Second Joke Thread for 2007

Subject: RE: Second Joke Thread for 2007
From: Mrrzy
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 01:12 PM

Red Rory o' th' Glen

The story is told of the English Regiment marching through the Highlands of Scotland (when English Regiments were wont to do such). As they passed through a very narrow defile, a voice mocked them from above.

"I'm Red Rory of the Glen," the voice called. "And I challenge you! Send up your best man."

The Colonel of the Regiment looked up to the hilltop and beheld the BIGGEST Scot he had ever seen. His kilt-girthed form must have stood 7 foot and the Claymore in his hand would dwarf most men.

Again the challenge echoed across the hills. "I'm Red Rory of the Glen and I challenge you! If anyone amongst you would dare to call himself 'Champion', then send him up!"

The Colonel, unwilling to let this challenge to the flower of English Soldiery pass unanswered, called over his Adjunct. "Major," he seethed, "send up the Regiment's champion. I want this Scot's head!"

And so the Champion went forth. Up the hill he strode, confidence in every step, to do battle with this Challenger. The Challenger roared his mirth and stepped over the crest, out of site; the Champion followed. Soon the sounds of battle rolled over the hill and the Regiment waited. And then, THUMP Thump thump.... A head! Rolling down the hill came a head. And then, from the hilltop, came the rumble of the Challenger's laughter. "I'm Red Rory of the Glen! Again I challenge you! Send up your best Squad!"

"Major," shouted the Colonel! "This cannot be stood! Send up the best Squad." Up the hill forged the Squad, then over the crest to face the Challenger. Soon the sounds of battle were heard again and then THUMP THUMP THUMP Thump Thump thump! The heads of the squad came rolling down the hill.

"I'm Red Rory of the Glen," came the voice, "and I challenge you! Send up your best company!"

Rage contorted the Colonel's face as he screamed, "Major! Send up Company C. I want that man's head and I want it now!" "Yes, sir," was the only response, and soon Company C was advancing up the hill. Again, from over the crest, came the sounds of terrible battle but this time, floating above them, came the sound of the Challenger's laughter!

Slowly, the sounds of battle died away but still the laughter continued. And then, from the top of the hill, came an avalanche of heads to pile up around the Colonel's feet.

"I'm Red Rory of the Glen, and I challenge you! I have beaten the best you have to send, now come yourself!"

"Major," said the Colonel, his rage now turned icy cold. "Take the Regiment up that hill and destroy him! I don't want anyone to return without his head!"

So, in good form, the Regiment marched up the hill and out of the sight of the Colonel waiting at the bottom of the hill. This time the battle raged for hours. Then as the sun sank into the hills, the Adjunct came hurtling down the hill, his uniform disarrayed and splattered with blood. His eyes spoke books of terror. "Colonel," he screamed, his terror edging his voice with panic, "RUN, it's a trap. There's two of them!"

Subject: RE: Second Joke Thread for 2007
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 26 Mar 07 - 11:37 PM

Seaweed.
Wet Sand.

Subject: RE: Second Joke Thread for 2007
From: Mrrzy
Date: 26 Mar 07 - 09:05 PM

What did the ocean say to the sand?

Stop being such a be-ach!

(My son Tim, aged 11)

Subject: RE: Second Joke Thread for 2007
From: Mickey191
Date: 26 Mar 07 - 12:09 PM

_Quiet Desperation_

Middle age lady sitting on a park bench is joined by a stranger. They exchange some small talk-he mentions that he used to live in this town years ago. She: Oh, where have you been living?
He: I've been in prison.
She: Why were you in prison?
He: I murdered my wife.
She: "Oh, so you're single?"

Subject: RE: Second Joke Thread for 2007
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Mar 07 - 11:28 AM

Sheeple or Peeps ? http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=444436

Subject: RE: Second Joke Thread for 2007
From: The Walrus
Date: 26 Mar 07 - 11:24 AM

Okay, to get tis thread rolling, a joke whipped from another site

Three Little Pigs - "Family" Style   

Once upon a time there were three little pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig and the brick pig. One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pig's house and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did !!!

So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said, "Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house." So the stick Pig let the straw pig in. Just then the wolf showed up and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did !!!

So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the brick pig's house and said, "Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our houses down!"
So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up. The wolf said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." The straw pig and the stick pig were so scared! But the brick pig picked up the phone and made a call.

A few minutes passed and a big, black Caddy pulls up. Out step two massive pigs in pin striped suits and fedora hats. These pigs come over to the wolf, grab him by the neck and beat the living crap out of him. Then one of them pulled out a gun, stuck it in his mouth and fired, killing the wolf. Then they tied cement blocks around his feet, threw his body into the lake, then got back into their Caddy and drove off.

The straw pig and stick pig were amazed!!! "Who the hell were those guys?" they asked. "Those were my cousins... the Guinea Pigs."

Subject: RE: Second Joke Thread for 2007
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 26 Mar 07 - 04:42 AM

... and now when I want to start this thread with a joke I cannot remember any new one. What a pity. I am so sorry.

Maybe an old one will do:

Abel had children, Kain had none.
Why not?
Kain wasn't Abel.

Subject: Second Joke Thread for 2007
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 26 Mar 07 - 04:31 AM

Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'

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This is to continue the First Joke Thread for 2007