BS: Cannabis....any jokes?

Subject: RE: BS: Cannabis....any jokes?
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 07 - 02:55 AM

Gee, LEJ ... one would almost think you had been there our own self!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Cannabis....any jokes?
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 10 Apr 07 - 12:33 AM

Many have questioned the veracity of my story on Sir Walter Raleigh. All that I can say, is consult Hinckle and Hopper in the noted tome. When it comes to scholarship in fields both esoteric and erudite, I am not to be trifled with. Some may still remember my early work on the history of the kazoo when I was still an undergraduate at the Neal Young Center....

The mention of the rosewood kazoo reminded me of the surprising presence of a gold inlaid cedar kazoo that was found among the items in Tutankahmen's tomb. This bore out the suspicions of late 1800's egyptologists that the instrument portrayed in a frieze in the tomb of Ramses 11 was indeed a kazoo, being played by a high priest of Osiris in a funerary procession that also included lutes, drums, and flutes.The presence of this unlikely instrument in Ramses tomb decoration was probably a reference to the Battle of Kadesh, where Ramses' army had triumphed over the Hittites leaving, as another frieze states, " the strangers of Hatti slain by the Son(Sun) of Amon, their kazoos scattered in the dust." At this time, there was apparently no social stigma attached to this instrument.

What connection, if any, exists between the ancient Egyptians and the first century Christian Kazoo Cults that sprang up in Asia Minor has not been established. This much is known. These early cultists considered the Kazoo much more than a musical instument. They often wore these symbols of their belief on leather laces around their neck, using them as an audible means of identifying one another. The rapid increase in the number of these Kazoo cultists resulted in a declaration by Constantine that their belief was a heresy, and in time the kazoo was almost entirely stamped out.

Strangely enough the kazoo was not seen again until it re-emerged among the Basques of northern France in the 1600's. Basque immigrants probably brought the kazoo, along with the bota bag,to America in the early 19th century. During the Civil War the kazoo became a popular instrument among soldiers on both sides of the conflict. There was even a Kazoo marching band, The 12th New York Kazoo Zouaves, who suffered tragic losses at the Battle of Antietam when they were mistakenly fired upon by units from their own side.

Make no mistake, the history of the Kazoo is an illustrious one. For more information, read Edward Mahoney's Kazoos Through the Ages , or contact the kazoo web site at the Julliard Institute at www.kazoostudies.com ...LEJ

Subject: RE: BS: Cannabis....any jokes?
From: Nickhere
Date: 09 Apr 07 - 08:52 PM

Yes, I have one!
um, what was it again? Sorry, it's gone, slipped my mind...

Subject: RE: BS: Cannabis....any jokes?
From: Amos
Date: 09 Apr 07 - 04:06 PM

And then they decided to have a tea party and dress up as Injuns with torches and everything, to give some UK sailors a bad trip man. Scared the beeejaysus out of 'em.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Cannabis....any jokes?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 09 Apr 07 - 03:04 PM

I wonder if there were any cucumbers on that ship.

Subject: RE: BS: Cannabis....any jokes?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 09 Apr 07 - 03:03 PM

So anyway, after Raleigh got back from America his ship sank right at the dock (don't remember why it sank). The Queen was coming by to praise him for bringing back all this great stuff and there it all was, in the drink. He gets pretty concerned figuring his head was coming off or some such since he had nothing to show the Queen. Somebody (don't remember who) brought a barrel of cargo up, turned out it was some taffy. Raleigh figures he's toast because the taffy has been in the drink and is certainly ruined and here some is being given to the Queen. Turns out the time in the water turned the regular taffy into salt water taffy and Raleigh is a big hero. That's what Mr. Peabody said anyway.

Subject: RE: BS: Cannabis....any jokes?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 09 Apr 07 - 02:56 PM

That book has been mentioned on this forum before but I don't remember where or why.

Subject: RE: BS: Cannabis....any jokes?
From: fat B****rd
Date: 09 Apr 07 - 02:40 PM

I seem to recall "The Book Of Grass" bt Tuli Kupfenberg being a fund of information about dope smoking through the ages.

Subject: RE: BS: Cannabis....any jokes?
From: Songster Bob
Date: 09 Apr 07 - 02:13 PM

As for growing hemp, George Washington did it, and not always for rope fiber, since at least one diary entry mentions separating the male and female plants, or some such operation (I forget the details, alas), which is not done if you're making rope, but is done if you're using it for medicinal properties.

