagawoomba!". To the average person, Walagawoomba means nothing but to the Walagawoomba bird it means "Help! I can't ******* stop!"

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: Lighter
Date: 30 Aug 22 - 12:33 PM

An American B-29 stationed in Alaska in 1947 was named "Kee Bird."

For "Kee-kee-Kerist, it's cold!"

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: GUEST,Gyro
Date: 14 Oct 24 - 12:02 PM

This song was a staple in American fighter squadrons in the 80s.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: GUEST,LarryG
Date: 02 Feb 25 - 06:00 PM

Trevor Jones left Avalon on Catalina Island in 1980 and moved to Lahaina, Maui. In May or June of that year, he was auditioning to be the house entertainer at the Pioneer Inn in Lahaina. My submarine happened to be anchored off Lahaina that weekend as a reward for successfully completing a major inspection. I met Trevor there that afternoon and he asked if we could get some people to show up that night for his audition. We agreed and passed the word around. Soon it became a ship's party at the Pioneer Inn and we completely filled the place. Trevor played his guitar and sang, we drank and sang, and the bar literally ran out of alcohol--so they were borrowing booze from other bars in the area. It turned into one of the best parties I've ever attended and, because we drank the bar dry, the decision to hire Trevor was made without question. Last reports had Trevor playing guitar and singing at the Rula Bula Irish Pub in Tempe, AZ.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: GUEST,Larry G
Date: 02 Feb 25 - 06:09 PM

Two of Trevor Jones's favorite verses were "the Bengal Tiger" (gentlemen: a 500-pound pussy that eats you) and "the Humpback Whale" (ladies: a member of the animal kingdom with a tongue 10 feet long and a hole on top of his head to breathe through).

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 03 Feb 25 - 03:07 PM

Nice to see this old thread revived.

Cheerily,
Charlie Ipcar

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: GUEST,A collection of Verses.
Date: 05 May 25 - 02:47 PM

We sing this at events for the Hash House Harriers. - Shoe Said Head

The GEE-RAFF – The Gee-Raff is the most popular animal in the animal kingdom. Why? Well, every time he goes into a bar he says, "Gentlemen, the high-balls are on me!" OH!

The BEN-GAL tiger - The Bengal Tiger is the only 555 pound pussy that eats YOU! OH!

The ORANG-UTANG - The Orang-Utang lives in the deepest jungles of Borneo, and he has two enormous balls. One ball is made of brass, the other is made of silver. And when he jumps from one tree to another, his balls go: Orang-u-tang, Orang-u-tang. OH!

The LAUGHING HYENA – The Laughing Hyena lives far up in the hills and once every year he comes down to eat. Once every two years he comes down to drink, and once every three years he comes down for sexual intercourse. What the hell he has to laugh about, I don't know. OH!

The FUGAHWEE TRIBE – The Fugahwee Tribe, ladies and gentlemen, is composed of people of small stature - yes sir, short arses, quite right, sir - the live in the center of the African safari, where the grass grows to an incredible height of 10 feet or more, and all day long the members of this tribe wander through the tall grass crying, "Where the Fugahwee? Where the Fugahwee?" OH!

The NORTH AMERICAN PORCUPINE – The North American Porcupine’s quills are so razor sharp that no living creature dares approach him. How does he fuck? Very carefully! OH!

The SOUTH AMERICAN PORCUPINE – The South American Porcupine is a very strange creature indeed. It is the only creature in the world with 10,000 pricks and no Mrs. Porcupine. No , he is not for sale! OH!

The WINKY-WANKY BIRD - By some strange happening, the nervous system of The Winky-Wanky bird’s eyelids is connected to its foreskin. Every time it winks, it wanks and every time it wanks, it winks. And if it gets sand in its eye, it’ll going into a never-ending cycle of winking and wanking until it passes out! OH!

The ZEEBRA – The ZeeBra is the only creature in the whole wide world that is 26 sizes bigger than the A-BRA! OH!

