BS: Are family values a thing of the past

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 01 May 07 - 09:14 AM

Fortunately tat vairiety of American Republicans and their like are pretty peripheral where I live, as they are in all but a fraction of the planet we share. That is something worth keeping in mind. It's an encouraging thought.

Most of those things listed there may be be good or they may be bad, but they have very little to do with families as such.

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: GUEST,Art Thieme
Date: 01 May 07 - 12:50 AM

"To everything there is a season..."

Art

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: Alice
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 07:20 PM

McGrath, here is a definition of how the term has been used in American political campaigns since the 80's... from wikipedia. Click here Family values in US politics has been claimed as the turf of Republican conservatives.
Wiki definition I think gives a pretty good perspective on how it has been used here. Even though the right claims to be for families, they have not supported things like access to education, healthcare and better wages. The right considers family values to be things like attending church (their kind of church) and opposing same sex marriage and abortion.

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 05:22 PM

I'm still at a loss as to how the phrase really works. Is it analogous to "property values", meaning the value which is placed by society on families? Which I'd say is pretty low in many ways.   Or is it supposed to be about the value placed on the family by families?

And it seems to avoid the truth that there are downright evil families as well as good families.

I read what people say about it just being a code word by people with a political agenda - but then they seem to start using it as a code word with a different political agenda.

It just seems a dead-end of an expression, which gets in the way of talking about how people can make sure that their families are good families to live and grow in, and how collectively we can maybe organise things in ways that make that easier rather than harder.

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: Stringsinger
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 02:39 PM

"Family Values" are buzz words initiated by the Religious Right Wing who in their characteristic way practice authoriatarian, despotic paternalim and child abuse.

Divorce (which they decry) is more common in the so-called US "red states" than the "blue".

This is also a code word for denegrating homosexuality. This term is used in conjunction with bible-thumping and intolerance. Real family values would have more to do with recognizing the rights and needs of all families world-wide whether straight or gay. Many families unfortunately value judgement and prejudice as a guide.

So many of those who claim family values have children who are sexually abused by their fathers, brothers and sometimes mothers and sisters. Also by their priests and ministers.

The term "family values" is hollow, hypocritical and mean.

People who really value the family don't have to preach about it.

Frank Hamilton

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: GUEST,Diva
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 12:53 PM

to guest Bob....does this mean that women can only have sex for procreation? or within the security of a long term relationship? Does this apply to your weekend dads too?

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: GUEST,number 6
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 12:50 PM

I now understand your point Amos.

Unfortunately we have let the policians, religions, and corporate economics define our values in providing false values to go after. Reason being these 3 elements retain a position of power by setting the standard of their values.

The values many parents (though in their best intentions) are trying to provide for their children are in someways 'false values' again fed to them by the 3 above elements.

The false values of a house in the suburbs, 2 cars in every garage, Nike sports shoes, reality T.V. for all, a mother and father of same sex, etc. In chasing these dreams people seem to lose the basic human grounding that society (family, community) truely require.

Again, just a thought. Not preaching here just trying to arrive at an answer as elusive as it may be.

biLL

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 12:25 PM

Bill:

Family values do not depend on the economics of working.

Sure, it was easier to show those values when the economics allowed one parent to support the whole family, but I think you will find that when parents go to work, it is because their "family values" motivate them to provide as well as they can for the children.

I suppose I might ask how you define the term "family values" since it is such a buzzword among the politicians, who give it all sorts of lip service while legislating to make it impossible to live by.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: Grab
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 11:59 AM

If the age of being able to get married was raised to say 25 - would we have less divorce?

Without exception, all the divorced people amongst our friends and family were in their 40s when they divorced. Most of them had kids. Most of them are now in their 50s or 60s. Having been out visiting my folks in Greece (sailing round the Med), many of the liveaboards there are on their second marriages, as Steve says, and the youngest of them were late-40s.

Meantime amongst our contempories (early 30s) who've married and we're still in touch with, we don't currently have a single divorce yet. There are several who've been living together in long-term relationships and decided it wasn't working, but no divorces yet.

Marriage seems to easy to walk away from these days, no one puts energy into making it work anymore

Amongst which generation...? All these people complaining about divorce rates, but most of them are amongst people who are of a generation to be brought up with those famous "old-fashioned values". Looks to me that, as the saying goes, the kids are alright. ;-)

Graham.