Songbob

Subject: RE: BS: Cannabis....any jokes?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 09 Apr 07 - 02:00 PM

Now I know why Sir Walter Raleigh invented Salt Water Taffy, he had the munchies.

Subject: RE: BS: Cannabis....any jokes?
From: Amos
Date: 09 Apr 07 - 12:25 PM

It is a wonderful but fictitious tale; one would think, almost, that Leej had been there himself!!

"America's first marijuana law was enacted at Jamestown Colony, Virginia in 1619. It was a law "ordering" all farmers to grow Indian hempseed. There were several other "must grow" laws over the next 200 years (you could be jailed for not growing hemp during times of shortage in Virginia between 1763 and 1767), and during most of that time, hemp was legal tender (you could even pay your taxes with hemp -- try that today!) Hemp was such a critical crop for a number of purposes (including essential war requirements - rope, etc.) that the government went out of its way to encourage growth.

The United States Census of 1850 counted 8,327 hemp "plantations" (minimum 2,000-acre farm) growing cannabis hemp for cloth, canvas and even the cordage used for baling cotton."


(From a Salon blog on why MJ is illegal).

A

Subject: RE: BS: Cannabis....any jokes?
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 09 Apr 07 - 12:12 PM

"That's hilarious, LEJ. Is it authentic?"

Funny you should say that, Ebbie. Almost the exact words used by my first wife on our honeymoon night.

Subject: RE: BS: Cannabis....any jokes?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 09 Apr 07 - 10:24 AM

Beautiful, LEJ, simply beautiful. The seafaring life, that's the life for me.

Subject: RE: BS: Cannabis....any jokes?
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 08 Apr 07 - 08:09 PM

The minutes passed in silence,
The air with smoke grew thick,
The Sheriff said "Aww, the colours man",
And was promptly 'orribly sick.

DT

Subject: RE: BS: Cannabis....any jokes?
From: Ebbie
Date: 08 Apr 07 - 07:48 PM

That's hilarious, LEJ. Is it authentic?

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: Peace
Date: 08 Apr 07 - 02:41 PM

From Culpeper's herbal:


Hemp

This is so well known to every good housewife in the country, that I shall not need to write any description of it.

Time : It is sown in the very end of March, or beginning of April, and is ripe in August or September.

Government and virtues : It is a plant of Saturn, and good for something else, you see, than to make halters only. The seed of Hemp consumes wind, and by too much use thereof disperses it so much that it dries up the natural seed for procreation; yet, being boiled in milk and taken, helps such as have a hot dry cough. The Dutch make an emulsion out of the seed, and give it with good success to those that have the jaundice, especially in the beginning of the disease, if there be no ague accompanying it, for it opens obstructions of the gall, and causes digestion of choler. The emulsion or decoction of the seed stays lasks and continual fluxes, eases the cholic, and allays the troublesome humours in the bowels, and stays bleeding at the mouth, nose, or other places, some of the leaves, being fried with the blood of them that bleed, and so given them to eat. It is held very good to kill the worms in men or beasts; and the juice dropped into the ears kills worms in them; and draws forth earwigs, or other living creatures gotten into them. The decoction of the root allays inflammations of the head, or any other parts: the herb itself, or the distilled water thereof doth the like. The decoction of the root eases the pains of the gout, the hard humours of knots in the joints, the pains and shrinking of the sinews, and the pains of the hips. The fresh juice mixed with a little oil and butter, is good for any place that hath been burnt with fire, being thereto applied.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Good thing for them they didn't have Tim Horton's.

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 08 Apr 07 - 02:34 PM

For those who think smoking marijuana is a phenomenon that has its origins in the 1960s, I offer the following historical evidence of its early use :

'Actually, pot-smoking was quite popular prior to the switch to tobacco. Raleigh himself was a heavy viper, as can be seen in this brief snippet from his My First Voyage to the American Colonies.
"We rose early to view the completion of our vessel's loading, and I spake with Mr Coombing about the matter of marihuanha, and whether he had procured some for the officers. He replied that indeede he had obtained some of the finest knowne from an Arab of his aquaintance. We were shortly underway, and I invited several of the officers to the taffrail to share a communal pipefulle. We then adjourned to our various duties.