The CONSTIPATED ELEPHANT - The Constipated Elephant has an enormous appetite. In one day, it eats two tons of hay, one dozen bunches of bananas, twenty buckets of rice, and fifty pounds of prunes to cure its constipation. "Ma’am, please don't stand too near the elephant's backside... Ma’am.... MA’AM! MA’AM! Too late! Uhm..Janitor! Can you go dig her out!? OH!

The HIMALAYAN MOUNTAIN GOAT – The Himalayan Mountain Goat is the pretty little four-footed animal you see on your right, ladies and gentlemen, and has the peculiarity that every time it leaps from rock to rock it farts, and the scientists are still trying to discover whether it farts because it leaps or whether it leaps because it farts. OH!

The CALENDAR LEO-PARD - Yes folks, the Calendar Leopard has 365 spots - one spot on its coat for every day of the year. What’s that? What about leap year? "Well, to see that, you lift up the leopard's tail!" OH!

The EFF-EFF-EFF-bird -The EFF-EFF-EFF bird flies at tremendous height, then suddenly it takes a dive straight towards the earth. One yard above the ground it opens its wings, and just one inch above the ground it takes a last second turn while calling out: “That was EFF-EFF-EFF-fucking close!” OH!

THE TATTOOED LADY – The Tattooed Lady has a W tattooed on her left cheek. And the Tattooed Lady has another W on her right cheek! And when she bends over it spells WOW! And when she does cartwheels you can read "WOW MOM WOW." OH!

ANOTHER Tattooed Lady: On the inside of her left thigh, she has tattooed “Merry Christmas!”. And on the inside of her right thigh, she has tattooed “Happy New Year!” and she'd like to invite you to come between the holidays! OH!

ANOTHER GODDAMNED Tattooed Lady: This gal has a tattoo of Mike Tyson on one thigh, and a tattoo of George Foreman on the other - and it looks like Don King in the middle. OH!

The FINAL tattooed lady. On one leg she has tattooed FIRE, on the other leg she has tattooed BRIMSTONEŠ and in between, it looks like HELL. OH!

The AHH-OOH BIRD – The well-known Ahh-Ooh Bird is from Lake Titicaca, and as you will observe if you look carefully, it has no legs, and is named what it is, ladies and gentlemen, because when the Oooh-Ahhh bird comes down to land on the cold water, you can hear him splash into the cold water and cry out, "OOOH! AHHH!" OH!

The OYOYMEEBALLS Bird -The Oyoymeeballs Bird is a large bird that builds a nest out sticks and brambles. The Oyoymeeballs Bird has very short legs and very big genitals. And every time it lands it yells: “OY-OY-ME-BALLS!” OH!

The PI-BALD PONY – The PI-BALD Pony is a strange, very small animal, and it has Balls which are exactly 3.14159 inches around! OH!

The POLAR BEAR – The Polar Bear lives next to a large triangular iceberg. This is an uncommon sight, ladies and gentlemen, because on one side of the iceberg you will see a French keeping a private school, on the second side you will see an Canadian keeping a private school, while on the third side you will observe the Polar Bear sliding up and down, up and down, belly first, keeping his privates cool. OH!

The POLAR BEAR from the FROZEN ARCTIC– The Polar Bear of the Frozen Arctic is a mighty beast who goes swimming in the frozen ocean by diving into holes in the ice. A wise old hunter sneaks up to the hole and places a circle of frozen peas around it. When the Polar Bear comes up for a pea, the hunter kicks him in the IceHole! OH!

The ANTIQUE SALES LADY - The Antique Sales Lady only sells period furniture - everything has stains on it. OH!

The HUMPBACK WHALE – Helloooo Ladies! The Humpback Whale is a member of the animal kingdom that has a 10 foot long tongue and a hole in the top of its cranium to breath through so it doesn’t need a break! OH!

The WILD MAN FROM BORNEO - The Wild Man from Borneo is only man in the world without a fundamental orifice. What's that - how does he shit? He doesn't shit. That's what makes him so fucking wild. OH!

The ROCK 'N ROLL STAR PRINCE - The Rock’N Roll Star Prince is living proof that Little Richard and Liberace had sex! OH!