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: number 6
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 11:47 AM

Amos ... are we not now ceasing to raise our children in a society were 2 parents (let alone a single parent) now have to work and commute long distances just to make a living. The problems of the latch key kids. Parents too tired at the end of the day to adequately care for their children.

biLL

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 11:42 AM

...starting with economy on th emost local scale.

In any case, the answer to the thread topic is "certainly not", if you mean a focus on raising children under the best possible circumstances you can organize. For all the handwringing, you have no idea how many divorces do NOT occur simply because of the impact it would have on young children, nor of how many times when holding that line actually turns a weak marriage into a strong one.    I know there are many cases where this doesn't happen, also.

But "family values" will be a thing of the past when people stop raising children, which is not likely to happen for at least a few more generations.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: number 6
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 11:40 AM

Mick ... read my post further .... "or in all fairness, maybe all of us who live in an 'American' type of culture" .... it cannot be denied the world is now being defined by American standards.

Maybe all of us are now having our lives (values) defined by politiks, economy, and religeon ... as I said we should re-think how our values are defined. Not, by those 3 elements.

biLL

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: Big Mick
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 11:34 AM

biLL, with all due respect, that is a ridiculous statement, and one more example of anti American bias. In every single country on this planet, politics, religion and economy drives most of what happens.

Mick

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: number 6
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 11:27 AM

Sounds like an American reaction. In all do respect to my friends south of the border, but many of you seem to apply politiks, economy and religion to every aspect of your lives. You are quickly losing the 'value' in your everyday living.

... or in all fairness, maybe all of us who live in an 'American' type of culture have to step back and re-assess our values .... don't look to or blame politiks, economy and religion for all our answers and misgivings.

just a thought.

biLL

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 11:15 AM

If you're lucky enough to have a stable, long lasting marriage, more power to you, Steve from Surrey. But don't characterize good character and/or good luck as "family values."

Every Saturday in most towns you see the sad figures of "weekend dads" sitting at tables in Burger King or McDonald's spending "Quality Time" with their estranged children.

Friday and Saturday nights they see their single parent mothers going out with the girls to rekindle their youth.

Sunday mornings children get to meet an array of one night stands coming down the stairs from mummy's bedroom.

And what do you want us to make of this pathetic example, GUEST Bob? "Family values" is a Madison Avenue term coined on behalf of the Republican party. It has nothing to do with the fact that the individuals you describe don't have coping skills or the self-confidence to move beyond seeking a feeling of self-worth through the validation of others. Maybe their parents never taught them how to entertain themselves and how to recognize their own self-worth? Maybe it's your generation that fell down on the job, teaching your now-adult children how to cope? Were you so busy keeping up with the Joneses or trying to be pals with your children that you forgot that it is by example that you teach them how to be good adults and parents? They had to learn it somewhere. You know the saying. If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 09:34 AM

Ya gotta excuse my reaction, but whenever I hear "family values" my defenses go up and I feel for my wallet. Raises my hackles, like hearing George W. Bush espouse John Paul II's idea of "A Culture of Life" while signing death sentences and waging combat.

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 08:53 AM

How very different from the homelife of our own dear Queen.....

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: GUEST,Bob
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 08:39 AM

You are dead right Steve, they are a thing of the past.
My wife and I always spent quality time with our children.

Every Saturday in most towns you see the sad figures of "weekend dads" sitting at tables in Burger King or McDonald's spending "Quality Time" with their estranged children.

Friday and Saturday nights they see their single parent mothers going out with the girls to rekindle their youth.

Sunday mornings children get to meet an array of one night stands coming down the stairs from mummy's bedroom.

God save us from society for the next generation.

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: GUEST,number 6
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 08:16 AM

Good post dianavin !

"Childcare, too, takes its toll. Its up to mom and dad alone. Before, grandparents, aunts and uncles shared the responsibility. All of this extended family helped to bind marriages and create healthy relationships."

Unfortunately in many circumstances it's just up to a mom or a dad to provide all the care and nurturing of a child or children ... that in itself is very demanding and in many cases (certainly with no fault to the single parent) the structure breaks down ... affecting not only the family, but society as a whole.