I begann the plotting of our course, but had difficulty with my compasse, accidently stabbing myselfe in the thumb with its sharpe end. I went to find the ship's medico in the forecastle, but on the way passed the cooke, who was busy preparing a stew for dinner. Several officers were standinge very near the boiling kettle, there eyes quite glassy, and their conversation ramblyng and boisterous. They were stabbyng potatoes out of the stew pot and attempting to eat them, but soon fell to flynging them at one another, and chasing each othere about the deck. I felt that this behaviour was unbecoming and not appropriate before the Crew, who had gathered to watche. I meant to shout an order to them to belay their horseplaye, but could only manage "drop ye your spuds!" which seemed such an odd statement that both I and the besmotted officers fell into hysterics.

I then recalled my original intente to find the medico, and went forward, where I stopped for some time to admire our several polished cannon, which to my eyes had never had such a high polish. I called for the Gunner's Mate to complement him on the effective execution of his duties. It took him some time to get there, and I diverted myself by trying various nautical knots in a piece of line that was curled upon the deck, using my own calf in place of a tying-post. When the Gunner's Mate arrived, I regret to say that I had forgotten entirely why I had summoned him, but was able to use his skills in helping me to dis-entangle my leg from a particularly intricate and troublesome knot I had managed to tie.

It was a great misfortune that, when we had nearly untied the knot, the First Mate, who was under the sway of the marihuanha, gave order for the ship to come about. I immediately felt myself being hoisted out over the gunnel as the saile caught the wind. I had by accidente tied my leg to the portside maine sheet, and was thus some time suspendede over the rolling brine to my consternation and the amusement of the crewe.

As a result of these experiences, I must advise that the marihuanha is not the ablest choice for maritime use, tobacco being muche preferred

by your humble servante

Sir Walter Raleigh" '1




1) Chapter 4, pgs 47-48 Marijuana Use through the AgesHinckle and Hopper, Random House

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 08 Apr 07 - 02:20 PM

The biggest problem with eating pot brownies before the concert was it required planning. Since it took about 45 minutes for the brownies to kick in, you wanted to leave yourself time to get there, because if they kicked in while you were driving, you might never find the venue, and you'd end up driving aimlessly around town with your friends, listening to Ummagumma on the 8-track, eating Fritos and drinking Bubble-Up. So you wanted to get there before you were completely stoned. HOWEVER...you wanted to be stoned when you walked into the concert, so ideally you'd smoke a doobie in the parking lot to bridge the gap.
This sort of stonership required a high degree of organization, and most of all the ability to "maintain", which I never had. You would usually have one guy or girl who had this innate ability to maintain, allowing the rest of the crew to be nearly completely incapacitated. This person was the driver, and could be counted on to speak with the cop if you got pulled over for the broken taillight on your VW bus. This person is now a retired stockbroker, very likely.
I agree, drugs are not funny, with the exception of pot. Pot is hilarious.

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: Azizi
Date: 08 Apr 07 - 02:20 PM

I thought it was obvious where your pickle was.

So I looked for it there and there it was, ready and waiting.

If you need some help finding your pickle again, just call me.

Azizi,
from the once but no longer smoky city

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: Peace
Date: 08 Apr 07 - 01:59 PM

Just noticed that I had it traced. Huh.

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: Peace
Date: 08 Apr 07 - 01:58 PM

FOUND IT. Thank you, Azizi.

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: Peace
Date: 07 Apr 07 - 09:45 PM

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Where are the PICKLES?

Subject: RE: BS: Cannabis....any jokes?
From: PSzymeczek
Date: 07 Apr 07 - 09:39 PM

No jokes, but there IS a parody of the song "What If God Were One of Us," called "What If God Smoked Cannabis".

What If God Smoked Cannabis

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: gnu
Date: 07 Apr 07 - 07:52 PM

And, then, of course, the conversation always gets around to, "Who was the best?"

Well, for all round performer, Sammy, hands down. I mean, he could do it all and do it well. Blues eyes? Well, he could sing fairly well. Okay, okay... stop shovin... I'm gettin to the point. Okay, here's the point. Dean always played the drunk. And, rather well, apparently. Hey, he was the one with his own TV show... and I watched it as a kid and, as far as I am concerned, that lad could outsing the rest of the Rats. Sooooo

No thanks. Save it for later.

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: gnu
Date: 07 Apr 07 - 04:21 PM

Um. Okay. never heard that before B72.

FB... no. I meant the one where Bob has to answer a skill testing question to win. Can't quite recall how it goes. But the answer starts with a "B" and ends with a "b".

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: Becca72
Date: 07 Apr 07 - 03:19 PM

You know, table candles man...you pour wax on the table...then set it on fire, man. :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: GUEST,patty o'dawes
Date: 07 Apr 07 - 03:18 PM

There is NOTHING about drugs that is humerous!!!!