The HORNY SKINNED RHINO-SORE-ASS – The Horny Skinned Rhino-Sore-Ass, ladies and gentlemen, is reputed to be the toughest beast in all of Africa. It’s tough hide repels projectiles. What’s that? How did the natives kill the Horny Skinned Rhino-Sore-Ass? They’d lift its tail and send the arrows in one by one! OH!

The GHOST PEPPER BIRD - The GHOST Pepper Bird only eats fiery peppers and because of that it has to fly backwards to keep it's asshole cool! OH!

The MALE ALLIGATOR – The Male Alligator is our very most important animal in the animal kingdom because each year the female alligator swims upstream to lay a thousand eggs and following her is the male alligator who eats nine hundred and ninety-nine of the eggs; So, you see without the male alligator, we'd be up to our asses in alligators! OH!

The SQUARE CROCODILE – The Square Crocodile has a square head, square teeth, square legs, and a square ass and would you believe it? He shits bricks! OH!

The HORNED PANDA OWL – The Horned Panda Owl is the only bird in the whole wide world that eats, shoots and leaves! OH!

The HOUDINI BIRD – The Houdini bird comes from the deepest jungles of the Amazon. They appear in great big flocks and when they fly they fly in constantly decreasing circles at ever increasing speeds and until each bird flies its head into the asshole of the bird in front of it and at this time the Houdini bird gives out its signature mating cry “HEY! I CAN’T SEE SHIT!” OH!

The KEE-KEE-KEE BIRD – The Kee-Kee-Kee Bird is from the frozen reaches of far northern Canada. If lucky enough to see one in its native habitat, you may see it call as it flies “Kee-Kee-Kee-CHRIST IT’S COLD UP HERE!” OH!

The ASSTRECH – The Assstrech is the largest bird in the world, it’s so big it cannot fly. An Assstrech is so big, it lays a 7 pound egg! And whenever the ASSTRETCH lays an egg, its Ass Stretches! OH!

BINGO, BANGO, and BONGO The ACROBATIC MONKEYS – (describe the acrobatic routine of the monkeys, making sure to include lots of descriptions of jumps, somersaults, flips, twists, uneven bars, pommel horses, vaults, balance beams, kicks, 360° spins,

The GOODBYE BIRD AT THE SAN DIEGO ZOO - Well the GoodBye Bird is at the very end of the zoo, at the end of the road, way back in the last cage. And as all the little schoolchildren in their schoolbusses are leaving for the Zoo for the day, the GoodBye bird calls out to them “Fuck Off Kids!” OH!

The Fight between the Snake and the Ostrich - (Please note that this one is only limited by one's imagination, the patience of the audience, and the ability of one's vocal chords to withstand strain. So far the Guineas Book of Records doesn't list the length of the longest known version, but 15 minutes would be considered normal. What follows are the barest details only, embellish them as you will) “In the left-hand corner, ladies and gentlemen, stands the ostrich” (to be followed by a brief life history of the contestant, fight record, size of jock strap, etc), “while in the right-hand corner stands the snake” (ditto, above). “And there, ladies and gentlemen, goes the bell for the first round”. Following is a description of the battle. This round, and each subsequent round should take at least five minutes of fast talking, until finally the snake dives into the ostrich's mouth, wriggles swiftly though its stomach and comes out of its asshole. Because of this maneuver, the first round goes to the snake. After the applause dies down, Descriptions of subsequent rounds are mainly variations of the first with the snake winning each by the same stratagem. This continues until the final round where the story-teller's art is eliminated at the end of the round when the snake dives into the ostrich's mouth wriggles swiftly through its stomach and is about to emerge when the ostrich shoves its beak up its asshole and says, "Now loop-the-loop, you bastard!"

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Sep 25 - 09:06 AM

YouTube has a version where the verses are in rhyming verse (and with other embellishments, such as a very Long and mock-serious preamble) at https://youtu.be/Zh59h7XQvV0?si=CyzQ9lF42GNFs_I1

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'The Wild West Show'. Do you sing it?
From: keberoxu
Date: 14 Sep 25 - 07:48 PM

I recall the matinee version of "Fugawi" as "Heck-awi"
That's the one I heard on network television back when it was censored.
No, they weren't singing the Wild West Show on that show, either.