I don't think just "family structure" but social or human structure.

biLL

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: dianavan
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 03:22 AM

It seems to me that most when a society stresses the importance of the competitive, strong individual, family values begin to break down. In a Capitalist society, we are encouraged to move away from our family home and get an apartment of our own. This of course is economically beneficial because now you have two place to equip with electrical appliances, furniture, etc.

We are encouraged to live separately from our families and no longer live in villages with other supporting relatives. In the past, husbands would form bonds with brothers, cousins, uncles, etc. Within those relations, he could meet many of his social, emotional needs. The wife didn't have to be everything.

The same with the wife. If she wanted intellectual stimulation, she could visit the more literate members of the family. If she needed emotional support, she had mothers, sisters, cousins and aunts. She didn't expect her husband to provide for all of her needs.

Childcare, too, takes its toll. Its up to mom and dad alone. Before, grandparents, aunts and uncles shared the responsibility. All of this extended family helped to bind marriages and create healthy relationships.

Today, we are lucky if we can gather our familiy members from the four corners of the world to sit down and eat a meal together. The social structures have changed. Now people live in little cells completely isolated from families and friends and have become little worker robots. Small towns with many related generations are far more condusive to marriage than large urban environments but regardless of geographic location, it is the extended family relations that create the social pressure to bind most marriages.

Sometimes this is good, sometimes its not. Those same social pressures can convince a battered woman to return home or in other cultures, honour killings to occur.

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 10:40 PM

Certain religious and political groups have kidnapped "family values" and wave the phrase around like a flag. They wrap themselves in it and insist that YOU live whatever THEY define.

Then they are discovered having a mistress, or a gay lover, or using drugs, or embezzling church funds, or having one-night-stands. They ask forgiveness and/or enter rehab.

Ptooey.

My mother raised four kids after my father died, never remarried. My grandparents had their problems but stayed married. My two brothers have raised nine kids between them (seven and two, not 4.5 each) and are still married to their first wives. I'm still on my first wife, and this October it will be 34 years.

Family values are what the people involved are willing to make them.

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: Mickey191
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 10:15 PM

Of Course-that's a given.

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: kendall
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 10:00 PM

Mickey, counciling only works when BOTH people are willing to do it.

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: GUEST,Diva
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 08:12 PM

Difficult one. Been separated 7 years now but we are still good friends and ex and new partner get on, we all go to festivals together. Meanwhile my daughter has the big brothers has always wanted and I have inherited 3 'sons' Its modern day life and we are an extended family

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: number 6
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 07:21 PM

Why bring politics and religion into the equation?

biLL

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 07:17 PM

But what does it mean? Just thinking that families are valuable? Defining families in particular ways?

The term crops up in places where American Republicans are unknown animals, and where Christians are relatively scarce. So what does it mean?

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: Donuel
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 06:26 PM

Republicans have a lock on 'family values' (which is code for christian conformity)
principly because Republicans have more familes either through divorce or secret families like Strom Thurmond.

If you use Congress as a sample, Republicans still have more families per Congressman.

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 06:16 PM

OOps! Seems that both of me feel that way.

DT

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 06:15 PM

Different strokes for different folks!

42 years ago I married the lady who has been, and still is, my lover, partner, and best friend.

I am more content with this today than ever, and with two children and five grandchildren, I feel blessed.

I don't presume, however, to put forward my way as the only, or even the right, way.

All I can say is that it worked for me, and I am mightily glad that it did.

For other folk there are other ways, and it would be churlish indeed of me to suggest that they should remain in a relationship which is miserable and destructive, simply because I happen to prefer marriage.

The breakdown of relationships is IMHO nothing to do with belief, or otherwise, in family values.

It could reasonably be argued that it is a good thing that destructive relationships should end, making way for more suitable liaisons for both parties.

It is my belief that children benefit more from a good second family, than they would from their parents staying together in a loveless match.

Don T.

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: number 6
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 06:10 PM

The same can be said for "human values" ... ours? theirs? or mine?

biLL

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: Janie
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 05:29 PM

Whenever I see the term "family values", I always find myself asking, whose family? Yours? Mine? The people in the house down the street?

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 04:05 PM

I don't understand what "family values" means - "It's how you live" said Jerry, and in a way that feels right. But in that case everything anybody does is an expression of "family values".

The expression always sounds like Mafia language to me. The code by which each family lives, and loyalty to that code and that family. What else does it mean?

