BS: P-Vine is tryin' to kill me...

Subject: RE: BS: P-Vine is tryin' to kill me...
From: Amergin
Date: 14 Oct 06 - 08:04 PM

"Okay, I got a knot on my forehead from the rake and it's still real sore..."

Maybe she isn't trying to kill you at all....maybe she is just trying to knock some sense into you...or change you into a republican....which is just as bad.

Subject: RE: BS: P-Vine is tryin' to kill me...
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Oct 06 - 08:07 PM

Okay, Bobert. Listen up. This sort of thing once happened to me.

I was outside working around the house when I stepped on what I later figured were the tines (that's the pointy things) of the rake. It sprung upon me, and it was only by sheer good luck and my famous of Avoiding Things That Could Really, Really Hurt did it miss my forehead and simply clip off one of my ears (later sewn back on by my wife, who's a pretty good sewer).

Well, I seized the thing as it was trying to lay back down in the grass and whacked it so hard against a tree that it broke.

Good thing, too. My neighbor, a herpetologist (a guy that for some reasons studies snakes) saw it laying there and told me that it was a Great Poisonous Rakesnake. These critters lay in grass and you don't step on 'em, they jump up and whack you in the head and if you fall down they swaller you jist like a common ol' rattler swallers a mouse.

Iffen I was you, I'd thank my lucky stars that I didn't fall down. As it is, I'm sure glad my wife could git my head under the working parts of her Singer machine and sew my ear back on, even if she did use one of them fancy-shmancy stitches.

Subject: RE: BS: P-Vine is tryin' to kill me...
From: Bobert
Date: 14 Oct 06 - 08:41 PM

Hey, Rap.... My wife cuts my danged ear off an' I'm not goin' nowhere near her Singer... I'm goin' to the E.R... An' driving myself and the cut off ear mah self...

Fir sure on that one....

Subject: RE: BS: P-Vine is tryin' to kill me...
From: frogprince
Date: 15 Oct 06 - 08:22 PM

Confidential to the P-Vine: Get it over with, so we don't hafta listen to all this whining!

Subject: RE: BS: P-Vine is tryin' to kill me...
From: Ebbie
Date: 15 Oct 06 - 08:46 PM

Epitaph: I Told You So

Subject: RE: BS: P-Vine is tryin' to kill me...
From: Bobert
Date: 15 Oct 06 - 08:52 PM

Thanks, Eb.... Yeah, put that on my tombstone....

Subject: RE: BS: P-Vine is tryin' to kill me...
From: Ebbie
Date: 15 Oct 06 - 09:04 PM

Give yourself a big hug, Bobert. If it feels good to you, go ask the P-Vine for one. Bet she'll oblige.

On the other hand, if your hug does NOT feel good to you, take heed.

Subject: RE: BS: P-Vine is tryin' to kill me...
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 06 - 09:10 PM

That's great advice, Bobert. But don't do take it if the P-Vine is holding a butcher knife in either hand (or both).

Subject: RE: BS: P-Vine is tryin' to kill me...
From: DougR
Date: 16 Oct 06 - 02:42 PM

Has your morning tea or coffee begun to taste a bit bitter, Bobert?

DougR

Subject: RE: BS: P-Vine is tryin' to kill me...
From: Megan L
Date: 16 Oct 06 - 03:00 PM

Advice to P-Vine

Make sure you check where he has hidden the life insurrance
Make sure he has at least doubled the value
Make sure a leg of lamb is well frozen
once you have done him in put the lamb in the oven 30 min per pound at a medium should do it. then when the police come cry about the wasted dinner that should get rid of the evidence

Subject: RE: BS: P-Vine is tryin' to kill me...
From: Amos
Date: 16 Oct 06 - 04:09 PM

Bobert:

My advice: sit down with the P-Vine and go over this thread and share your feelings with her.

Make sure you do this in a room with only soft objects in it.


A

Subject: RE: BS: P-Vine is tryin' to kill me...
From: Bobert
Date: 16 Oct 06 - 07:35 PM

Ah ha!!!

God is on my side... I just know it... Right after the rake incident, God inflicted the poor gal with a nasty back spasm and so she's been too crippled up fir the last couple 'er 4 days to set any additional traps...

Of course I feel terrible fir her but, hey...

...I'm still here, ain't I???

An' life is good...

Tonight, that is...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: P-Vine is tryin' to kill me...
From: Bee
Date: 16 Oct 06 - 09:50 PM

Hmmmm.... I think we're being set up here, folks. The poor P-Vine is the one that's actually hurtin' and where was Bobert when that happened, I wonder? But sly ol' Bobert can point to this thread when the ambulance and paramedics and then the forensics fellas arrive and say: "See? It was self defense, fer shur!"