Hey you've been ripped off big time then.

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: fat B****rd
Date: 07 Apr 07 - 03:09 PM

"Hi There Bob, what you been doin ?" "Five Years"
Is that the one, Gnu ?

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: Peace
Date: 07 Apr 07 - 02:14 PM

OK. About the pickles . . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: Amos
Date: 07 Apr 07 - 01:45 PM

...You can do anything you wanna do--
You know what I'm talkin; of...
Oooooooooooooo...
Don't take away mah love....

Meet me at the local pool parlor,
I'll introduce ya to a friend of mine.
Hanging out at the local race track,
Keeps us out of jail sometimes.
Well, you can have anything that you want to have,
Do it on my living room rug,
...
Don't take away my love.
Ah no babe, no babe.


Man that guy is SO groovy...



A

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: Peace
Date: 07 Apr 07 - 12:56 PM

Take away my morning papers
Take away my radio
Confiscate my informatiuon
Bust me for oregano

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: gnu
Date: 07 Apr 07 - 12:52 PM

Table candles? Je ne sais pas la?

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: Becca72
Date: 07 Apr 07 - 12:06 PM

hehehe, gnu...gonna make some table candles for Easter?

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: gnu
Date: 07 Apr 07 - 12:01 PM

Deckman... re "There is NOTHING about drugs that is humerous!!!!"

Gee, Bob, light up, eh?

(I suppose the old skit by C&C about Bob on the game show is out of the question. But, it WAS funny.)

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: Dickey
Date: 07 Apr 07 - 11:48 AM

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

Lily Tomlin.

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: Becca72
Date: 07 Apr 07 - 10:54 AM

"Use the gas stove..."

Watch yer bangs...that was a hard lesson learned.

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: Bobert
Date: 07 Apr 07 - 08:26 AM

The only joke I can think of regarding cannibis is...

...$60 fir a quarter ounce!!!

I remember getting a whole lid (ounce) fir $12... Okay, it was Mexican but it worker just fine...

I don't buy cannibis... I've got a place back in Wes Ginny up in the mountains where all I gotta do strap on a back pack with a bag full of bat dung and a few seeds in the middle of May and go back in late September with an empty back pack an' fill it up with sticky green-bud...

Ain't failed me yet...

Now, I don't puff as much as I used to but I still make the ritual hikes up the mountain just fir the fun of it... Plus, a few of my frineds aqppreciate a good buzz...

"Gonna sit around the shanty
and put a good buzz on..."

But $60 a quarter??? What a joke...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: Dickey
Date: 07 Apr 07 - 04:23 AM

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: Peace
Date: 06 Apr 07 - 05:55 PM

Like, I uh hear you man.

Wow, man.

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: GUEST,John Huggen
Date: 06 Apr 07 - 05:39 PM

Haw, Haw, Haw, *wheeze*. My God Lord, these posts are hilarious.

To be honest, old fashion as I am I prefer my brandy. Which I seem to be out of. I'll gladly take a bottle of rum if there is one around here.

I think we should all have a drink and another good laugh.

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 06 Apr 07 - 03:58 PM

Something fishy is going on around here.

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: Amos
Date: 06 Apr 07 - 03:51 PM

This is a fine pickerel you got us into, dude. Jonah what I mean?

A

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: bobad
Date: 06 Apr 07 - 03:41 PM

"I tried some smoked Pickerel once but I couldn't keep it lit."

You probably lit the wrong end, man.

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: Peace
Date: 06 Apr 07 - 03:41 PM

That includes alcohol, which is a drug.

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: Deckman
Date: 06 Apr 07 - 03:40 PM

There is NOTHING about drugs that is humerous!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: Peace
Date: 06 Apr 07 - 03:39 PM

Jaysus. It'd take about fifty packs of ZigZag papers to wrap THAT. Man, nothin' like smoked fish!

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 06 Apr 07 - 03:39 PM

I tried some smoked Pickerel once but I couldn't keep it lit.

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: bobad
Date: 06 Apr 07 - 03:34 PM

Did you mean:Pickerels?

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 06 Apr 07 - 03:28 PM

Fish are only swimming pickles, swimming pickles, swimming pickles,
Fish are only swimming pickles, something, something else

This could be great song. I already have a guitar riff in my head and a solo that goes on for about 20 minutes. It's awsum, man.

Subject: RE: BS: Cannibis....any jokes?
From: Peace
Date: 06 Apr 07 - 03:24 PM

Hey, man, what happened to Christmas?