I think love your neighbours, and love your enemy - often enough the same people of course - is a pretty good line to follow. Your family are just the neighbours and enemies you are equipped with to start with, and liable to be tied up with for life one way and another.

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: Alice
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 04:02 PM

I don't think age of marriage is the issue, but rather maturity and compatibility. As I stated, people should learn to make good
judgements and I think learning how to be a good judge of character should start early in life. I grew up too naive about
relationships, and it took decades for me to wise up.

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: kendall
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 03:13 PM

I divorced my first wife in 1983. I am now re married to a limey and we are both quite happy with this arrangement. I was miserable in that first marriage, and every passing year it just got worse. Now, my kids love my new wife

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: Bee
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 01:52 PM

I didn't marry until I was forty, and our marriage is in its sixteenth year. My sister married at twenty one, and her marriage is still strong at twenty four years. Age doesn't matter as much as people having similar goals, or at least understanding and supporting each other's goals, I suspect.

A lot of people marry without paying attention to what the other really wants in terms of kids, career, lifestyle - they think it will 'work out' because they are in love, not understanding that 'love' does not necessarily conquer all.

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: number 6
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 11:55 AM

I should add both of us have grown and appreciated learning from each other.

Maybe that's what has made our marriage work all these years.

biLL

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: number 6
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 11:46 AM

My wife and I have been married 35 years this month. It's been an mazing 35 years with her and I cannot imagine what it would have been like without her ... it's been up and it's been down but it has been one helluva great time.

Though we have both changed somewhat, we both feel the inner person within us is the same person we initially married.

"People in general seem to expect more from a relationship these days than may have been the case in the past." ... I certainly agree with Jacquie's staement here. That is one problem in relationships.

I do agree family values have changed ... in fact I think "human values" are becoming a thing of the past.

biLL

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: GUEST,patty o'dawes
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 11:42 AM

If the age of being able to get married was raised to say 25 - would we have less divorce? It wouldn't stop the partnerships and families formed outside marriage failing though.

With the horrendous costs of some marriages and some divorces I personally see alot of merit in doing away with the instituion altogether. If it held the original meaning at heart the resulting divorces wouldn't ensue. Which leads to the question why do people feel the need to get married at all.

Our family is littered with second marriages and many kids. None traumatised by the seperations so far and all with a healthy outlook on right and wrong. Previous generations in our family suffered unworkable marriages because they felt divorce was wrong in the eyes of the church/the parents or the neighbours.

Live and let live.

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: Alice
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 11:18 AM

My father was divorced from his first wife in the 1930's. Being Catholics, this was
extremely unusual, but in the '30's, people rarely got divorced in Montana no
matter what religion. Their four daughters, my half sisters, never got over it. I saw
what happened to their psyches. They felt torn apart for the rest of their lives, hated
my mother who raised them after the divorce, and will feel damaged to the their graves
because their parents did not stay together. Divorce is so common now, people don't
even question what it does to kids. I still think it comes back to being more careful
about who you marry in the first place. I wish I had been taught more about how to
be a better judge of character when I was younger.

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: Mickey191
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 11:08 AM

My brother was the first in our family to get divorced. (A very necessary option-it was a hellish union) This was in the mid 60's. We have perhaps 100 first generation American cousins. My parents were so ashamed of this divorce, they never told anyone for about 5 years. Some of those cousins stayed married until their parents died. They were too ashamed to face them. I'm glad the ignominy of divorce is a thing of the past.

I do think, as has been said here, that some people do give up too easily. Some Marriages may need a bit of counseling to straighten out the kinks.

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: artbrooks
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 10:57 AM

Working on 38 years together now. For some, it still seems to work.

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: Alice
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 10:49 AM

This is a tough issue, because although I agree that I'm glad I didn't have to stay with someone
I married when I didn't have good judgement about that person, I also know that children
are generally much better off when their parents stay married. I think young people need to be
taught better judgement in choosing a mate and more awareness of the consequences of
having kids with someone you are not compatible with. There is too much fantasy around
the choice of a spouse.

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: katlaughing
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 10:38 AM

There are a lot of hypocrites who hide behind so-called "family values:"

Just-resigned Deputy Secretary of State (my emphasis) - Tobias, 65 and married, denied having sex during these encounters. To ward off later exposure, he also told ABC News that he has lately been using another escort service with Central American girls.

