loss of mental faculties???

Subject: Tech: loss of mental faculties???
From: GUEST,punkfolkrocker
Date: 15 Jun 07 - 07:04 PM

for me.. i make no excuses..

in my family.. i am the last of a long line of west country male manual working cider drinkers..

but..

my mum is born from more sophisticted city stock..

she's mid 70's.

still as strong and fiercly inependant as ever..

but..



i think we might be reaching that delicate crossover point


when i might need to assert some control over her decision making faculties..


worse case scenario..

she might start regarding me as the 'bad guy'
attemting to struggle control from her "what happens next" lifetime developments..

i'm not even 50 yet ..


..so i defer to the wisdom of older mudcat mates
who have most likely been there.. done this .. and learnt from it..

any advice will be well apreciated..

thanks...

Subject: RE: loss of mental faculties???
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 15 Jun 07 - 07:22 PM

Mid 70s is a little early for this.

My mother may be getting near the point now - although intellectually she recognises the possible issues - and she is 96.

What about her parents? To what ages did they live, and when did they go gaga?

If you leave it until she is gaga, you will ahve to make an application to the Court of Protection. They have helplines.

If she is still sane, you may be able to get an enduring power of attorney now. If she will give you one. Later this year the law will change and become more burdensome.   If you get an EPA now you can register it when she goes gaga and administer her affairs.

Subject: RE: loss of mental faculties???
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jun 07 - 08:03 PM

Consult a good lawyer.

Subject: RE: loss of mental faculties???
From: GUEST,punkfolkrocker
Date: 15 Jun 07 - 08:15 PM

thanks so far mates..

just need to say we are a council estate family..

no inheritance or property involved here..

[just whatever me mums funeral is insured for]

this is simply about a 'useless' sons [and his mrs]
love for his mothers welfare..

sorry.. might be cider talking..

i'm scared how i can try to do best for my mum without falling out with her in the process..

Subject: RE: loss of mental faculties???
From: Janie
Date: 15 Jun 07 - 08:48 PM

What are seeing in your nother's behaviors and choices that has you thinking you need to intervene at this particular point in time?

Janie

Subject: RE: loss of mental faculties???
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 16 Jun 07 - 04:13 AM

Have known a few of my friends to have had a similar problem and they were advised by GP to take each step needed as they are needed and that if the older relative becomes rejecting, cantankerous or even violent...they had to understand that it was just a process and not to be hurt by it. They are not the same people...they have changed with deterioration and have lost their rationale for life.
Would perhaps have wanted to go through the experience myself rather than losing my Mum as I did to cancer...very quickly. I guess life just throws things our way and we have to take what comes with a good and forgiving heart.
Hope it all works well for you.
Best wishes, Mike.

Subject: RE: loss of mental faculties???
From: Wolfhound person
Date: 16 Jun 07 - 04:57 AM

If you think she already needs assistance with daily living, contact Social Services and get an assessment done - she might get a carer, and be eligible for Attendance Allowance. It's a bit of a postcode lottery though - rural areas it works better than big cities, IMO.
Then if something happens when you're away (on holiday, say) the authorities are aware and can provide relief cover / or emergency provision.

Contact the CAB about power of attorney for things like her bank account / pension / rent book / whatever. I've had one of these with both my parents, and my father in law - and we were advised to do it well in advance of any complete ga ga state - it's far easier.

Explain to her that it's not that you want to take over, but you need the paperwork in place "in case something happens to her, and she can't manage suddenly" - which to her may mean if she falls and breaks a leg (for instance) but to you means if she gets Alzheimers or something, and becomes "difficult". If she's wary of this, involve a solicitor and get him to explain - a simple power of Attorney is not expensive, does not have to be registered and enables you to take over whenever you feel it's necessary.

If she cares about making things easier for you she will understand.
If she doesn't live within easy reach of you, move her, now. Don't wait till she's past it.

Don't underestimate the strain this can put on you / your family. If you end up caring for her (which includes doing shopping / washing / outings as well as the more personal stuff) make sure you get a break sometimes. As above, get Social Services to do a respite service.

Have you considerd sheltered (wardened) accommodation? Not a home - just somewhere where there is someone on call if needed in an otherwise independent flat / bungalow?


Just a few thoughts, been there, done that.
Oh, and very good luck.

Paws

Subject: RE: loss of mental faculties???
From: GUEST,Frug
Date: 16 Jun 07 - 05:19 AM

Help/advice might be available from Age Concern. There are also specific help agencies for Alzheimers and Dementia. Power of Attorney is also worth looking at very early in the process....... talk to her GP. Social Services do have specialist Older persons Teams...........

Good Luck

Frank

Subject: RE: loss of mental faculties???
From: Morticia
Date: 16 Jun 07 - 05:52 AM

I am a 'specialist Older Teams' social worker. Before you do anything at all, talk to social services, they are your best source of advise and information even if, as is likely from what you are saying, your mother does not meet their eligibility criteria as yet.

Assessments are based on two things, level of need and level of risk, most local authorities ask that some is in high or substantial risk and need before they are eligible. Once again your Social Services Department can tell you more.

Power of Attorney legislation has just ( April 07) changed significantly with the partial implementation of the Mental Capacity Act ( which will be fully implemented in October). Even I am not fully cognisant with all it's implications as yet, and I will be working with it every day BUT biggest thing for your purposes in it is that people will be deemed to have capacity to make their own decisions unless there is very good reason, clearly documented and shared, why they do not and even then, it will be deemed that it is not a 'blanket' lack of capacity.

I've tried to be succinct but it is all quite complex. Short advice, talk to Social Services.If you live in the west, it might even be me.

Subject: RE: loss of mental faculties???
From: Morticia
Date: 16 Jun 07 - 11:46 AM

Oh, and Power of Attorney is changing/ has changed too.

Subject: RE: loss of mental faculties???
From: Wolfhound person
Date: 16 Jun 07 - 12:28 PM

Morticia - presumably existing Powers of Attorney already in operation are not affected?

Paws

Subject: RE: loss of mental faculties???
From: Becca72
Date: 16 Jun 07 - 12:35 PM

Age has nothing to do with it, really, Richard. My mother developed dementia at about age 67 and died this past February at age 72, totally out of her wits. You have to judge by her facilities rather than her birthday.

Punkfolkrocker, if you feel your mother's decision making abilities are starting to go you should step in and have a heart to heart with her first. See if she's open to having your help. Has she started making silly decision or had money go missing with no explanation?