Tobias donated more than $100,000 to the Republican Party and in 2003, President George W. Bush made him America's first global AIDS coordinator with the rank of ambassador.

In that role, he promoted the conservative concept of promoting abstinence and faithfulness over condom use, coining the "ABC" slogan for the Bush administration's AIDS policy.

He explained "ABC" as "Abstinence works. Be faithful works. Condoms work. They all have a role. But it is not a multiple choice, where there is only one answer."

Tobias enforced the Bush administration's policy that requires recipients of AIDS-related funds to swear that they oppose prostitution and sex trafficking.

Mixed families are a reflection of a truer "global village or tribe" imo than the unrealistic, together-forever institution of marriage which has meant such oppression of so many, esp. women, for so long.

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: Mrrzy
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 10:22 AM

Marriage should be a 7-year contract centered around having a child.

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: wysiwyg
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 09:24 AM

The pendulum is swinging, and we usually only view a narrow slice of the arc at a time, as we ourselves experience it.

Also, "family values" is a term that has become co-opted by the much-hated rigid religious right. That's part of the pendulum swing, too-- their rigidity and the reactive rebellion against them.


The answer (IMO) is to conduct your own life with as much intentionality as possible. The rest (such as worrying, judging others, unthinking rebellion aginst other parts of the pendulum swing) is pissing in the wind.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 09:18 AM

Family values are at the heart of my marriage, I'm thankful to say. All the things that my wife and I cherish are realized in our family.
Although we range from Muslim to Catholic, Agnostic, and Atheist (no Jews, yet) and we have straights and gays in our family, all are welcomed, loved and respected. This is a second marriage for both my wife and I. Our first families didn't have a whole lot in the way of "Family Values." That's why we got divorced. We had such strong family values that we couldn't live our lives in a marriage without any.

How many times is it revealed that some of the most outspoken critics about the lack of family values are simultaneously committing adultry?

Family Values isn't a code, or a set of words. It's how you live.
Many marriages have lasted for sixty or seventy years without ever exhibiting "family values." Just staying in a destructive marriage is not honoring family values. It is denying them.

Jerry (Love is much better, the second time around.)

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: jacqui.c
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 08:38 AM

People in general seem to expect more from a relationship these days than may have been the case in the past.

The media bombards us with happy ever after stories that tend not to dwell on the dirty socks and cleaning toilets that are also part of setting up home. There is also less of a stigma to separation and divorce and those who undertake that step do not, as has happened in the past, become social outcasts.

People do change. If you are lucky both will mature along the same lines and still be good partners. For others that doesn't happen. My parents stayed married, in spite of the fact that they were clearly unhappy together, until my father died after 32 years of marriage. My father had affairs, my mother just became a more negative and miserable person. My brothers and I suffered. I think that we would all have been better off if they had separated, but that just wasn't acceptable.

I think that there is more of a chance of siblings coming together in a partnership as a result of IVF using donor sperm or eggs than from the result of broken partnerships. I would guess that the majority of children from broken homes will be aware of their half siblings at some point.

Times do change and that change, as it always has been, contains elements of good and bad. I know, for a fact, that my children had a better childhood than would have been the case if I had stayed with their father. All three of us had the room and the opportunity to grow and develop in our own way, which would not have been the case if I had stayed married.

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: kendall
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 08:28 AM

Let's face it, there are people who only have their contentious attitude to comfort them.

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 08:18 AM

We have another family funeral tomorrow... we're going to be walking back into another family argument that's lasted for 20 years now. Each family is as stubborn as the other and I'm positive there are a couple of elderly relatives who excacerbate the situation at every given opportunity... Marriages are fine when there are no other relatives to stir.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Are family values a thing of the past
From: kendall
Date: 29 Apr 07 - 08:10 AM

The famous anthropologist, Margaret Meade said that to expect two young people to commit to a lifelong relationship is silly. People change. None of us is the same person we were 20 years ago. We grow, we become different people. I look back on the day I married for the first time and I don't know that guy. I look at her and think, "What the hell was I thinking."?

All three of my kids were from the first marriage, so I have never had that problem of "Your kids and my kids are fighting with our kids."

Change is inevitable. Resistance to change is also inevitable.